Xanax recollections, all from age 18
Me, 4 grams of coke mixed with xanax, (my personal stash) in a small ziplock bag, two fifths of vodka, telling these 4 girls all I had was this mixture, all of us sitting around the table in her parents kitchen, doing lines, taking bars, and drinking shots, waking up her parents bed the next day, unclothed and no recollection of what happened, various girls in the bed with me, I never asked, and was never told what happened.....
I remember how hungry you get on that shyt, esp. smoking blunts, I have clear memories being in an Italian restaurant wit my boy and his girl, ordering a sandwich, pasta, steak.....Then being so high I bought an entire Nintendo 64 set, 'Goldeneye', and two controllers, just to play for like 20 minutes before I passed out. Those are the funnier ones lol
Waking up on my makeshift bed on the floor of my Dad's small apartment, yelling at him, and him screaming at me, just like moving through channels and finding this one, no idea what was said, or how long it had been going on...
Buying a few hundred valium in Tijuana on New Years Day 2004, on a Christmas break senior year of high school, a 2 week binge in hotel rooms, and I blacked out for three days, memories only in jagged pieces, stumbling out of my friends car, falling down in the parking lot, sniffing coke in PF Changs bathroom and stealing the napkins to blow my nose, strippers and hookers and dozens of valium coming out of pockets, handing them out to friends, girls...just a blur of hotel beds, hotel towels....Years later a girl friend who was witness to all this, slept in the same rooms, said she vividly remembers me waking up in bed with her next to me, I went to the bathroom, took 5 valium, chased it with vodka straight out of the bottle (usual for me) and took a shower, and got dressed. I don't remember that day, but that night my boy died...just like that, and I was still on a binge..
Just a lot of really dark shyt rolled into my teenage memories, I was self destructive to a point that I could have easily died or overdosed, all the times I mixed 4-5 percoset with a fifth of hennessey, or 2 bars and a bottle of Remy, a few times friends said they thought I was dead....