IS IT OKAY FOR YOUR LADY TO TAKE THE LEAD??

[Boujee Bonita Braxton]

And before it's asked know that I'm only asking because it will be an unbiased opinion. You don't know me nor my man personally so you can only judge by the information I'm offering....

Okay so a few weeks ago my man lost his great benefits, well paying job and because of that he was forced to take temporary ticket jobs from an unemployment agency. Now this is all well and fine except for the fact that now I currently make significantly more money than he does now.

This is NOT a problem for me as I tell him constantly that this is still his home and he is the man of the house. However,whenever I make polite suggestions about ways we BOTH can cut back on spending (I'm a saver he's a spender) money then an argument ensues because he feels I'm not respecting him since he's no longer the breadwinner.

My question is do most or all ADULT men have an issue with a women making more money than them? Is it a power thing?

I just want to know because I want him to feel secure in his role.

 

[scarlxrd]

He's a chump. He needs to deal with those insecurities within himself, letting emotions cloud his better judgment.

I don't have an issue if my wife makes more than I do because she does. We are both working towards the same goal so it's essentially a pool of funds, not hers or mine.

 

[Jesus Shuttlesworth]

I don't think there's a problem with a woman making more than a man as long as the man can still hold it down. Like Ari Gold and his wife in Entourage. Wife was an heiress but Ari made money too and they used that to take care of home.

I hold my family down. If wifey one day started making double what I earn, then she would just have a phat ass bank account and I'd keep holding my family down like always.

But your situation is obviously different. Understand this: if your man has any type of self-worth or dignity, he is NOT going to be happy with his current employment situation. No self-respecting man is gonna be "ok" with not earning money and having his lady take care of him. As such, he is going to be short and on edge. But that comes from not being ABLE to take care of you the way he wants, not necessarily you making more than him.

I feel you in regards to him spending money frivolously while you all are in a bind. It's important to pick your battles with an irritable man but it's also important to ensure you have enough for the necessities.

 

[Cynic]

I cant relate to this... Only women I've met with more money were diplomats and Saudis/persians

 

[42 Monks]

And before it's asked know that I'm only asking because it will be an unbiased opinion. You don't know me nor my man personally so you can only judge by the information I'm offering....

Okay so a few weeks ago my man lost his great benefits, well paying job and because of that he was forced to take temporary ticket jobs from an unemployment agency. Now this is all well and fine except for the fact that now I currently make significantly more money than he does now.

This is NOT a problem for me as I tell him constantly that this is still his home and he is the man of the house. However,whenever I make polite suggestions about ways we BOTH can cut back on spending (I'm a saver he's a spender) money then an argument ensues because he feels I'm not respecting him since he's no longer the breadwinner.

My question is do most or all ADULT men have an issue with a women making more money than them? Is it a power thing?

I just want to know because I want him to feel secure in his role.

Good on you for having his back in a rough time and reassuring him that he's still important regardless of his job status. That's rare shyt.

At the same time.... plenty of guys talk a good game about being confident in themselves and self-sufficient, soooooooo just be aware that its not going to be a situation that's just "everything is good because he and i both say it is " its gonna be an adjustment period for both of yal. Hope he gets on his feet quickly, but if he doesn't, you gotta know how long you're willing to wait, how much you're willing to help, and how far you're ready to let him fall - because its better to think of that shyt now then be surprised all after the fact. Support, don't nag. But its a rough road sometimes.




Personally I'm okay with not being the breadwinner. I love my line of work and would do my job for free, I'm just happy to get paid well enough to live how I want and have the option to increase my earnings as well its 2015, bae should have her own and the more the better. Some guys ain't okay with that though. Some guys never have to think about it because they intentionally look for skallywags. But now you got a guy that ain't got a choice BUT to deal with it. Or not. Its up to him.

#gmb

 

[scarlxrd]

I wanna say that I don't think your dude is necessarily a chump but this loss of job has him deep in his emotions. It seems like that job defined him as a man so having lost that, he lost some self worth. It'll bounce back and you're a good woman for allowing him to maintain his role even though he's not doing what he was able to do. Your situation is a little different from just men being with someone woman who makes more than them. He's unemployed and down on his luck. So yeah, he's just emotional about it understandably.

Support, don't nag

Even though it seems like you are, This. If you want this to continue to work during this rough time, this is the way to do it.

 

[Doobie Doo]

And before it's asked know that I'm only asking because it will be an unbiased opinion. You don't know me nor my man personally so you can only judge by the information I'm offering....

Okay so a few weeks ago my man lost his great benefits, well paying job and because of that he was forced to take temporary ticket jobs from an unemployment agency. Now this is all well and fine except for the fact that now I currently make significantly more money than he does now.

This is NOT a problem for me as I tell him constantly that this is still his home and he is the man of the house. However,whenever I make polite suggestions about ways we BOTH can cut back on spending (I'm a saver he's a spender) money then an argument ensues because he feels I'm not respecting him since he's no longer the breadwinner.

My question is do most or all ADULT men have an issue with a women making more money than them? Is it a power thing?

I just want to know because I want him to feel secure in his role.

Yes a real man is going to have an issue with his lady making more money than him. How much he is insecure depends on him. My lady can make more than me as long as I know I would be able to live comfortably on my own with my money.

 

[Treblemaka]

Question for @Out2TheOld :

Were you mentioning money saving when he had the good job with good money?

 

[old_timer]

when you're on thin ice, everyone needs to take off their stomping boots

being unemployed is definitely no fun
but when one person is out of work, it doubles the pressure on the working spouse
that stress goes up tenfold if the out of work person is ignoring reality

the longer he's unemployed, it becomes more and more important for him to follow conventional wisdom (realistic job search, cut out unnecessary expenses) and less about indulging his pity party

i talk this way because it has to be bad if the working spouse starts asking the internet for advice

 

[whknorth]

how are you making that money tho?

 

[Boujee Bonita Braxton]

Question for @Out2TheOld :

Were you mentioning money saving when he had the good job with good money?

Yes I was. I was raised with the rainy day/emergency fund mentality. Where he feels he works hard for his money so he should be able to pay bills then spend what's left.

That's always been an issue in our relationship but I guess he always felt he had more of a say because HE was the one bringing in the bulk of the money.

 

[Boujee Bonita Braxton]

how are you making that money tho?

Just know it doesn't involve me taking off my clothes,laying on my back, or hiding from the law....

 

[StickStickly]

What would you guys say happens in a man when a woman nags him to much?

 

[Treblemaka]

Yes I was. I was raised with the rainy day/emergency fund mentality. Where he feels he works hard for his money so he should be able to pay bills then spend what's left.

That's always been an issue in our relationship but I guess he always felt he had more of a say because HE was the one bringing in the bulk of the money.

Y'all need to have a 'Come to Jesus' meeting. Lay the finances out. Ask him about his money goals and show him yours then build a path on how to get there.

Make sure he knows you love him and support whether he is the breadwinner or not.

A word of caution. Most men like to control the household. One way some men do that is through the "I make the check I make the rules" argument. When he loses that power it can play with his pride and may require a readjustment period.

 

[Sauce Dab]

This is the coli everybody makes 6 figures so nobody would know what he feels like