Help an aspiring screenwriter out. Review my work, brehs.

The Burger King

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My goal is to become a screenwriter, preferably a comedy screenwriter. I have always been told that I'm a good writer, and while this is not my best work, I thought I might post it on The Coli as a "spec". I'm keeping my better material to myself, for now, but I would appreciate it if I could get some feedback on this story. I may post more in the future. Be warned, it's a "wall of text", but hopefully it's entertaining enough that you can read through it.

I don't want anyone to get offended and snitch, so I will warn you. It's a fictional news story about a teacher being accused of having sex with students. Whenever a story about a female teacher having sex with a male student is posted on here, someone always says "What if it were a male teacher?" Well…



GUCCI, MAINE - Recently, the Gucci Independent School District (GISD) has come under a lot of scrutiny due to a sex scandal allegedly involving a male teacher and multiple students. Mr. Manlet, who teaches at LaFlare High School, has been accused of making "sexually suggestive comments" to students and currently sits in the county jail without bail.

While the GISD has yet to release an official statement in regards to the accusations made against Mr. Manlet, our investigators here at 1017 News were able to interview many of Mr. Manlet's former students. Be warned, what you are about to hear may disturb you.

"I've sucked plenty of dikks," Scarlett McHarlot, a student at LaFlare High School, told our investigators. "I've swallowed more white stuff than a Colombian drug mule."

Scarlett McHarlot, a 16-year old cheerleader at LaFlare High School, was one of Mr. Manlet's first victims. While she is no stranger to sexual activity, nothing about her previous sexual encounters could prepare her for her encounter with Mr. Manlet, her Algebra teacher, who she has called a "deviant pig" and a "menace to children".

Crying-man1.jpg

Manlet's mugshot. Taken the day he was apprehended by the Gucci Police Department (GPD).

"I was talking to my friend in class when it happened," McHarlot told 1017 News, recounting her version of the story. "He stared at me for a few seconds and instructed me to see him after class. I felt so violated."

But, what happened after class is what made Scarlett feel the most uncomfortable...

"He reached into an orange folder and pulled out my latest test," Scarlett recalled, breaking into tears. "It had a giant 'D' written on it. He then asked me if I wanted the 'D' or if I thought I could do better."

"I'm not surprised one bit," Agnus Van Dike, author of the widely-acclaimed book "Even Yes Means No" told 1017 News. "Women are viewed as sex objects in this country, and it starts in the classroom."

Scarlett McHarlot is not the only student at LaFlare High School who has complained about Mr. Manlet. Students, such as 17-year old Becky Pawgawski, also feel uncomfortable interacting with the unmarried 39-year old Harvard Graduate. Pawgawski, an aspiring Instagram model, claims that she was subjected to sexual harassment when she met with Manlet to discuss her failing grade in his class.

"You have a 69 in my class because I feel that you deserve a 69," Becky has claimed Manlet stated during their conversation. "You are a bad student and it is reflected in your grade."

And that's when things escalated…

"When she told me about what he said, I knew I had to beat that nikka's ass," Jerome Cape, Pawgawski's self-proclaimed boyfriend, told 1017 News. "Hairline lookin' like the Mason-Dixon line and shyt."

Jerome Cape approached Mr. Manlet during his lunch hour, and a physical confrontation ensued. While it is not illegal for a teacher to defend themselves from a student, authorities say Manlet took things "too far". The school resource officer, Corporal Downlo, arrived at the scene minutes later and is one of multiple witnesses who claims that Manlet was molesting Jerome Cape in the middle of the cafeteria.

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Corporal Downlo, LaFlare High School's on-campus resource officer.

"Believe me, I know a lot about homosexual sex," Corporal Downlo told the media at an emergency press conference, smacking his lips. "That boy was violated in more than one way. He belongs to the streets now."

Police reports state that not only did Manlet mount Jerome Cape "from the back", but he was also shouting "You're gonna get it now!" at the top of his lungs. Mr. Manlet, who was an amateur wrestler in High School, claims that he was simply utilizing a wrestling technique that he was taught during his mediocre wrestling career. However, Officer Downlo has come out with convincing evidence that proves otherwise.

"He didn't say 'no homo' when he repeatedly shouted that statement," Downlo told the press, rubbing his microphone in a very "suspect" manner. "So clearly, he is a homo."

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The so-called "wrestling hold" that Manlet used on Jerome Cape.

Mr. Manlet, who was immediately arrested after the scuffle, could not be reached for comment due to the fact that he is currently awaiting trial. His lawyer, however, released a statement on his behalf. It reads:

"short nikkas lost."
 

The Burger King

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I need more feedback. Rep will be awarded to those who help me out, regardless of whether the feedback is negative or positive.
 

unit321

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Well, it reads like a short story and not a screenplay. Google it bruh. Not bad, a little cornball as in 1970s adult movie cornball.
 
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