Thank you for your post. However your situation was much different than Rachel's. She wasn't raised by black folks and it was only in her adult life she started taking that role on.
Early on in my adult life I also attempted to incorporate myself into the Black community by befriending more blacks (I had no black friends up to 18 years of age), and changing my image.
I cut my hair shorter (Caesar cut) not because it could hide my bone straight hair, but because that was a popular urban haircut at the time. I ended up looking like a non-black who tried too hard, and I definitely looked LESS black than ms Rachel here. At the end of the day, Black is not my race. Trying to fit in with blacks, for me, was a form of self-hate, and I can't live like that.
if anything, Rachel shows that one can't deny your biology. it is the highest form of self-hatred.
I worry about my sons in this way. My oldest son looks pure Han Chinese, and speaks Mandarin fluently. My youngest son is learning both mandarin, but he is darker and looks Cambodian or Filipino. My sons come from the same family, but they will have two very different life experiences. I suspect my oldest son will be integrate into the Chinese peer group at school without a problem, but my youngest will have problems. My youngest will be questioned by people when he speaks fluent mandarin. In fact he may be drawn to the Filipino kids and end up rejecting his Chinese background.
To make matters worse, my Wife has mandated that they both are marked as black because (and I am 100% serious about this) she believes it will Give them an easier path in school. To even contemplate their situation is mind blowing. Two kids, one Filipino and one Chinese, raised in culturally Han Chinese household (because of mom), where 98% of all their extended family in the states is African American (all of their mom's family is in Taipei and nearly all my non-black family is outside of the country). I feel like should keep them away from their American family just to avoid the confusion.