Ive been locked out for a while and really that was ok because ive really had no leisure time pretty much since anyway.
Alot of yall might remember the majority of the site formed like voltron and rose to the occasion when i needed my coli fam the most to pray with me for my wife who had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It really meant a lot to me, but to wife seeing so many people rise to stand proxy for her gave her so much strength she was able bravely and valiantly battle her illness like she was goku and the whold planet was lending its energy.
I cant log in but i want yall to know she lasted nearly over a year longer not even including the whole time she was stage 4 before we caught than the typical timeframe which is less than 12 months for lung cancer alone.
About two months ago she went in for pain and trouble walking. A bloodclot had spread from her leg to her lung and she spent a month in the hospital.
We took her home because rehab would not take her with a recurring fever. They said she would just be perpetually sent back to the ER. We basically had to accept things were coming to a head. Ive spent the last month helping her stay as comfortable as possible. We set up home hospice and they were able to finally properly medicate her. Even though i knew her time with me on this earth was coming to a close it was such a blessing to finally see her pain under control.
This last month has been so heartwrenching. A week ago she took a turn for the worst. Her mind was fading and she finally went into a brain fog she wasnt coming of. Somehow she was able to get up and walk perfectly normal around the house. She came to me and the bathroom and as if in a trance just started repeating to me "im ready to die". It was so confusing because the ease she was walking with almost made it seem like she was healing.
We went to the er and she just kept repeating that. To the point she grabbed me by the shoulder and started moving her hand like she was talking through a hand puppet. I had to get up to leave the room because i didnt want her to see me cry.Her last words she spoke to me as i got up pls dont leave me. So i sat my ass back down and just stroked hair and told her dont worry im not leaving here without u.
I stayed camped out there for 4 days, joined by her sons, we all stayed by her side stroking her hair, holding her hand and keeping her lips and mouth moist. Brehs i nearly broke the fukk down watching her suck that sponge like she was lost in the desert. September the 18th she peacefully and mercifully transitioned to her kingdom in paradise.
Now i want for a second to address the agents both on the site and waiting at the gates. I want yall to think about this for a moment. While yall so busy worrying about people u dont even know and how we live our lives and simply exist. Tomorrow is promised to none of us. Any given moment the one u love the most may be here, and the next moment be gone.
So maybe just leave us all
