My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a faq or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulging (Ooh!)
That's my motherfukking balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checking the mail
Get it? Checking the 'male'?
How many records you expecting to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from topping these charts
And you can't stop me from dropping each March
with a brand new CD for these fukking retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A fukk," still won't leave
[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]
I'm a CRIMINAL
Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep going, I don't take shyt from no one
[Eminem]
My mother did drugs - hard-liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fukk you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dikk shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink more liquor to fukk you up quicker
than you'd wanna fukk me up for saying the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's in
Replacing the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm taking his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL
[Interlude Skit]
Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfukker
get the motherfukking money and get the fukk up outta there
[Em] Aight
I'll be right here waiting on you
[Em] Aight
Yo Em
[Em] What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god damn, fukk...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the fukking money in the bag bytch
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bytch, quit looking around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fukking kill you
Hurry the fukk up! [*BOOM*] Thank you!
[Eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bytches, b*stards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet [*dog whines*]
If I ever gave a fukk, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dikk in between my legs and cluck
You motherfukking chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]
shyt, half the shyt I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fukking rapist in a Jason mask
to anyone else? i know that song is like a decade old but still, it seemed kinda weak. dude needs to get back on drugs haha. nah, it's all jokes...
