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I’M IN LOVE WITH MY DEAD SISTER’S HUSBAND
March 8, 2016 ‐ By Jazmine Denise Rogers
54 COMMENTS
Corbis Images
If you died, do you think you would be okay with your sister dating your husband? Yeah, the thought of that makes me feel weird as well. Something about it just seems wrong, but apparently, the heart wants what the heart wants. Recently, a woman by the name of Rachel turned to Reddit hoping to get some advice because she has fallen for her deaceased sister’s husband, Brian. And well, she’s pretty sure that Brian feels the same way.
Shortly after her sister’s death three years ago, Rachel moved in with Brian to help look after her then 18-month-old niece. They helped each other through plenty of difficult days and in a way, they became a family. Rachel explains:
My sister was killed by a drunk driver on her way home from work 3 years ago. She had been married to Brian for 6 years and when she was killed they had an 18-month-old daughter.
Obviously this death took a toll on our entire family, my parents in particular. Brian was of course devastated and heartbroken. He has good family and they were very supportive of him and his mom came to stay with him for 3 months after the accident to help with the baby. She, however, could not take off anymore time from work and Brian was faced with the very real problem of child care and having to work full time with no help.
At this point in time, I had lost my job due to budget cuts and I offered to help him out. He wanted to pay me but I told him that I would not take anything from him because this was my niece and I did not want to lose touch with her.
So what he started doing was providing me food every day. In other words he would buy groceries and I was free to use whatever I wanted. This worked out for awhile but it was becoming expensive driving back and forth everyday with no income coming in. At 4 months in, he came to me with the idea of fixing up the downstairs bedroom and asking if I wanted to stay on and take care of her full time until I found a job, he knew the gas was getting to be an issue not to mention I didn’t have the best of cars.
I spoke with my parents just to make sure nobody would be creeped out by this and told them that this was just a babysitting gig to help keep my niece close to me. I felt like in many ways this was a way of keeping my sister close to me as well.
I’ve lived here now for almost 2 years, which I do not regret.
According to Rachel, she and Brian have respected each other’s boundaries for the duration of their relationship, but this hasn’t stopped them from developing romantic feelings for one another. She discovered that he felt the same way that she did after stumbling across a Facebook messenger conversation Brian had with his brother.
There have been many of nights one of us has held the other as they cried. In many ways this has been very helpful getting through this, I actually feel like I get strength from him sometimes when I get sad and I really feel like I have helped him as well.
He has had grief counseling over the past two years. I know for a fact he has not seen, dated or really even looked at another woman. In fact about 6 months after the funeral, he told me he would never get married again and did not see him ever loving anyone again. I know that was the hurt talking but for about 3 years now he has held fast to that.
Okay I’m not going to lie. Despite my best efforts and believe me I know how sick this is and how much I am not honoring my sister but I have fallen in love with him. We have never touched each other in anything other than the gentle hugs of people comforting one another. To be honest I know he feels the same way I do. How do I know that you might ask, well here is where I further admit to being a bad person. His Ipad is synched up to his phone and his facebook messages go to both. I was picking up in the living room when he ipad dinged and his messanger went to his save screen. I saw my name. Normally I don’t look but I saw my name on there and while I know it was wrong I opened up his page upon page long conversation he was having with his brother admitting that he was falling for me. The gist of their conversation was how he felt very confused and of course guilt over my sister. His brother’s advice to him was to not really engage me in anything because he felt like he was just trying to copy his life with my sister. I love my sister, I miss her everyday. I am not my sister. We look similar but certainly are not identical and our personalities could not be more different from one another.
Now, Rachel is wondering if she would be wrong to act on her feelings.
I am now caught in my own moral quandary. I know how I feel about him, I know how he feels about me. Do I say anything to him? Do I profess my feelings for him? Or is his brother right? Also would this be dishonoring my sister? Even though my niece calls me Aunt Rachel, I feel like we have bonded and she is really like my daughter.
Look if life was fair, my sister would be here, I would have finished my degree and would be working on the west coast by now.
This is so confusing. I honestly think my parents already think something is going on so telling them I don’t think would come as much of a shock.
What would you do?
