Did porn and masturbation ruin my relationship?

[Dixon Cider]

Or was it xbox and weed?
Or was it snapchat and instagram?
Or was it thecoli and work?
Or was it weight gain and snoring?
Or was it the cavities in my wisdom teeth?


Well beginning of relationship was great of course like they always all, fukking everywhere, getting top in the car,in the shower. All that cool stuff but what about when you are spending a week or more at a time together and you are going to bed horny and having to rub one out to wake up to her wanting it in the morning but you like , the jerking off will
Make you feel drained.. She would deny dikk then i'd look at porn and jerk off to overcome the feeling of it all then she would want it. Dunno if I picked up the habit from being in jail/prison or from starting at about age 11-12. Anyways after a while she just wanted quickies in the same position, head became a chore and so porn was there, out town meeting other women and being seduced I had to rub one out before going out to stay true oh I did stay true as far as not fukking, I may have dabbled in ass grabbing,strip clubs,milfs tit sucking, etc but I dubbed chances to fukk and get sucked because I'm loyal to a fault. Id wake up before her and look at my phone, read the news,texts,calls,chats,coli,insta etc and during the day my phone was a source of not only information but it was how I pretty much made a comfortable living. This was hated by her but she wanted all my attention but was quick to call me a loser if I wasn't busy doing something. She was so petty she would flip out if I didnt push the pin down that activated shower/tub because water would collect. There was a certain way I had to take a shower or else she'd bug tf out. Had to go in shower, crack a window- make sure the water wasn't hot or steamy because it would ruin the walls/bathroom furniture. Had to leave fan on and door cracked after and if the floor mat was wet she'd freak out.
Everytime I took a shyt she found a reason to come into the bathroom, everytime I took a shower she found a reason to use the bathroom was so weird like she had a weird shytting infatuation. Literally sit down to shyt and look at my phone and she comes in and says its not sanitary to be on my phone and shyt
Would try to love up on her and she'd flip out and say im too heavy(5'11, 209lbs) and that I was too heavy to sleep in the bed anymore and I was gonna ruin the bed and make it lopsided...

Come home to xbox unplugged everyday, toothpaste hidden from me in the bathroom.

I got a small cavity developing on my wisdoms and went thru the process to get xrays and see dentist and get recommendation for extraction but she stopped wanting to kiss me and used this as a reason.

So when thinking about wanting to fukk her or look at porn, Id just jerk off and be thru with it. Continue my day. It made me physiologically different made me passive and made me really not give a fukk made me on edge and snappy. Would have to go drive and smoke and air out and take my shirt off and come home and hours later she come home bytching it smells like bud

Felt like I was in prison

"Bed isnt for relaxing and watching tv only for sleeping"

She had a couch too "don't lay on my couch only sit you are going to ruin it"



"Um k well move your couch out the way so I can put mine here" like I didn't need to use anything from you. Everything of mine i didnt care how she used never complained. She would usually spazz out and break/ bend/damage anything expensive I had, ipad,macbook etc throw things right at the tv.

Everything was money

I need this
I need that
This that
Frivolous if you ask me
It was always a necessity for something with a high price. I refused when it was stupid.

She brought me to see her therapist and it became an attack on my LEGAL MEDICAL tree usage. Im convinced she is narcissistic and hypochondriac and I say with this extreme care, I literally kept a log everytime she said something hurt,bothered her,appointment to doctor,urgent care etc something and when you realize she doesnt go more than 3 days without any instance you realize its a problem especially when in the past i dont even know how
Many years I havent been sick,needed a doctor or urgent care or anything, yet this bytch every single week has something.

Whatever she turned into something undesirable and I stuck it out, still tried being intimate still tried didnt cheat, you can see where The jerking off is coming into play more now. When she met me I was 5 blunts a day shawty. I put off living together and she kept with it and kept with it.
Also i saw no long term future in the state always told her im going back home
And this is where we will start a family.

My love for her became empty and it spewed hatred and my words to her and for her and about her just weren't great.

