BlackManLiveFromLondon
New God
TLDR - Have a girlfriend that is a known drinker, go to a party with her, leave without her and find out that she kissed another man at the party (who got caught by his girlfriend) 
then find out a day later that shes been cheating since at least July 2013 brehs
To create a somewhat similar analogy this is like when Gohan fought Cell he knew Cell was straight scum but he didn't wanna fight the nikka cause he knew that If he was forced to show his true power shyt would get real
http://www.reddit.com/r/INTP/comments/2kledm/learned_my_estj_spouse_has_been_cheating_on_me/
I thought about leaving the title as is, but realized I would likely be asked to provide some context. So here it is. Don't feel obligated to read it before commenting. I've added a TLDR.
We've been together for nearly 11 years now. I've been raising her 14 year old daughter as my own since then, and we have a 7 year old son. We're not married. Both of our names are on the mortgage.
She uses drinking as social lubricant, and is often going out. I have always trusted her, as she has trusted me and to quote her "Don't ever humiliate me by cheating on me, just break up with me first". She was sincere in that too, so I foolishly believed she meant it too.
I don't go out as often as she does (re: never), and have never had an issue with staying home with the kids while she does this. I've been commended on it, and thought it made me a good partner. She has other friends whose BFs don't give them the freedom I give my GF.
This past Saturday we went to a Halloween party. At the last minute I didn't want to go, but she expressed some disappointment and suggested it would be a terrible sign of our relationship if I didn't go, so I did it. Hung to the sides, sat mostly. Talked to a few people.
Anyway, at one point in the night some younger guy (she's always liked young guys) shows up, and, as she was very drunk and probably unable to keep herself in check, she lit up like a Christmas tree and made her way over to see him and hugged him.
It was at this point I decided I would leave (had been a couple of hours, quite a personal feat if I do say so) which was fine and to be expected by the people there who knew me. I didn't suspect she would cheat. I knew she was a flirt, I just didn't want to be around that and be at a party I didn't want to be at in the first place.
I'll spare the details, but the next day I find out from her in the morning that she left the party under duress because she had been caught in the bathroom with this guy, and they may have kissed, as per some texts she was getting from the host. She wasn't sure, as when she drinks she often gets 'blackout drunk'.
I immediately told her to text this other guy and ask him what happened.
A few hours later, after she went to breakfast with a friend, she came back and when I asked if he responded, she said he confirmed there was a kiss. I began to worry, and one of my first thoughts was "What are the chances that the first time she gets caught is the first time she has done this?"
I didn't quite know how to react, so I didn't. I've been deferring that. She was feeling quite shameful and pathetic, asked me to comfort her and spend time with her, so I obliged (in body, not in mind). We watched a movie with the family that night, and while stressful, things seemed to end on as positive a note as they could have.
Bit more context... prior to this event, for the last few years really, her and I had been having 'problems'. It was caused by a female friend of mine from work. Her and I shared many interests and over a year she grew to become one of my best friends. My gf persisted and was convinced I was in love with her, etc etc, which I denied. When pressured I had admitted I found her attractive (which she used to further her argument).
Eventually, months later over this pestering and defense, there came a day that I realized "whoa, maybe i do have feelings for this girl". The next day, while driving her home from work, I told her that I had this revelation, and was very sorry, but we couldn't be friends anymore.
Immediately after this, I went to see my gf and I told her I had done this, that I realized "i was in love" with this girl. This event I believe was responsible for a huge divide between us. After a bit of time, I came to realize that it wasn't really love for this other girl, but really at the base perhaps just great friendship and attraction. She didn't buy that I didn't love her, and ignored my clarification. To this day I have not contacted this girl. I've thought about her, and miss her, but only as a friend. I haven't had many.
So that was a prelude to this event... or so I thought.
The next day (Monday) her friend messaged me, and asked me how I was doing. Not really having a best friend to talk to about it, I opened up and started telling her how I felt and thought. At one point she asked me how I'd react if this wasn't the first time or if it happened again, and I said something along the lines of "if it happens again there is a big problem. I don't think it would have happened in the past, I believe if she wanted to cheat on me she would have just broken up me the past".
Apparently this made it clear to the friend I was a huge fool and had been had, and I began to get comments that suggested it was not the first time. It wasn't easy, as this is a good friend of the GF too, but I convinced them to relay all the details they had. Anything in the past.
I don't want to go into details, because it makes me sick to think about, but needless to say she has been cheating on me for, at the very least, over a year (July '13).
After learning this I confronted the GF, explaining my reasoning that it likely wasn't the first time she did it and got caught, and made her look me in the face when she responded. She swears she hasn't. She has downplayed the event on Sat as "a brief kiss" though she doesn't know I know they were making out and interrupted by the dude's GF and who knows how far it would have gone...
End of the day, I love my family more than anything. They are almost all I have. The thought of me breaking up with her because of this, when I feel like it would be giving her what she wants without her having to do the dirty work, sickens me. I can't bare the thought of not having my kids with me. I don't want to live alone. She would no doubt get the house and the kids, and I would be forced to get some crap place and live alone. That does not seem fair or right.
I've thought about simply "taking her back" and forgiving and simply pretending to be okay, and secretly making plans for my new life without her, and breaking things off then. I really like this plan, but it could take years before it would be ready.
I don't think I could relate to much advice regarding this, but I suspect the objective advice of fellow INTPs (and any non-INTPs that seem to like us and can offer insight) would be worth considering. Thanks.
