Man... y'all ever done battle with a spider ?

[Kwéyòl]

When i was a wee lad living in the countrysides of the south i left my home to get on the schoolbus and one of these had made a web in the middle of my front door

I didnt like that shyt

I damn near walked into the web. and theres nothing worse then having a spider on you with that nasty web shyt you cant grab all over your face.

I looked him up and down and told him

I dont have time to do battle with you right now so im gonna give you this moment to setup shop elsewhere, like somewhere with cheaper real estate, because if you still on that door when i get home from school ???????

I thought about the spider from the time i got on the bus, to the time i got off the bus to come home.

I went to the front door and who do i see chillin

Ive seen this before, ive done this before. Crittters, using intimidation tactics to claim turf on my property but even at 14 these idle threats were meaningless to me. Ive done battle with greater foes then arachnids. Ive taken possums, snakes, neighborhood bully dogs and fire ants to war. 1 spider?

I went to the side of the house and got the water hose. No we dont play fair. I walked right up on him and slapped his web, giving him one more chance to evict himself. He gave no fukks

BLAST \\

Direct contact. His body slapped against the door as his web reacted violently to the force of the hose.

He fell and was trying to get the water off his legs so he could start moving.

BLASTED AGAIN

Water hammered him against the door. He was motion less outside of some movement from his legs. I then captured him in a little plastic cup. The battle was over but his torture was just beginning.

At the end of my driveway there was a fire ant hill. I walked over to it, told them bytches to wake up and slapped the kufi off the top of the ant hill with my shoe.

Every ant in that bich was like ready to get involved with that action.

The spider had gotten his bearings and was beginning to move in the cup so i had to react fast

Dumped him in the ant hill.

I think he realized then why humans are at the top of the foodchain. He somersaulted and cartwheeled all around that ant hill as them fire ants bit plugs out his ass. Within a minute he was motionless and was slowly being drug into a dungeon of ants to be consumed and forgotten by the world.

Nature realized that day that fearless teenagers are a force to be reckoned with. .

The moral of the story is that when you are given a chance to escape the clutches of death, dont allow pride and entitlement to send you to an early grave

 

[thatdude954]

I hate spiders. HATE THEM! But yall ever do battle with a flying roach?

Being from up north I had never heard of palmetto bugs/flying roaches. Only people who had roaches where I am from where people who kept a nasty house. I am living down south and get my first apt with my 1st wife. We had just signed the lease and moved our shyt in. I go into the bathroom in our bedroom and see this chilling on the shower wall.

I am sitting there like That roach is abnormally large. . . And we better not have a roach infestation. . May need to tell management. While I am sitting there pondering stupid shyt the roach take flight right at me!



No homo but I was shook. For one I was not use to seeing roaches and never seen one that big. Secondly I DID NOT KNOW THEY FLY!! I back up while throwing blows

I hit nothing but air. Roach was ducking them shyts. His unpredictable flight pattern had me confused. . And he was still advancing. Dancing around my fists. I steady am backing up until I am in our bedroom then I trip on our bed and flip ass over tea kettle and somersault over the bed and land on the other side on the floor. While I was combat rolling over the bed one of my legs clipped the lamp on the nightstand and that shyt came crashing down.

My girl comes running in the room like She was putting shyt away in the kitchen. .

Girl - What is wrong?? What happened??

Me - THE ROACH!! IT WAS FLYINGGGGG!!

Girl - ( she spots the roach which is now chilling on a wall ) nikka that is a palmetto bug. They actually live in the trees and yeah they can fly.

Me - Palmetto bug??

Roaches are fearless. Even if you hit em with some Raid, they fly right at you.

 

[Address_Unknown]

fukk ass spiders. Y'all don't own books?
Got a bunch of them old Hardback Danielle Steel novels with Fabio on the sleeve jacket my mom used to read back in the days, scuffed up and worn from throwing at fukking bugs in the house. Aim, throw, slam. Scrape up whatever is on the back and Keep it moving.

Only thing I ever did battle with was a fukking snake.
When I was like 15-16, I was down in my uncle's room in the basement, slung back in his EZ chair, Sipping on some Coke and Hennessy watching Latenite HBO shyt when this fukking snake popped his head inside like ''Wassup nikka?? You down here getting drunk 'bout to beat yo meat to that Skinimax shyt ain't ya?''

Tucked my shook ass into a ball, hugging my feet screaming like a bytch and he fukking charged the damned couch! Couldn't do nothing but take the couch cushion and slam it down on him a few times until I thought he'd quit and fukking leave but somehow he clung to that shyt and I tossed it against the wall and started screaming more until my Mom and Aunt came down all frantic wanting to know what was going on. I was like ''A fukking snake jumped in here! He behind that cushion! OR somewhere! Watch your feet!'' My mom saw that half empty bottle of Henessy and went ''Dis Drunken Muddaskunt...'' and they both wrote it off as me seeing shyt and kept bringing up another incident where I was drinking and watching tv and I swore to all fukk I saw the biggest, Master splinter-eque looking mouse behind the telly Cupboard....which turned out to be the shadow of the remote against the wall.
Room started to smell super fukked up less than a week later. Found the snake curled up behind a chest of drawers, though.
Been prepared to do battle with shyt like that since. Got rows and rows of old construction boots and unwanted books to do battle with these fools, man. Whenever I see an unwanted houseguest I just go

 

[batsu]

This thread reminds me of this video of MrChiCity vs a bug. shyt was hilarious .








