America’s leading black intellectual returns with his third book, which also makes him the leading rap book author in the U.S.A by default. This time around, Bol unleashes the fury of the
Mindset Army on one target in particular, while still making time to discuss
The Gin Blossoms, Jay-Z, Nas’ daughter and her enormous box of jimmy hats, Instagram hoo-ers, the continued decline of print media and why
dream hampton is insane. If you’ve read
Infinite Crab Meats, it’s more of the same, basically! Here are a couple of choice morsels:
Why Nas?
“The reason why Nas is so ripe to skewer is because he has the ability to make the best rap music possible, and he just doesn’t, ever.”
On
Jay-Z vs. Nas:
“I’d argue that “Ether” is still the better dis song, despite the fact that its production is terrible, and so are its rhymes, because it’s hilariously childish, and that’s what rap music, at its very best, should strive to be. I’m sure the Internets would agree.”
On Nas’ first baby mother’s book:
“I remember the main excerpt that was sent out had to do with Nas, after he’d murdered her vagine one day, getting up from bed stark naked to go fetch her a glass of orange juice. I found it disgusting on so many levels, from the mental picture of a buck naked Nas in a doorway with a glass of OJ to the fact that she would reveal such an intimate detail about their relationships.”
On why Nas married
Kelis:
“Just because you’re famous yourself doesn’t mean there still isn’t a certain thrill in making sweet, passionate love to a famous person. Imagine being able to flip through cable channels and be like, “Yeah, I hit that,” the way
Scott Baio can flip through old issues of
Playboy from the late ’80s.”
On celebrity tax problems:
“[Mike] Tyson recently explained on an episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel that any money he receives these days, and for well into the future, goes straight to the IRS. They’ve got him on tour doing a one man minstrel show, quoting fromShakespeare like Jake LaMotta at the end of Raging Bull. Same physique and everything. That’s entertainment!
Throw in an ultra-scientific analysis of every Nas album ever released, an explanation of how Combat Jack got his nom d’plume and a thorough examination of the The Source’s record rating system, and you have a fine tome that edumicates as much as is it elicits laffs. My only concern is that Bol continues to champion light beer for some ungodly reason, despite it clearly being the biggest waste of time since post-internets record (and book) reviews. We Rap Internets don’t deserve a book this great, but Byron Crawford wrote it for us anyways. Bless you, Bol. May you forever keep your eye on the tiger, as it were. Nullus.
