The Nigerian
The Realest Member of TheColi
Okay, so I went to one of the mics I usually hit up on Fridays. This week, in the spirit of the season, I showed up in costume:
Now, I guess I'm the only comedian with a sense of holiday spirit because I was the only one in costume that night. No biggie. Lots of people were into it. But most people were on some
sh!t.
Anyway, so I'm sitting, listening to the other comics and some haters were dropping slick lines about my costume. As is expected. No big deal, right? But as the night gets on there's this sh!thead comic from Memphis. I don't know his name but he sure as hell knew mine. His set began with taking some shots at me and my costume, which would be fine but dude was strangely personal and really angry. His rant went something like:
"He's just looking for attention. Stop talking about him. He will shut up and go away. He sucks, he's not funny, he is the worst man on earth, he's spooky, etc…"
It was like 90 seconds of just bitter, hate-filled bashing.
So after his rant he went into his set. The room wasn't hot and his jokes sucked so nothing was going over. At one point he's like "Why isn't anyone laughing?
Then I quipped: BECAUSE YOURE NOT FUNNY. TELL BETTER JOKES, YOU ASS!
Then the whole room went: OOOH! And it was on.
Dude came at me on some weak shyt and I shut him down repeatedly by staying calm and just sticking to gunning at his jokes. At one point I just started taunting him by yelling "Memphis, MEEEEEMPHIS!" After that he just left the stage in a huff.
So yeah, a few comics later I did my set. This week I thanked white people for finally making it illegal to kill unarmed Black kids for playing their music too loud. I mean it only took 3 or 4 trials, but they finally had a shred of decency and came to a reasonable outcome. I also asked white people what was up with them trying so hard to legalize pedophilia. All in all it was about 5 mins of relentless heat.
And of course there were moans, groans, and people getting heated. But it's cool. I mean, there was a little heckling, but I just powered through it. All in all a decent set.
Fast forward about 10 more comics and the last dude comes up. He's some fat neck beard. The guy just starts yelling at me non stop. Dude was drunk and angry, and super racist. He said "The worst part about the Mike Brown shooting is that it wasn't you."
The crowd did another: OOOH.
At that point I was like "Enough, fatty, chill. Tell some fukking jokes."
Then he starts saying how the only joke is how terrible my jokes are.
I yell "No they ain't. They're FYRE!"
Dude gets even MADDER saying all sorts of racist shyt about how I should go to jail or whatever.
And all I'm saying is "You're mad as fukk, fatty. Chill."
He's like "Oh, you're calling me fat? What is this 4th grade?"
And I'm like "Bro, You're fat NOW!"
He just keeps droning on and on about how I don't deserve to hear his jokes. And I'm like "Bro, I have no idea who you are, but you know who I am. Your jokes suck!"
He yelled about how I don't deserve his jokes again and then he left in huff. A lot of racists were whipped up into a ferver at that point.
After the last few comics went up I kindly walked up to him and asked if he had a problem. Then he says "Touch me and you're arrested!"
I asked him what his problem was. He went into this rant about how I should NEVER interrupt a comedian on stage. And how I was crushing his dreams. It was rediculus.
I told him that I would NEVER just sit there and let someone bash me like that. Then I called him a drunk, fat piece of shyt and then some racist bouncer tried to pick a fight with me. At that point I literally had my hands up and he calmed his ass down. The whole bar started surrounding me and shouting. Cameras were being whipped out left and right. It was like the beginning of a lynching.
Wild shyt, brehs. You Chicago heads gotta come out and see me sometime. It's a riot.
Now, I guess I'm the only comedian with a sense of holiday spirit because I was the only one in costume that night. No biggie. Lots of people were into it. But most people were on some
sh!t.Anyway, so I'm sitting, listening to the other comics and some haters were dropping slick lines about my costume. As is expected. No big deal, right? But as the night gets on there's this sh!thead comic from Memphis. I don't know his name but he sure as hell knew mine. His set began with taking some shots at me and my costume, which would be fine but dude was strangely personal and really angry. His rant went something like:
"He's just looking for attention. Stop talking about him. He will shut up and go away. He sucks, he's not funny, he is the worst man on earth, he's spooky, etc…"
It was like 90 seconds of just bitter, hate-filled bashing.
So after his rant he went into his set. The room wasn't hot and his jokes sucked so nothing was going over. At one point he's like "Why isn't anyone laughing?
Then I quipped: BECAUSE YOURE NOT FUNNY. TELL BETTER JOKES, YOU ASS!
Then the whole room went: OOOH! And it was on.
Dude came at me on some weak shyt and I shut him down repeatedly by staying calm and just sticking to gunning at his jokes. At one point I just started taunting him by yelling "Memphis, MEEEEEMPHIS!" After that he just left the stage in a huff.
So yeah, a few comics later I did my set. This week I thanked white people for finally making it illegal to kill unarmed Black kids for playing their music too loud. I mean it only took 3 or 4 trials, but they finally had a shred of decency and came to a reasonable outcome. I also asked white people what was up with them trying so hard to legalize pedophilia. All in all it was about 5 mins of relentless heat.
And of course there were moans, groans, and people getting heated. But it's cool. I mean, there was a little heckling, but I just powered through it. All in all a decent set.
Fast forward about 10 more comics and the last dude comes up. He's some fat neck beard. The guy just starts yelling at me non stop. Dude was drunk and angry, and super racist. He said "The worst part about the Mike Brown shooting is that it wasn't you."
The crowd did another: OOOH.
At that point I was like "Enough, fatty, chill. Tell some fukking jokes."
Then he starts saying how the only joke is how terrible my jokes are.
I yell "No they ain't. They're FYRE!"
Dude gets even MADDER saying all sorts of racist shyt about how I should go to jail or whatever.
And all I'm saying is "You're mad as fukk, fatty. Chill."
He's like "Oh, you're calling me fat? What is this 4th grade?"
And I'm like "Bro, You're fat NOW!"
He just keeps droning on and on about how I don't deserve to hear his jokes. And I'm like "Bro, I have no idea who you are, but you know who I am. Your jokes suck!"
He yelled about how I don't deserve his jokes again and then he left in huff. A lot of racists were whipped up into a ferver at that point.
After the last few comics went up I kindly walked up to him and asked if he had a problem. Then he says "Touch me and you're arrested!"
I asked him what his problem was. He went into this rant about how I should NEVER interrupt a comedian on stage. And how I was crushing his dreams. It was rediculus.
I told him that I would NEVER just sit there and let someone bash me like that. Then I called him a drunk, fat piece of shyt and then some racist bouncer tried to pick a fight with me. At that point I literally had my hands up and he calmed his ass down. The whole bar started surrounding me and shouting. Cameras were being whipped out left and right. It was like the beginning of a lynching.
Wild shyt, brehs. You Chicago heads gotta come out and see me sometime. It's a riot.
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