How Childhood Trauma Affects Us in Adulthood and How To Overcome It

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According to research, two-thirds of us have experienced at least one adverse childhood event. Did you know these instances of childhood trauma continue to impact us as adults?[1]

Trauma describes not only the nature of an event but how it affects you. So, the same incident can affect people differently based on their unique needs and temperaments.[2] Trauma is not limited to physical abuse or neglect. It can show up as emotional abuse or witnessing something too much for a child to handle.

You’d be surprised to learn that your shortcomings or perceived weaknesses may actually be symptoms of unresolved trauma.

Here’s a look at how childhood trauma affects us as adults.

Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults​

1. Relationship Struggles​

Your attachment style influences the quality of your relationships. It’s how you connect and communicate with friends, family, and romantic partners.

People who grew up in healthy homes generally have a secure attachment style. They feel worthy of love and seek intimacy in their relationships.

If your emotional and/or physical needs were unmet in childhood, there’s a possibility that you could have developed an insecure attachment style. There are many signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults, and the two main insecure styles are the anxious style and the avoidant style. [3]

2. Self-Sabotage​

Self-sabotage is a symptom of childhood trauma in adults and it can show up at any time. This is how your inner child tries to keep you safe in ways that actually hold you back.

These self-defeating behaviors may have worked in the past. For example, staying quiet and small helped you avoid getting into trouble with your caregivers.

As an adult, the same self-protection stops you from speaking up in meetings or promoting yourself. This results in being passed over for promotions or failing to attract clients. As a child, you may have been rewarded for hiding your needs and feelings. Hiding helps you avoid the risk of rejection for who you are.

Another outcome of childhood trauma in adults is the difficulty of meeting your own needs. As a result, you’re susceptible to burnout from not knowing when to stop on your way to a goal.

When self-sabotage presents you with the next distraction or compels you to give up before the finish line, it may be answering your need for rest.

3. Perfectionism​

Perfectionism shares many of the characteristics of unresolved childhood trauma in adults. These include setting unreasonable standards for yourself, becoming a harsh inner critic, instilling terror of making mistakes, and trouble trusting others.
With this in mind, perfectionism is more nefarious than many of us think. It can be a conditioned response to a childhood in which “good enough” was not an option.

You have a loud inner critic that never seems to let you off the hook. You compare yourself to others and come up short. Never mind if they have decades of experience, you don’t. You feel as though you have to get things right the first time.

The need to be perfect paralyzes you due to your fear of making mistakes. This leads to underachievement and disappointment with yourself. While others are throwing stuff against the wall to see what sticks, you’re fretting about criticism that might come if you put yourself out there.

4. Social Isolation​

If you ask, “what does childhood trauma look like in adults?” social isolation is one of the most common symptoms.

Chronic feelings of loneliness and a tendency to avoid social interactions are other signs of unresolved childhood trauma in adults.

You might decide it’s easier to be alone because of how other people trigger you. If you grew up without learning how to handle your emotions or resolve conflict, dealing with others can be uneasy.

It’s not other people you’re avoiding but your reaction to what they might say or do. We can’t predict how others will behave and can easily become dysregulated by a comment or opinion.

That’s why being around others is not relaxing or comforting but challenging and counter-productive. It feels better to be on your own where you can rest safely knowing that no one will “trip you up.”
 

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