Nikki Bella opens up about being sexually assaulted twice when younger

Vic Damone. Jr

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*long read


Nikki Bella is opening up about her painful past.

In her new memoir, Incomparable — co-written with twin sister Brie — the Total Bellas star, 36, shares the grueling details of her sexual assaults, why she felt ashamed to share her truth, how she learned to let go, and how she plans to empower others.

At 15 years old, Nikki was raped by a fellow high school student she "thought was a friend," she said in the book. Then, at 16, she was raped again after being drugged by a college-age man.

"There is the horrible offense in the moment, and then the shame and blame that follow and feel almost worse than the original pain," she wrote in the book. "When something like this happens to you, you understand the blame-the-victim mentality, how easy it is to feel shame rather than anger, how easy it is to feel like you could have stopped it yourself."

Speaking with PEOPLE in this week's issue, the mom-to-be explains why she held on to that blame for all these years — and the rippling effect it had on her life, her relationships and her future.

"When that happened to me, I immediately just felt so ashamed and blamed myself, and that's what made me want to keep it such a secret," she says. "And keeping that a secret and blaming myself, I started to lose my confidence. I started to disrespect myself. And then the relationships I got into at a young age, I let other people disrespect me and felt like, that's okay, this is what I deserved."

"I was like that for a really long time," she admits. "I would go to therapy on and off. Looking at it now I'm like, 'Oh Nicole, I wish you just would've let go at a young age. So much would have changed for you.' And I think that's what made me really want to tell these stories finally."

Now, Nikki says she's eager to share her truth in hopes of helping others who have been in similar situations.

"When the #MeToo movement happened, I was just like, 'Oh my gosh,'" she recalls. "I feel like, if I'm having these younger women look up to me, maybe I can help them and have them not hold onto this as long as I did. It wasn't until I was 28 and in a relationship where someone started to teach me how to respect myself. That's how long I held on to things and felt I had no boundaries. And I'd always look at Brie like, 'Oh, she has boundaries, she treats herself with such respect. How do I not have this?' And I knew why. But I held onto it for so long. When I look back at just decisions I made based off of it, I wish I could have heard my words now as a 36-year-old woman then, and be like, 'You're going to be okay.'"

The new memoir gives a readers a glimpse at what life was like for the Bellas growing up. From loss and abuse to addiction struggles and relationship woes, the WWE Hall Of Fame inductees share how they overcame adversity and eventually found purpose.

"I hope whoever reads the book will throw on whatever imaginary cape they dream of and say, ‘I’m the hero of my own story and will conquer whatever I want to do!' " Nikki says.

Nikki Bella Reveals She Was Raped Twice as a Teenager in Shocking New Memoir: ‘I Blamed Myself’
:picard: Dark
 

R=G

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I just don't trust anything about this woman...everytime she's about to disappear...something else pops up conveniently. Sad in any form though.
 

R=G

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Doubt she'd make up some shyt like this to sell books, she has too much to lose.
Lose? No. I see sympathy and more headlines if anything. If its calculated, which with Nikki Bella is as easy as breathing, there is no one to check facts or anything of the sort. If its true, very sad. But since its her..miss dying for attention? Who knows.
 

DosCadenaz

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Lol...I've outsmarted everybody...good luck with that dream.
Doesn't matter what you say on here. It's not gonna make your real life better. If you came to my hometown we would fukk you up, too. I live with that knowledge. That's why I like to remind you how bytch you are.
 

R=G

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Doesn't matter what you say on here. It's not gonna make your real life better. If you came to my hometown we would fukk you up, too. I live with that knowledge. That's why I like to remind you how bytch you are.
My real life is ideal..i make easy money and its all flexible really. Everyone is out there crowded with each other like animals before this mess and even now at all these spots...me? Nope. Instacart for groceries, Amazon, and just enjoy the free money the govt keeps gathering for a crisis they can't control.

If I was in your hometown, your entire lifestyle would never be the same. I would make you run like everybody else. Its nothing. No fukking geek on the coli who tries to act white can tell me a motherf1cking thing. Ever.
 

Brad Piff

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People are surprised by this? She’s literally the walking example of someone who has been sexually abused. Overly flirtatious, always showing off her body, the plastic surgery, the need to buy expensive things to make herself feel better, no father figure in the household, etc.
 

Alexander The Great

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People are surprised by this? She’s literally the walking example of someone who has been sexually abused. Overly flirtatious, always showing off her body, the plastic surgery, the need to buy expensive things to make herself feel better, no father figure in the household, etc.
You’re an idiot. There is no “walking example” moron. Get a clue and actually talk to women. YOU might actually be “surprised”
 
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