Hi everybody, I am new here and created an account at the recommendation of a redditor. I plan to read from the Healing Library as soon as my world stops spinning so hard.
Been married to my wife for almost 10 years. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Life together felt fantastic up until the birth of our children, at which point we both began to fail in nurturing our relationship. It took a long time, but it went downhill.
This year was rough. We fell out in December/January 2017 and didn't talk much for a while. Lots of periods of fighting and distance throughout the year. I was hurt by things that she did, and she was hurt by me. We had sex a few times and tried to go on a few dates with each other but something just felt wrong.
In June, I found out that she had gone back on birth control after being off of it for a while (for hormonal reasons). She tried a new form. Red flags went off and I tried to delicately press for whether she was having an affair. I couldn't produce any evidence and she vehemently denied it.
In July, I finally broke under the weight of being unhappy. I wrote her a long letter and said I felt like our lives were unraveling and I asked whether she wanted to join me in trying to keep things together. Her response was to tell me that she didn't love me anymore and didn't know if she wanted to be married. A long, long laundry list of all her problems with me and our relationship was shared. I wasn't interested in the same things as her, I was too negative, etc.
I did what I do, and I set about trying to right the ship. I began seeing a therapist. I read books. I listened to books. I tried to find myself and be the change in our relationship that was needed, in spite of the fact that I was deeply wounded myself. But things worsened with her, and she was often cruel and hostile to me. I felt like she was disgusted by my presence.
I asked about an affair multiple times, and she denied. I looked at her phone and never found anything. Finally, on Thursday, I took a peek at her apple watch. Her messages had synced there since July and she never realized.
Oh boy, I found so much. She had been having an affair with somebody from work. He lived in a different state but they worked on the same team. They traveled to the same locations and would have sex in a hotel. They'd regularly take breaks during the day to call/sext/video chat with each other. She sent him pictures of herself masturbating. Talked about how she fantasized about him, thought about him and his....it was all very graphic. Very graphic. I forced myself to read them all to pull back the curtain and make sure I knew everything about this affair that I could.
I called my dad to come get the kids and then I confronted her. She lied and lied. Then she tried to justify how I pushed her to do this, how our relationship left her unhappy and "on the verge of committing suicide." I forced her to tell me the truth...at least a version of the truth. They had sex at least 8 times. Unprotected sex. She'd been texting him naked pictures of herself while I was home or while she was home with the kids. She'd go see him when he was in town at his hotel while I was at home with the kids. He'd go to her hotel room when she'd travel.
This hurts so, so much. She would never do any of the things that she did for him, for me. I had asked. It makes me feel so small.
I took pictures of every single text on that watch. I couldn't find a way to get them off. She deleted everything else, so that's all I have for proof although I know they talked via other mediums and for much longer.
Turns out this other guy is married with kids and his wife has already tried to divorce him and take the kids. She begged and pleaded with me not to ruin his life (SERIOUSLY!?!?!). I told her he had a few days to do the right thing and tell his wife, or I'd do it for him. I might do it anyways.
I kicked her out on thursday night and have the kids with me. I told her I don't want her here, but I can't legally keep her out and she's coming home on Sunday to see the kids. I spoke with a few lawyers on Friday and I'll speak to a few more this week. I'm also going to call my therapist for an emergency appointment and then try and get in to be tested for STDs.
I'm so panicked. Everything about my world is shattered. I just don't understand how this is reality, how this is happening to me. I'm so afraid, and so sad for my poor little children. How is this fair to them? How could this happen?
I'm so scared to be alone forever. I'm scared to have to be a parent to the kids on my own. To try and sell the house and figure out divorce. I'm crushed by somebody I thought I loved. I feel so inadequate.
I don't know what to do. I surrounded myself yesterday with my support network, family and friends. I have good people in my life and they mean the world to me. Today I'm alone with the kids at home again and trying to figure out how I'm going to carry on. I could never take my own life since I need to be here for my kids, but boy do I think about it and want to right now.
