BREHS I'm fukkING TRAUMATIZED.
shyt!
I was heading out the door thinking about the grub I'm about to go pick up to eat
I open the door like any other day and all of a sudden something fukking falls on me. I'm wondering what the fukk is that and out of the corner of my eyes I saw the long ass snake midfall and I screamed and cursed like a bytch. Threw my keys and phone 20 feet away.
So im staring at the nikka still in disbelief wondering how he defied gravity.
then it dawns on me my girlfriend is going to come outside because she heard the commotion and this fukking snake is right in front of the door. I don't need this shyt in the house. Before I can scream out anything here she comes saying "what's wrong?". Now the snake makes an escape into the house and I scream "CLOSE THE DOOR!"
She sees the snake and makes
face and closes it with the quickness leaving me outside with the ass end of the snake.Now the snake is half way in the house and halfway outside stuck under the door
. She's screaming through the window saying what the fukk. 
I tell her throw me some ski gloves and I grab it by the ass and slowly open the door after making sure I got a good grip. It starts wiggling in my hand and then lunges at me. I throw that nikka 30 feet. I call animal control to remove it and dude finds it and tells me this shyt was a viper and I'm lucky it didn't bite me.
Brehs, I thought I was brave. Today I found out I can't fukk with snakes.
fukk snakes