Never could relax, never could just take a shower real fast without 29 steps to make sure she isnt gonna flip. Homie came to my house one time and needed take a shower I hit him with the

Alot of other bad stuff I just cant seem to recall anymore maybe its repressed. Throwing things at me. Hitting me with a lamp over the head, involving my family
In dumb shyt then concluding they dont like you so talk shyt about them. Sending me to jail. Just so many petty things
Why would I ever want to live with another woman. Second time I lived with a chick. First one put police on me and would put all my shyt outside the door if not home by 10
Smartest thing ever did was make sure my name on the crib

 

[Dixon Cider]

@spaceXjamzZ
@JACK! @GetyourWalkonENYCE


I only wanted to start a real family brehs

 

[Freedman]

Sorry if you had feelings for her n all that but Bro all that love shyt is stupid and most of these heauxs is easily replaceable

 

[JetFueledThoughts]

What kinda wretched bytches do you try to stick it out with my dude .. ?


Are you Mexican? No stereotyping, but I feel like you definitely gotta be Mexican.

 

[Dixon Cider]

Sorry if you had feelings for her n all that but Bro all that love shyt is stupid and most of these heauxs is easily replaceable

I be knowing this too but the human side be in my feelings low key early morning

 

[StickStickly]

Question because it was unclear- were you texting or receiving texts from other woman??

And when you're in a relationship or trying to stay loyal to one girl, sucking on another woman's breast, flirting and grabbing body parts can be considered cheating. Everything you mentioned sounds like she has built up resentment. Something happened that hurt her and now everything you do is wrong and she is turned off by thought of touching you.

If she found out that you were talking to other women before the behavioral shift, that's your answer. Most women aren't dumb and can tell from very minor things when guys are lying or cheating. If you weren't receiving texts and there was no way for her to find out what you did, than it's probably the weed smoking. Sometimes if someone tells you why they're annoyed, believe them, especially if her therapist brought it up. It obviously bothers her enough to talk about it in therapy.

If she has problems in her last with negligent people who smoked a lot or hurt her, smoking 5 blunts a day may remind her of that person. (That's a lot of damn blunts anyway). A lot of people can't tolerate people who need substances to make it through the day. That's not uncommon. All of the passive aggressive shyt is her built up resentment of that.

Is this the same girl who fell in love with someone else? If yes she was probably comparing you to the other guy and resenting you for not being him. All your actions became a reminder that you are not him. In that case, you'll exhaust yourself trying to find the point where it went wrong. Sometimes people aren't meant to be together; you two were forcing something that wasn't meant to be and it made you miserable and left feeling unheard, belittled and unloved. Time to let her go- it wasn't meant to be.

 

[Dixon Cider]

Question because it was unclear- were you texting or receiving texts from other woman??

And when you're in a relationship or trying to stay loyal to one girl, sucking on another woman's breast, flirting and grabbing body parts can be considered cheating. Everything you mentioned sounds like she has built up resentment. Something happened that hurt her and now everything you do is wrong and she is turned off by thought of touching you.

If she found out that you were talking to other women before the behavioral shift, that's your answer. Most women aren't dumb and can tell from very minor things when guys are lying or cheating. If you weren't receiving texts and there was no way for her to find out what you did, than it's probably the weed smoking. Sometimes if someone tells you why they're annoyed, believe them, especially if her therapist brought it up. It obviously bothers her enough to talk about it in therapy.

If she has problems in her last with negligent people who smoked a lot or hurt her, smoking 5 blunts a day may remind her of that person. (That's a lot of damn blunts anyway). A lot of people can't tolerate people who need substances to make it through the day. That's not uncommon. All of the passive aggressive shyt is her built up resentment of that.

Is this the same girl who fell in love with someone else? If yes she was probably comparing you to the other guy and resenting you for not being him. All your actions became a reminder that you are not him. In that case, you'll exhaust yourself trying to find the point where it went wrong. Sometimes people aren't meant to be together; you two were forcing something that wasn't meant to be and it made you miserable and left feeling unheard, belittled and unloved. Time to let her go- it wasn't meant to be.

This waa a great response and I'll add clarifications to questions and will be interested in any added thoughts

No I was not texting any women or meeting with any women, the breast and ass touching all happened when out of town and she had been using sex as a weapon to withhold from me and I tested to see if I still had it if everything went sour but never wanted to fully to commit to that because I felt she wouldn't. First 6 months i smoked there was no issue , I even smoked in bed while fukking or getting sucked so when she flipped it was left field.

I slowed down heavily and went to smoking wax and still a about 2 blunts a day. We talked in therapy as long as I kept it away from her she was okay with it. The second I smoked on the porch outside and she came home later she flipped. She turned into a c*nt and she was someone I saw as having my child and a life something I wanted and thought was a blessing to find in California. The personalities changed and alot of things changed