GMb
Been married to my wife for almost 10 years. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Life together felt fantastic up until the birth of our children, at which point we both began to fail in nurturing our relationship. It took a long time, but it went downhill.
This year was rough. We fell out in December/January 2017 and didn't talk much for a while. Lots of periods of fighting and distance throughout the year. I was hurt by things that she did, and she was hurt by me. We had sex a few times and tried to go on a few dates with each other but something just felt wrong.
In June, I found out that she had gone back on birth control after being off of it for a while (for hormonal reasons). She tried a new form. Red flags went off and I tried to delicately press for whether she was having an affair. I couldn't produce any evidence and she vehemently denied it.
In July, I finally broke under the weight of being unhappy. I wrote her a long letter and said I felt like our lives were unraveling and I asked whether she wanted to join me in trying to keep things together. Her response was to tell me that she didn't love me anymore and didn't know if she wanted to be married. A long, long laundry list of all her problems with me and our relationship was shared. I wasn't interested in the same things as her, I was too negative, etc.
I did what I do, and I set about trying to right the ship. I began seeing a therapist. I read books. I listened to books. I tried to find myself and be the change in our relationship that was needed, in spite of the fact that I was deeply wounded myself. But things worsened with her, and she was often cruel and hostile to me. I felt like she was disgusted by my presence.
I asked about an affair multiple times, and she denied. I looked at her phone and never found anything. Finally, on Thursday, I took a peek at her apple watch. Her messages had synced there since July and she never realized.
Oh boy, I found so much. She had been having an affair with somebody from work. He lived in a different state but they worked on the same team. They traveled to the same locations and would have sex in a hotel. They'd regularly take breaks during the day to call/sext/video chat with each other. She sent him pictures of herself masturbating. Talked about how she fantasized about him, thought about him and his....it was all very graphic. Very graphic. I forced myself to read them all to pull back the curtain and make sure I knew everything about this affair that I could.
I called my dad to come get the kids and then I confronted her. She lied and lied. Then she tried to justify how I pushed her to do this, how our relationship left her unhappy and "on the verge of committing suicide." I forced her to tell me the truth...at least a version of the truth. They had sex at least 8 times. Unprotected sex. She'd been texting him naked pictures of herself while I was home or while she was home with the kids. She'd go see him when he was in town at his hotel while I was at home with the kids. He'd go to her hotel room when she'd travel.
This hurts so, so much. She would never do any of the things that she did for him, for me. I had asked. It makes me feel so small.
I took pictures of every single text on that watch. I couldn't find a way to get them off. She deleted everything else, so that's all I have for proof although I know they talked via other mediums and for much longer.
Turns out this other guy is married with kids and his wife has already tried to divorce him and take the kids. She begged and pleaded with me not to ruin his life (SERIOUSLY!?!?!). I told her he had a few days to do the right thing and tell his wife, or I'd do it for him. I might do it anyways.
I kicked her out on thursday night and have the kids with me. I told her I don't want her here, but I can't legally keep her out and she's coming home on Sunday to see the kids. I spoke with a few lawyers on Friday and I'll speak to a few more this week. I'm also going to call my therapist for an emergency appointment and then try and get in to be tested for STDs.
I'm so panicked. Everything about my world is shattered. I just don't understand how this is reality, how this is happening to me. I'm so afraid, and so sad for my poor little children. How is this fair to them? How could this happen?
I'm so scared to be alone forever. I'm scared to have to be a parent to the kids on my own. To try and sell the house and figure out divorce. I'm crushed by somebody I thought I loved. I feel so inadequate.
I don't know what to do. I surrounded myself yesterday with my support network, family and friends. I have good people in my life and they mean the world to me. Today I'm alone with the kids at home again and trying to figure out how I'm going to carry on. I could never take my own life since I need to be here for my kids, but boy do I think about it and want to right now.
GMb
