How the mighty have fallen: Kellen Winslow Jr. caught yanking his crank in parking lot

[FrostBite]

New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow was arrested for alleged marijuana possession in a parking lot last November, but a newly released police report from the incident reveals that smoking weed may not have been the only thing Winslow was up to that day. He may have also been masturbating in his car.

This information comes to us from NJ.com's Dom Cosentino, who unearthed the East Hanover police incident report. In it, the witness who called the police on Winslow explains what she saw:

"As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account."​

The report states that when police arrived on the scene, Winslow's genitals were not exposed but that "two open containers of Vaseline" were visible on the car's center console. Gross. When police asked Winslow what he was doing, he told them he was just looking for Boston Market, which is our new favorite euphemism.

@ "looking for Boston Market"

 

[Type Username Here]

He was looking for Boston Market but settled for the jerk chicken.

 

[FrostBite]

He was looking for Boston Market but settled for the jerk chicken.

 

[NkrumahWasRight Is Wrong]

He was looking for Boston Market but settled for the jerk chicken.

 

[Taadow]

"The cop noticed Winslow was wearing "dark colored" sweatpants and wrote that "his genitals were not exposed." But the cop also noticed "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console" and plastic bags marked "Mr. Happy" and empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" scattered throughout the vehicle."

But should I ask how??

 

[beenz]

was that nikka trying the ol whip out your meat technique on a female police officer???

 

[madness]

jack off in your whip when you're married to this

brehs

 

[Codeine Bryant]

fukkIN SOLDIER

 

[mozichrome]

dude really couldnt wait till he got home?

 

[King Biko]

this cant be real. Can it??

 

[Slystallion]

is he still in the league cuz if he is the locker room is going to be jokes on jokes on jokes for this guy

 

[FrostBite]

I just noticed it said TWO open containers of Vaseline.

 

[Amare's Right Hook]

A fukking soldier !!!!

 

[dennis roadman]

I just noticed it said TWO open containers of Vaseline.

maybe he's like dirk diggler in more ways than one

 

[Richard Wright]

plastic bags sound like weed was in em