“Black Men Don’t Have A Space To Discuss Their Fractured Relationships With Their Mothers.”
- Thread starter ThrobbingHood
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Rell84shots
Veteran
That's what happens in a matriarchal society. We can shyt on dads all day long, but you can't say anything about a mom no matter how fukked up she is.
Rick Fox at UNC
All Star
I'm noticing more black men discussing this.
The importance of serious, long form conversations with and between men.
Many such cases of women destroying the family and still being around to tell the story and play the victim.
Something that really turned me on to this was the wife/mother from The Corner (Fran Boyd).
The importance of serious, long form conversations with and between men.
Many such cases of women destroying the family and still being around to tell the story and play the victim.
Something that really turned me on to this was the wife/mother from The Corner (Fran Boyd).
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cyndaquil
Lv 100 Bold natured
Black Men don't have a space to discuss anything without judgement.
Those of us have the means to access a private counselor/therapist are lucky. Rest of us gotta just process shyt and hope for the best
Those of us have the means to access a private counselor/therapist are lucky. Rest of us gotta just process shyt and hope for the best
null
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sotomayor ....
Sorry cannot relate.
My mom's sides with me when I tell her about raggedy ass women
My mom's sides with me when I tell her about raggedy ass women
Kiyoshi-Dono
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The last part is why I don’t say too much to my own mother
Tried to talk to her a couple of times on why I’m the way I am and did certain things
And she will always hit me with
Well you here now ain’t you
Or try to flip it and say she was the worst parent when that’s not what I’m trying to convey
I’ve told her multiple times I get it but these are just some of the things that kinda of hurt our relationship for years or my lens of her was tainted because I felt a certain type of way
I also tried to lessen the blow because she was a young parent and was just imitating what she saw from her own parents and elders
But we never get anywhere, so I’ve come to the conclusion just let it be and get along because ain’t no telling how long she will be here
That’s why I always tell my daughter to speak her mind to her mother because I see the same pattern forming
Told my ex wife the same thing
People really don’t understand how our childhoods and relationships with our parents/family as a whole shapes us
Even with therapy, you still revert back to old ways because that’s the only way you knew how to cope
And sometimes it feels better in the dark space you know vs coming into the light and facing them head on
Tried to talk to her a couple of times on why I’m the way I am and did certain things
And she will always hit me with
Well you here now ain’t you
Or try to flip it and say she was the worst parent when that’s not what I’m trying to convey
I’ve told her multiple times I get it but these are just some of the things that kinda of hurt our relationship for years or my lens of her was tainted because I felt a certain type of way
I also tried to lessen the blow because she was a young parent and was just imitating what she saw from her own parents and elders
But we never get anywhere, so I’ve come to the conclusion just let it be and get along because ain’t no telling how long she will be here
That’s why I always tell my daughter to speak her mind to her mother because I see the same pattern forming
Told my ex wife the same thing
People really don’t understand how our childhoods and relationships with our parents/family as a whole shapes us
Even with therapy, you still revert back to old ways because that’s the only way you knew how to cope
And sometimes it feels better in the dark space you know vs coming into the light and facing them head on
there's not space because there is a prevailing idea that the average black mother is known to coddle black sons. and we can disagree or not but my prevailing feeling is that it's true. and not to say there are not exceptions. but I think they are exceptions and not the rule. and if brehs feel the need to carve out a space for themselves, feel free to do so and discuss. but I think many of us who come from good families where the mothers are good women, we won't be able to relate. and furthermore, what do you want us to do? it's incumbent on you going forward to pick the right women to start families with, since it appears that has been a weakness for prior generations of men in your family, and be a model for the younger men in your family to change that dynamic.
Unbothered
All Star
I've never had these problems with my mama.
I love you, Mommy 🥹!
However, for the bruhs out there who've had strained relationships with their mothers, I'm sorry
that it had to be that way; a boy and his mother's love is supposed to be sacred.
As a matter of fact, the first woman a boy will ever love is his mother. I will suggest that bruhs get together with their mothers and have a sit-down to talk about things and have an additional family member to be the neutral person in the middle to keep the conversation at ease.
I remember growing up, whenever my siblings or I had a problem with each other, we'd do something like that in our rooms to better understand one another and fix whatever problems existed. Now I realize some folks' families are a little more dysfunctional in certain areas, so what I'm suggesting might not be good enough to tackle the root of the problem, in which case, professional counsel is the next best option.
I love you, Mommy 🥹!
However, for the bruhs out there who've had strained relationships with their mothers, I'm sorry
that it had to be that way; a boy and his mother's love is supposed to be sacred.As a matter of fact, the first woman a boy will ever love is his mother. I will suggest that bruhs get together with their mothers and have a sit-down to talk about things and have an additional family member to be the neutral person in the middle to keep the conversation at ease.
I remember growing up, whenever my siblings or I had a problem with each other, we'd do something like that in our rooms to better understand one another and fix whatever problems existed. Now I realize some folks' families are a little more dysfunctional in certain areas, so what I'm suggesting might not be good enough to tackle the root of the problem, in which case, professional counsel is the next best option.
GreenGhxst
Veteran
The Internet has a plethora of resources
If you want to heal you can, some of us don't want to put in the work
Some of us want to take the elevator, whole time not realizing the stairs is the only option
Step by step...
Can't speak for other men but I feel like a lot of BM's anger issues comes from resentment from their mother's birthing them into the circumstances many BM face.
They would never admit it because the BC is about lying to each other about our state in the world and the terrible tramas that we as a people have endured.
Honestly I think the hardest part about being Blk isn't the way the world sees us or our history.
It's the fact that the whole fukking community is in denial. We can never grow as a community because there is literally not 1 issue (outside if racism) that we can honestly discuss.
As soon as you bring it up there will be someone telling you how it "must just be you." The need to stand over each other is so great in the BC it's nauseating.
There is literally no space to discuss anything. Too many liars and deniers to have real conversations.
They would never admit it because the BC is about lying to each other about our state in the world and the terrible tramas that we as a people have endured.
Honestly I think the hardest part about being Blk isn't the way the world sees us or our history.
It's the fact that the whole fukking community is in denial. We can never grow as a community because there is literally not 1 issue (outside if racism) that we can honestly discuss.
As soon as you bring it up there will be someone telling you how it "must just be you." The need to stand over each other is so great in the BC it's nauseating.
There is literally no space to discuss anything. Too many liars and deniers to have real conversations.
a nikka could be in here talking bout "my mom raped my 10 year old son, hit my safe and stole everything, and slashed my wife face with the razor on the way out"
cats would be like "I love my momma, she all I got. Maybe you should talk to yours and see what's going on in her life.... before it's too late"
feelosofer
#ninergang
Black men have been put in a position where they can't hold their female relatives accountable for anything. Black women have to maintain the image of being almost a demi-god and anything that goes against that gets shut down but all people men and women have to be held accountable for their actions in order for true healing to occur. It's like sewing up a wound without washing it out and using disinfectant.
I remember my mom put me out the house once when I was a child because I brought the wrong flavor pop home from the gas station, and I had to sleep in a dumpster because it was on top of a heated industrial grate and it was too cold for me to keep walking to get somewhere safe or sleep outside. I thought if I went to the police and told them what happened they’d lock her up or if I told any of my friends I’d embarrass her. I told her about it when I got grown and she said “I ain’t got to apologize to you or anybody, I got nothing to hide.”. 
From that day on I learned to never expect a woman to apologize for anything even if they dead ass wrong. 
From that day on I learned to never expect a woman to apologize for anything even if they dead ass wrong.