My husband (32m) proposed to me (30f) after I gave him an ultimatum. Feeling bitter and resentful now. • /r/relationships
submitted 30 minutes ago by weddingsad
Hi everyone,
My now husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 2 of those. We first met when I started working at the same company as my husband, after college. If anyone cares, inter-office romances are not forbidden in my company as long as the partners/spouses are in different teams.
We started dating soon after meeting and everything was great. We moved in 2 years later and had long discussions about marriage and kids. My husband did not want to get married until he had met a few of his life goals - complete his Master's degree (he was in an evening program paid by the company), pay off his student loans, travel to at least 10 countries and have enough money to buy a house.
Luckily, life was good and both of us accomplished the above goals soon enough. We lived frugally, paid off our loans, traveled/backpacked around Asia and Europe and my husband earned his Master's degree along with a sizeable pay bump + promotion.
For my 27th birthday, which was 2 weeks before our 5th dating anniversary, my husband (then bf) planned an elaborate vacation to Bora Bora. Based on how fancy the trip was, I expected a proposal. Nope, nothing at all. I was pretty disappointed and upon our return, I brought up our future.
I told him that I wanted to get married and plan for kids. Our major life goals had been met and I wanted to move forward in our relationship. My husband freaked out and said that he was afraid of getting married because nearly everyone he knew (parents, relatives, friends) were trapped in bad marriages and in many cases, the women changed drastically after getting married. I told him that it was time to take a leap of faith after having dated me for half a decade. Either he trusts that we work out or we break up. I gave him a month to think about it. In that time, I made my back up plans - found an apartment if I needed to move out, looked into separating our finances etc.
Well the deadline came up and still no proposal and no talk even of one. On day 30, I sat him down and told him we were over. I explained that I would be moving out in 2 weeks and started discussing how to go about splitting finances, pets and furniture.
At that instant, I guess it finally dawned on him that I was 100% serious. He apologized and said he couldn't live without me and he was on board with getting married. I was skeptical, but he assured me that wanted it too. We went out the same day and picked a ring, told our friends and families that we were engaged.
We got married a year later and bought a house a few months after that. We are happy and he is a good husband. We are even talking about starting a family soon.
However, I am bitter. My friends are getting engaged and married and my facebook is full of romantic, happy engagement stories and photos. Hot air balloon, scuba diving, mountain peak etc proposals. I was at a bridal shower recently and the girls sat around discussing their proposal stories and I realized that I was the only one whose proposal came after the words "I am leaving you."
I am resentful that I didn't get a beautiful, memorable proposal like my friends. I am angry that I had to literally break up with my husband to get the ring. I feel like our marriage is tainted with the sadness and tears of a break up before it even started.
I know that I am being immature. My marriage is happy and I have no complaints, but I don't know why this upsets me so much. How do I know that my husband is not resenting me for pushing him to get married? Is our marriage even real?
tl;dr: Unhappy with how my "proposal" came about
There should be a disclaimer or something on these social media sites.
