The god you're referring to was given to is by the same people who have been terrorizing us forever. Yes it's hard, yes it's stressful, no you're not crazy, and you're not making it up in your head, you can't stop putting in the effort. I believe our focus should be on improving our own communities, so we can have the luxury of not having to deal with white people on a regular basis. We have to go to people who hate us to earn money. That's a problem, but in the meantime, you still have to pay bills.
I used to be on some holding hands bullshyt, and thinking I could explain things to my white friends, and help them understand, until I realized they are not ignorant about race, and are determined to get us to accept being mistreated. I was called hateful for responding to racism, and told calling them racist makes me racist. They love saying that shyt. It is not in their personal best interest to help us, or include us, so the sooner we accept that, the better. Even when we do make it, we still get mistreated, which is why we get excited when we see successful black people. We know all the extra work and the emotional toll they are going through. Y'all can't give up. We need to focus on connecting with more black people, and not debating white people, and begging them too like us.