What happened to that breh anyway . I always remember to keep my fridge stocked up and have snacks on snacks. If you don't know

 

[TwistedMetal]

I back up while throwing blows

I hit nothing but air. Roach was ducking them shyts. His unpredictable flight pattern had me confused. . And he was still advancing. Dancing around my fists. I steady am backing up until I am in our bedroom then I trip on our bed and flip ass over tea kettle and somersault over the bed and land on the other side on the floor. While I was combat rolling over the bed one of my legs clipped the lamp on the nightstand and that shyt came crashing down.

 

[DirtyMoney]

Spiders setup a concentration camp outside the apartment complex door. All i see is dead flies and bugs in the corner of the door..

Its all cos of these fukkass trees that are growing by the apartment. Perfect breeding grounds for these degenerate bugs

 

[pawdalaw]

I've had ups and downs with insects. My most memorable is being a teenager, my room is in the basement. there was a crack in the wall near my bed. There was a colony of ants living there. They never fukked with me but it gave me the creeps. Every night I would envision them crawling on me.

I stuffed the crack with newspaper, them bytches chewed through that. I then filled it up with caulk. They came back. Every night I'm shook because there is a crack in my wall with hundreds of ants posted up. I'm not really religious these days but at the time I was like God please help me, these ants are winning the battle. and aint shyt I can do about it.

Woke up the next day and a spider sewed that crack up with his web. I don't recall much what happened after that. but they got the message. A few days later no ants, no spider and I felt like God answered my prayers.

 

[CACarot]

Got a spider currently living in my room, by my the base of my TV stand. I'm letting him live to kill any possible other bugs that could parlay through the area.

 

[LadySimone]

I hate spiders too. They are like drunk relatives. They come around and act like they have a right to stay. You expect them to stay in the corner with they bottle and not say shyt but naw... They flex on you embarrass the fukk out of you then have the nerve to come back next week on some ol "I'll stay in the corner and not say shyt" but you know they going to get up and start tripping.

Like drunk relatives you don't mind them if they would just shut up sit the fuvk down and don't bother nobody.

 

[Scarface sniffin cocaine]

This spider had setup shop on my porch across from the light so to be a smartass i didnt turn the light on for like a week lol and the spider started looking

This spider was black and yellow on some wiz or roethlisberger type ish

I thought starving him would get him to move on but he was there everyday on somewhich turned to

I have a screened porch so i didnt get his logic but i would speak to him when i came and went like "my nikka"or "you bytch you"but the time came when it was time to say our goodbyes

I told him scaring my girl was funny but my mom and aunt were coming in from out of town so he had to go by tomorrow at the latest

I even gave him a nice meal before i left for work of two moths and a fly which he wrapped up quicker than an oscar speech

I was like damn nature you scary

As i was leaving i turned around slow like a sheriff in an old western and said now remember you better hightail it outta here by the time i return

A tumbleweed went by as i left with this look

When i came home i saw a crowd had gathered for this inevitable showdown between charlottes husband and I

A frog was posted on the opposite wall of the porch and seventeen ants had made seats up the far pillar of the screen architecture like

I walk up and say well i see you dont hear too good son

Him:

Well i suppose there arent any words needed past this point

Him:

Me and this spider had a standoff like

Him:

I break the silence and say last chance

Him:

Thats when i pull out a newly purchased can of black flag

Him:

I yell out you made me do this

Him:

I was on some one republic too late to apologize ish and sprayed a stream of death juice his way with a guttural war cry

Him:

My shot was off and he scrambled like randall with his

Him:

My next shot drowned him in suffocating fashion

Him:

I watched him die a slow dramatic death

Him:

Then finally..

Him:

I cautiously step forward as he flips over and stops moving

Him:

Ants:

I fall to my knees dropping the can




There might a little exaggeration but thats how it felt brehs

 

[earl n water]

When i was a wee lad living in the countrysides of the south i left my home to get on the schoolbus and one of these had made a web in the middle of my front door

I didnt like that shyt

I damn near walked into the web. and theres nothing worse then having a spider on you with that nasty web shyt you cant grab all over your face.

I looked him up and down and told him

I dont have time to do battle with you right now so im gonna give you this moment to setup shop elsewhere, like somewhere with cheaper real estate, because if you still on that door when i get home from school ???????

I thought about the spider from the time i got on the bus, to the time i got off the bus to come home.

I went to the front door and who do i see chillin

Ive seen this before, ive done this before. Crittters, using intimidation tactics to claim turf on my property but even at 14 these idle threats were meaningless to me. Ive done battle with greater foes then arachnids. Ive taken possums, snakes, neighborhood bully dogs and fire ants to war. 1 spider?

I went to the side of the house and got the water hose. No we dont play fair. I walked right up on him and slapped his web, giving him one more chance to evict himself. He gave no fukks

BLAST \\

Direct contact. His body slapped against the door as his web reacted violently to the force of the hose.

He fell and was trying to get the water off his legs so he could start moving.

BLASTED AGAIN

Water hammered him against the door. He was motion less outside of some sluggish twitching movement from his legs. He was then captured him in a little plastic cup. The battle was over but his torture was just beginning.

At the end of my driveway there was a fire ant hill. I walked over to it, told them bytches to wake up and slapped the kufi off the top of the ant hill with my shoe.

Every ant in that bich was like ready to get involved with that action.

The spider had gotten his bearings and was beginning to move in the cup so i had to react fast

Dumped him in the ant hill.

I think he realized then why humans are at the top of the foodchain. He somersaulted and cartwheeled all around that ant hill as them fire ants bit plugs out his ass. Within a minute he was motionless and was slowly being drug into a dungeon of ants to be consumed and forgotten by the world.

Nature realized that day that fearless teenagers are a force to be reckoned with. .

The moral of the story is that when you are given a chance to escape the clutches of death, dont allow pride and entitlement to send you to an early grave

 

[BlackBall]

 

[///Vega+++]

their footwork is unreal