I'm In Love With My Dead Sister's Husband
March 8, 2016 ‐ By Jazmine Denise Rogers
54 COMMENTS
Corbis Images
If you died, do you think you would be okay with your sister dating your husband? Yeah, the thought of that makes me feel weird as well. Something about it just seems wrong, but apparently, the heart wants what the heart wants. Recently, a woman by the name of Rachel turned to Reddit hoping to get some advice because she has fallen for her deaceased sister’s husband, Brian. And well, she’s pretty sure that Brian feels the same way.
Shortly after her sister’s death three years ago, Rachel moved in with Brian to help look after her then 18-month-old niece. They helped each other through plenty of difficult days and in a way, they became a family. Rachel explains:
My sister was killed by a drunk driver on her way home from work 3 years ago. She had been married to Brian for 6 years and when she was killed they had an 18-month-old daughter.
Obviously this death took a toll on our entire family, my parents in particular. Brian was of course devastated and heartbroken. He has good family and they were very supportive of him and his mom came to stay with him for 3 months after the accident to help with the baby. She, however, could not take off anymore time from work and Brian was faced with the very real problem of child care and having to work full time with no help.
At this point in time, I had lost my job due to budget cuts and I offered to help him out. He wanted to pay me but I told him that I would not take anything from him because this was my niece and I did not want to lose touch with her.
So what he started doing was providing me food every day. In other words he would buy groceries and I was free to use whatever I wanted. This worked out for awhile but it was becoming expensive driving back and forth everyday with no income coming in. At 4 months in, he came to me with the idea of fixing up the downstairs bedroom and asking if I wanted to stay on and take care of her full time until I found a job, he knew the gas was getting to be an issue not to mention I didn’t have the best of cars.
I spoke with my parents just to make sure nobody would be creeped out by this and told them that this was just a babysitting gig to help keep my niece close to me. I felt like in many ways this was a way of keeping my sister close to me as well.
I’ve lived here now for almost 2 years, which I do not regret.
According to Rachel, she and Brian have respected each other’s boundaries for the duration of their relationship, but this hasn’t stopped them from developing romantic feelings for one another. She discovered that he felt the same way that she did after stumbling across a Facebook messenger conversation Brian had with his brother.
There have been many of nights one of us has held the other as they cried. In many ways this has been very helpful getting through this, I actually feel like I get strength from him sometimes when I get sad and I really feel like I have helped him as well.
He has had grief counseling over the past two years. I know for a fact he has not seen, dated or really even looked at another woman. In fact about 6 months after the funeral, he told me he would never get married again and did not see him ever loving anyone again. I know that was the hurt talking but for about 3 years now he has held fast to that.
Okay I’m not going to lie. Despite my best efforts and believe me I know how sick this is and how much I am not honoring my sister but I have fallen in love with him. We have never touched each other in anything other than the gentle hugs of people comforting one another. To be honest I know he feels the same way I do. How do I know that you might ask, well here is where I further admit to being a bad person. His Ipad is synched up to his phone and his facebook messages go to both. I was picking up in the living room when he ipad dinged and his messanger went to his save screen. I saw my name. Normally I don’t look but I saw my name on there and while I know it was wrong I opened up his page upon page long conversation he was having with his brother admitting that he was falling for me. The gist of their conversation was how he felt very confused and of course guilt over my sister. His brother’s advice to him was to not really engage me in anything because he felt like he was just trying to copy his life with my sister. I love my sister, I miss her everyday. I am not my sister. We look similar but certainly are not identical and our personalities could not be more different from one another.
Now, Rachel is wondering if she would be wrong to act on her feelings.
I am now caught in my own moral quandary. I know how I feel about him, I know how he feels about me. Do I say anything to him? Do I profess my feelings for him? Or is his brother right? Also would this be dishonoring my sister? Even though my niece calls me Aunt Rachel, I feel like we have bonded and she is really like my daughter.
Look if life was fair, my sister would be here, I would have finished my degree and would be working on the west coast by now.
This is so confusing. I honestly think my parents already think something is going on so telling them I don’t think would come as much of a shock.
What would you do?
I'm In Love With My Dead Sister's Husband
