Independent women

[Remote]

So in some of these threads, there's this underlying trend behind these relationship posts about independent women and what they seek in a relationship. (and Independent men and what they seek).

So maybe it's time to lay it out.
What does being independent mean?
And how does that fit in with your marriage/relationships?
What do you need from your partner?
I'm curious why so few people ever actually spell out what it is they seek and expect.

And I think it's because most people are unwilling to admit that they aren't sure what they are looking for.
Or they are afraid to admit what they want for fear that they'll be questioned about it.
That old "I don't have to explain anything to you" line is just masking insecurity.

 

[Sterling Archer]

If she's really an independent woman then she doesn't need shyt but dikk from me because EVERYTHING ELSE she can get on her own right? Yet demands about what she NEEDS will always come up despite being....independent. What does that tell you?
:kermitcup:

 

[KenyaDoll]

*Singing* On that independent shyt; trade it all for a husband and some kids

 

[TheFemalePerspective]

I think people should strive for interdependency when it comes to relationships. That's rarely brought up, because people think you either have to be independent or dependent. Relationships shouldn't be perceived as: What can he/she do for me? But what can I do for them? If we come to the table, expecting high standards from ourselves, rather than counting the things our partner can do for us, we'd have a much more fulfilling relationship. Granted, they are just as mature and have a similar outlook. I'm not sure if I answered your Q precisely but that's my overview of things.

 

[Remote]

*Singing* On that independent shyt; trade it all for a husband and some kids

Is that from a Kanye West song?

 

[Remote]

If she's really an independent woman then she doesn't need shyt but dikk from me because EVERYTHING ELSE she can get on her own right? Yet demands about what she NEEDS will always come up despite being....independent. What does that tell you?
:kermitcup:

That trolling came on a bit strong, breh.
lol

 

[Remote]

I think people should strive for interdependency when it comes to relationships. That's rarely brought up, because people think you either have to be independent or dependent. Relationships shouldn't be perceived as: What can he/she do for me? But what can I do for them? If we come to the table, expecting high standards from ourselves, rather than counting the things our partner can do for us, we'd have a much more fulfilling relationship. Granted, they are just as mature and have a similar outlook. I'm not sure if I answered your Q precisely but that's my overview of things.

Fair enough.

But name some of those things to bring to the table. Because that's the part that never gets discussed and gets swept under the rug of "well it depends on the people"

I'm asking what it depends on for YOU.

 

[sanityovar8ted]

Imma member of the dependant party. Me and my husband split rent and bills, but I depend on him being the head of our household. He doesnt exclude my input on decisions made for the family. Where he leads I follow.

 

[Taadow]

So in some of these threads, there's this underlying trend behind these relationship posts about independent women and what they seek in a relationship. (and Independent men and what they seek).

So maybe it's time to lay it out.
What does being independent mean?
And how does that fit in with your marriage/relationships?
What do you need from your partner?
I'm curious why so few people ever actually spell out what it is they seek and expect.

And I think it's because most people are unwilling to admit that they aren't sure what they are looking for.
Or they are afraid to admit what they want for fear that they'll be questioned about it.
That old "I don't have to explain anything to you" line is just masking insecurity.

Oh no...no...people know what they're looking for...but they don't want to show their hands.
...and that makes sense. I mean, if someone says "I want all of this..." somebody can give them the illusion of "all of that"
and then skate off when they get what they want.

And is anybody really "independent"? [Frank Sinatra] Everybody needs somebody sometiiiiiiiiiiiiiimesssssss [/alcoholism]

 

[Sterling Archer]

That trolling came on a bit strong, breh.
lol

I really wasn't trolling though lol. I'm serious. Only women feel the the need to express how independent they are every second they get which reeks of insecurity and only creates a distance that will eventually be the downfall of the relationship. You've never heard a man professing how independent he is and blah x3. There's no need because a significant number of women who make the claim of independency by their own standard, will fall tremendously short of it. I've been with a truly independent woman and Ive been with the typical "independent " woman and the true one, never made so much as a peep about her independecy. While the "independent" women always had needs and demands about this, that and the third.

The fact of the matter is in a relationship, you need the other person to some degree. Either because you rely on them for something (not monetary) or because their presence enables you to become even better. In this sense, if you don't need the person you're with then you're with the wrong person or you are dumb as shyt.

