New York dietitian, 27, hangs herself after posting suicide note; 'I'm really sorry mama'

[Sad Bunny]

Redirect Notice


Tara Condell, MS, RDN

I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking. I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired.

I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper. I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction. I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart). However, all these facets seem trivial to me. It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it. I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life. No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?

I’m going to miss doing NYT crosswords (I was getting really good). That one charcuterie board with taleggio AND ‘nduja. Anything Sichuan ma la, but that goes without saying. A perfect plate of carbonara (no cream!). Real true authentic street tacos. Cal-Italian cuisine. Hunan Bistro’s fried rice. The pork belly and grape mini from State Bird Provisions circa 2013. Popeye’s of course. Bambas too.

I’m also going to miss unexpected hugs. Al Green’s Simply Beautiful. Cherries in July. Tracing a sleeping eyebrow. Smoking cigarettes. The Golden Gate Bridge at sunset. That first sip of iced cold brew in sticky August. Making eye contact with people walking down the street. When songs feel like they’re speaking to your soul. Jeopardy. Saying I love you. Late night junk food binges. Shooting the shyt. And especially the no-destination-in-sight long walks.

No GoFundMes, no funeral, no tributes, no doing-too-much please. All I ask now is for you to have one delicious (I mean a really really great) meal in my honor and let me go, no exceptions.

It’s selfishly time for me to be happy and I know you can get down with that. Please try to remember me as a whole human you shared memories with and not just my final act. This is not your fault. It’s not exactly easy for me either, I’m here for you. I love you. I always have and I always will, I promise. Shikata ga’nai.

I’m coming home, Dad. Make some room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up.

I’m really sorry mama.

Always, TLC

 

[I AM WE ARE]

depression is real
feel for the family

 

[eastsideTT]

at first when i heard this i was like "ehh...just another story"

but when I read her letter and got to the parts where she was talking about life's simple pleasures and how she'll miss them , I was like

i cant judge her, but its crazy that even writing out all of those simple pleasures...sitting down and really thinking about everything good about life...she still went through with it. I feel bad for her Mom...her Dad died on them as well. the mom's gotta be going through it. from the letter you can tell the girl was in her own head and had a high level of self awareness. maintaining and getting through regular shyt is very tough for people like that, even if they're functional on the outside looking in

 

[mamba]

That’s sad. I hope she finally got the peace she sought.

 

[Sad Bunny]

depression is real
feel for the family

It's very real.

at first when i heard this i was like "ehh...just another story"

but when I read her letter and got to the parts where she was talking about life's simple pleasures and how she'll miss them , I was like

i cant judge her, but its crazy that even writing out all of those simple pleasures...sitting down and really thinking about everything good about life...she still went through with it. I feel bad for her Mom...her Dad died on them as well. the mom's gotta be going through it

It's sad cause I often feel like she felt.

This line in her suicide note hits home "I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life."

But, as you said, listing all those simple pleasures is enough for me to realize I couldn't take my own life no matter how hard it gets.

 

[Stir Fry]

Pic of the author

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

I have VERY MIXED feelings about this. I'll just keep them to myself. At least she understood and was self aware.

 

[ezrathegreat]

May God rest her soul.

 

[Black Nate Grey]

I don't know.
How are you just going to leave your mama alone like that. She'll suffer. As long as you still have someone who loves you unconditionally (your mother), I would hope most people would push through, especially when all they have are first world problems. Not even financial struggles smh.

This aint it. I can't relate to her at all, but RIP regardless.

 

[Basil of Baker Street]

I have VERY MIXED feelings about this. I'll just keep them to myself. At least she understood and was self aware.

I urge that you don't . Please share, breh.

 

[Dominic Decoco]

Pic of the author

Great show

 

[2stainz]

hmm..something aint right here :quitlying: ... maybe I been watching too much of that Ted Bundy doc and the show YOU


anyways, RIP to her

 

[goatmane]

life is about taking Ls and bouncing back

as long as you breathing, you got a chance to turn things around

 

[Luck]

They need to just make the shyt legal and let mfs go to clinics and off themselves like in that old movie soylent green. Donate themselves to science or somethin.

The world is what it is, it’s not that complicated and if that isn’t enough to make you feel like you want to feel then why waste the space and resources...

I swear to god with most “depressed” and/or miserable people I encounter it’s them that’s the issue, nothing else so nothing else would be able to solve it but them. That could be said with most personal issues in life tho, health, mental, financial or whatever...obviously some holes are deeper to dig yourself out of than others but it’s all about how people go about the shyt.

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

I urge that you don't . Please share, breh.

She seemed to have killed herself because she was bored with her admittedly decent to good life and tasked her loved ones with the impossible "please don't mourn me" request despite that being against all human nature. Trust me, I've been on the edge more times than I can count. I not only battle depression but a myriad of other ailments as well plus external issues dealing with finances and family. Still, I cling to this mortal coil and do my best. If I could enjoy those little things she enjoyed (some were not so little) I'd be quite happy, or at least content. But, that's just me.

I can't judge her but I shall say her mom is now living a much worse life than her daughter was when she ended her own. fukked up but that's life and death.