How often do you and your lady get into it?
- Thread starter EffYou
- Start date
Been w/ my lady for a lil over a year. Not one argument! Was there a minor disagreement within that year? Yes, but very minor and was quickly resolved which may have occurred early in the relationship.
I never been in that situation in my entire life! It's almost surreal but I like it!
I guess we both want peace since the both of us grew tired of having drama in our past relationships.
So, goes to show that people can effectively communicate w/o disrespecting each other if they want. It is a choice!
I never been in that situation in my entire life! It's almost surreal but I like it!
I guess we both want peace since the both of us grew tired of having drama in our past relationships.
So, goes to show that people can effectively communicate w/o disrespecting each other if they want. It is a choice!
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Magic Mulatto
Here Today, Gone Tomorrow. . .
I don’t think you could ever get into it with anybody @Commish
Your communication skills and EQ are next level…
long story but my girl and I have a unique situation and we started our relationship with her living with me. we started off arguing once every week, mostly because shes sensitive, defensive and sometimes delusional as hell.
6 months later and its about once every month. I have had to drill into her head the importance of picking battles and reframing. it has finally started to resonate
6 months later and its about once every month. I have had to drill into her head the importance of picking battles and reframing. it has finally started to resonate
RaspberryFitted
Boyz In Motion Member
Is it cool if you expand upon the bold? Specifically “picking battles and reframing”
it's definitely a choice. I am a very peaceful, mostly compromising person
my girl is very defensive and temperamental though. always giving negative body language or being passive aggressive over needless shyt. I have had to teach this chick a lot about conflict resolution. at times it felt like dealing with a child.
she's finally realizing among other things that if push comes to shove, I will drop her ass and render her moving to my country a waste of time. so she's finally fixing up and adapting to our situation.
it’s been so long i can’t even remember lol. It’s been years now. Might get on each others nerves from time to time but we’re good about communicating when we just need a little space to finish whatever we’re working on which is usually the reason most of the time. Been joined at the hip for the last seventeen years and married for fourteen of them. Not saying we never get into it, but it’s never anything that don’t get resolved within a half hour or that results in yelling at each other.
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Damnnnn, good shyt
silk scarfs
All Star
we use to fight alot when we was living at my parents house. but ever since we got our own place in october we havnt had any major fights yet. everything been smooth sailing. alot of the shyt people argue about wouldnt matter a week later. that mindset helped me alot.
Sure.
The way I see it, the two biggest things that disrupt relationships are ego and expectations. The former causes us to get mad about things that have happened, and the latter causes us to get mad about things that didnt happen.
Most of the expectations we impose on our partners are meaningless and arbitrary though. We develop them based on what we see on TV, hear from other people etc. but never stop to think whether or not it adds value or if there's a point to it. Furthermore, a lot of the time, if we just notified our partners in a healthy, un-hostile way of what we actually wanted or expected, they would be happy as hell to do it or adjust. For that reason, it is not healthy to expect things, but to simply communicate them. I told my girl at one point she needs to get rid of that word "should" from her vocabulary when she talks to me. I aint a mind reader and I have enough shyt to worry about rather than trying to read her mind. When it comes to ego, it causes us to get mad or defensive about things that are not offensive and at times are 100% innocent. It takes the attention away from what was said/done, and brings it onto the intent.
Overall, to quell both one's ego and expectations, one has to take a step back , empathize and realize that not everything is about them. The same things you may expect your partner to do, his or her ex may not have expected or liked. Or maybe she/he wasnt raised in an environment that nurtured/praised that kind of behavior. The same things you got mad at your partner for doing, an ex or family member might have liked or praised in the past. Give them the time to learn about you specifically and adjust rather than always getting slighted or defensive.
Picking battles is important because at the end of the day youre never going to find somebody who is perfect for you and just 100% undersetands you. We as human beings are too complex and life is too stressful. We go through many different ranges of moods, thoughts and behaviors as a result. So even if your partner does get you, there will be times they just dont have the energy, mood or sense to act correctly, and you need to give them leeway for that. They are human. If you bring up everything you have an issue with, the other person will eventually feel like you are insatiable and give up on trying to please you. I have a perfect analogy for this but dont want the post to be too long (it already is)
The only way to do that is to reframe the things they say and do, so as to not take it personally and to keep the peace. Failure to do so can lead to nitpicking (the opposite of picking battles) , which will lead to tons of arguments, misunderstandings and miscommunications. It relates back to the underlined text above too.
Think; you are with a partner who I hope wants to be happy and wants you to be happy. So why would they do or say some shyt that they know is going to hurt you, start an argument, and thereby piss them off/stress them out as well??? Its common sense. There are likely good or innocent reasons behind the shyt they do.
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@RaspberryFitted see the bold
One needs to pick their battles. Why argue about inconsequential shyt that really wont matter in the grand scheme of things?
TLDR
If you argue a lot with your partner, you and him/her need to understand the importance of putting your ego aside and lowering expectations. Communication is a tool one can use to turn "expectations" into healthy "requests". Reframing can be used to turn ones "defensiveness" into "understanding" of their perspective/intent. Lastly, picking ones battle will help prevent your partner from feeling like you are insatiable or overly critical and giving up on the relationship. You turn from being "critical" to "accepting".
nairdas
I've Destroyed Whole Planets
Every now and then but not a lot and it's also 90% of the time over some DUMBASS shyt. Like real dumb. Like one time we got into it over the weather. I really questioned our relationship that day because that was beyond unnecessary.