 

[TheFemalePerspective]

Fair enough.

But name some of those things to bring to the table. Because that's the part that never gets discussed and gets swept under the rug of "well it depends on the people"

I'm asking what it depends on for YOU.

I would say the 3 most important deciding factors in this day and age are: Financial stability, emotional stability, and similar libido.

1) Finance: It's the 21st century and money problems are real. You're more likely to fight when bills are not paid, so setting your house in order, in respect of that is VERY important. From the get go, there should be openness in relation to this. I've known men who have kept a facade about their money problems -- buying their woman anything she wants, allowing her to get used to that lifestyle & later on it blows up in their face. I think it's important to bring monetary value to the table UNLESS one of you can be the breadwinner and this will not be an issue. But in most households, it takes 2 incomes to live comfortably.

2) Emotional Stability: If you haven't worked out your partner's emotional needs then you'll always bump heads. Right now I know two partners who are married.. they are complete opposites: 1 is an introvert & the other is an extrovert. The extrovert NEEDS to talk constantly in order to FEEL close to their loved one, and feels rejected when the introvert needs time alone. Other differences have emerged but I don't want to type too much, lol. The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes people overlook their partner's emotional needs because they project their own needs to their partner. They think, oh i like this, so he must too... failing to understand that we all LOVE differently; we all show and react to emotions differently. If partners lack the capability of expressing their emotions clearly to each other, hoping the other one is a mind reader -- then they'll have a long bumpy road ahead.

3) Sex is important. But we all have a different libido. If you're horny.. make sure you marry someone just as horny. If sex makes you tired and you can go without it like a monk -- then marry someone similar.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[KenyaDoll]

So in some of these threads, there's this underlying trend behind these relationship posts about independent women and what they seek in a relationship. (and Independent men and what they seek).

So maybe it's time to lay it out.
What does being independent mean?
And how does that fit in with your marriage/relationships?
What do you need from your partner?
I'm curious why so few people ever actually spell out what it is they seek and expect.

And I think it's because most people are unwilling to admit that they aren't sure what they are looking for.
Or they are afraid to admit what they want for fear that they'll be questioned about it.
That old "I don't have to explain anything to you" line is just masking insecurity.

What does being independent mean?
I personally think it means being self-sufficient. I hope that everyone reaches that stage in life before marriage or a serious relationship leading to marriage. I believe this stage in life helps you to learn your strengths and weakness and hopefully allows you time to improve yourself. Everyone has different definitions though.

How does it fit in with your marriage/relationships?
I think the independent/self-sufficient stage could give you good idea of the type of partner you need to balance out your strengths and weakness. Good relationships are complementary. I actually like the word that The Female Perspective used. I think healthy relationships involve interdependency in which both people bring strengths and help each other further develop their weak spots.

What do you need from your partner?
In addition to the basic (honest, faithful, committed, regular sex and etc), I need a partner who is willing and able to communicate effectively. I think relationships break down when people aren't able or will to convey their needs and desires. I also need someone who has pursued a career that gives him personal fulfillment. When people hate their jobs and work life, that typically affects their perception of home life and satisfaction. I also need someone with good decision making abilities and financial skills. I have to be able to trust that he can and will lead the family in a good direction. Open-mindedness and a willingness to try new things is also important. It is also very important that the person I'm with is spiritually grounded and emotionally stable.

 

[Rawtid]

Financially you can be independent but i feel to some degree both men and women (should) have an emotional dependence on each other. There is no better feeling than intimacy which is not the same as sex.

NO ONE knows what they are looking for thats why dating is such trial and error and we create these stupid lists of standards to make the process easier but it really boils down to how we feel about one another.

With all that said no one NEEDS anyone and being hesitant or flat out against "relationships" is understandable.

 

[KenyaDoll]

Is that from a Kanye West song?

Yeah.

 

[KenyaDoll]

Oh no...no...people know what they're looking for...but they don't want to show their hands.
...and that makes sense. I mean, if someone says "I want all of this..." somebody can give them the illusion of "all of that"
and then skate off when they get what they want.

And is anybody really "independent"? [Frank Sinatra] Everybody needs somebody sometiiiiiiiiiiiiiimesssssss [/alcoholism]

I agree. I don't want to give anyone I'm dating a blueprint to pretend that they are everything I want. I would like to see it for myself then decide.