TLDR: GF was caught cheating on party this Sat, said it was a brief kiss. I've learned it was much more, could have turned into much more.. and that since at least July '13 she has been full on cheating on me.
hes willing to put up with living with the bytch just for the kids that sacrifice
then find out a day later that shes been cheating since at least July 2013 brehs To create a somewhat similar analogy this is like when Gohan fought Cell he knew Cell was straight scum but he didn't wanna fight the nikka cause he knew that If he was forced to show his true power shyt would get real
http://www.reddit.com/r/INTP/comments/2kledm/learned_my_estj_spouse_has_been_cheating_on_me/
I thought about leaving the title as is, but realized I would likely be asked to provide some context. So here it is. Don't feel obligated to read it before commenting. I've added a TLDR.
We've been together for nearly 11 years now. I've been raising her 14 year old daughter as my own since then, and we have a 7 year old son. We're not married. Both of our names are on the mortgage.
She uses drinking as social lubricant, and is often going out. I have always trusted her, as she has trusted me and to quote her "Don't ever humiliate me by cheating on me, just break up with me first". She was sincere in that too, so I foolishly believed she meant it too.
I don't go out as often as she does (re: never), and have never had an issue with staying home with the kids while she does this. I've been commended on it, and thought it made me a good partner. She has other friends whose BFs don't give them the freedom I give my GF.
This past Saturday we went to a Halloween party. At the last minute I didn't want to go, but she expressed some disappointment and suggested it would be a terrible sign of our relationship if I didn't go, so I did it. Hung to the sides, sat mostly. Talked to a few people.
Anyway, at one point in the night some younger guy (she's always liked young guys) shows up, and, as she was very drunk and probably unable to keep herself in check, she lit up like a Christmas tree and made her way over to see him and hugged him.
It was at this point I decided I would leave (had been a couple of hours, quite a personal feat if I do say so) which was fine and to be expected by the people there who knew me. I didn't suspect she would cheat. I knew she was a flirt, I just didn't want to be around that and be at a party I didn't want to be at in the first place.
I'll spare the details, but the next day I find out from her in the morning that she left the party under duress because she had been caught in the bathroom with this guy, and they may have kissed, as per some texts she was getting from the host. She wasn't sure, as when she drinks she often gets 'blackout drunk'.
I immediately told her to text this other guy and ask him what happened.
A few hours later, after she went to breakfast with a friend, she came back and when I asked if he responded, she said he confirmed there was a kiss. I began to worry, and one of my first thoughts was "What are the chances that the first time she gets caught is the first time she has done this?"
I didn't quite know how to react, so I didn't. I've been deferring that. She was feeling quite shameful and pathetic, asked me to comfort her and spend time with her, so I obliged (in body, not in mind). We watched a movie with the family that night, and while stressful, things seemed to end on as positive a note as they could have.
Bit more context... prior to this event, for the last few years really, her and I had been having 'problems'. It was caused by a female friend of mine from work. Her and I shared many interests and over a year she grew to become one of my best friends. My gf persisted and was convinced I was in love with her, etc etc, which I denied. When pressured I had admitted I found her attractive (which she used to further her argument).
Eventually, months later over this pestering and defense, there came a day that I realized "whoa, maybe i do have feelings for this girl". The next day, while driving her home from work, I told her that I had this revelation, and was very sorry, but we couldn't be friends anymore.
Immediately after this, I went to see my gf and I told her I had done this, that I realized "i was in love" with this girl. This event I believe was responsible for a huge divide between us. After a bit of time, I came to realize that it wasn't really love for this other girl, but really at the base perhaps just great friendship and attraction. She didn't buy that I didn't love her, and ignored my clarification. To this day I have not contacted this girl. I've thought about her, and miss her, but only as a friend. I haven't had many.
So that was a prelude to this event... or so I thought.
The next day (Monday) her friend messaged me, and asked me how I was doing. Not really having a best friend to talk to about it, I opened up and started telling her how I felt and thought. At one point she asked me how I'd react if this wasn't the first time or if it happened again, and I said something along the lines of "if it happens again there is a big problem. I don't think it would have happened in the past, I believe if she wanted to cheat on me she would have just broken up me the past".
Apparently this made it clear to the friend I was a huge fool and had been had, and I began to get comments that suggested it was not the first time. It wasn't easy, as this is a good friend of the GF too, but I convinced them to relay all the details they had. Anything in the past.
I don't want to go into details, because it makes me sick to think about, but needless to say she has been cheating on me for, at the very least, over a year (July '13).
After learning this I confronted the GF, explaining my reasoning that it likely wasn't the first time she did it and got caught, and made her look me in the face when she responded. She swears she hasn't. She has downplayed the event on Sat as "a brief kiss" though she doesn't know I know they were making out and interrupted by the dude's GF and who knows how far it would have gone...
End of the day, I love my family more than anything. They are almost all I have. The thought of me breaking up with her because of this, when I feel like it would be giving her what she wants without her having to do the dirty work, sickens me. I can't bare the thought of not having my kids with me. I don't want to live alone. She would no doubt get the house and the kids, and I would be forced to get some crap place and live alone. That does not seem fair or right.
I've thought about simply "taking her back" and forgiving and simply pretending to be okay, and secretly making plans for my new life without her, and breaking things off then. I really like this plan, but it could take years before it would be ready.
I don't think I could relate to much advice regarding this, but I suspect the objective advice of fellow INTPs (and any non-INTPs that seem to like us and can offer insight) would be worth considering. Thanks.
TLDR: GF was caught cheating on party this Sat, said it was a brief kiss. I've learned it was much more, could have turned into much more.. and that since at least July '13 she has been full on cheating on me.
hes willing to put up with living with the bytch just for the kids that sacrifice
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wtf why are people so weak. just fukking leave. 
