Try being an asian guy and meeting a black woman's family for the first time...
... on thanksgiving.
*rewinds back to November 2011*
I should have put it off for another date, but her mom was very insistant on meeting a vigga. But i knew she had 3 brothers (one of which was pretty damn hood - the boo even mentioned him saying, "How he get up in them guts? What he workin wiff?" Thank god that's not for an issue for me, or she prolly wouldn't have been with me in the first place, fukked up i know).
Her parents are actually divorced so i had to make appearances at TWO houses. Yeah. Ain't no amount of years posting on sohh and having all the black friends in the world (and being in the culture for so long even thinking i'm a brotha some days) was enough to prepare me for what i was about to encounter.
When i picked up homeslice, i was getting nervous as fukk. But i didn't want to start drinking to calm my nerves cuz alcohol has a tendency to make me sweat, and i turn red too! So that wouldn't have left a good impression on her family.
But like a miniature snickers bar... i'ma keep this short and sweet.
Long story short; both her mom's side AND dad's side was cool as fukk. One of her uncles even whipped out his *pause* box of cuban cigars (she's half, black/cuban) and had me smoke with him in the garage.
Everyone was type cordial, treated me as if i was one of their own. Great feeling. Her aunts, from the east coast (one from DC, the other Florida) were real funny too! They were prolly in their late 30's/somewhere 40's still talking about upgrading salons and staining their decks and who's daughter was gonna grow up cuter.
One of her cousins was dating a white dude and this guy was like... a real life Jason Siegel he just kept smiling and you could tell he was forcing his jokes cuz he felt uncomfortable as a mothafukka! And The funny thing is that her cousin (she was still in college at the time) from my understanding, went to my girls dad's house later with ANOTHER DUDE! (I don't judge. There was no trial goings owns.)
If there were any trivialities i did encounter was her niece. Chick was prolly in middle school. Gave me the worst attitude ever. Don't think she said hi to me once. You could just tell that she was still very green and, well... she'll come out of that shell. Made me feel type uncomfortable when we were at the dinner table and she held her fork with both hands, pointing towards the ceiling. She prolly wanted to murk me for being the odd man in - being different and she dunt appreciate the inclusion of someone so culturally out of her normal fare (my guess, or upset that i sat on her dinner outfit that was leaning on the lay-z-boy - but the shiit looked like it was a part of the seat, it blended in perfect cuz of the colors and i didn't initially notice. Oops).
Shiit was like a Chris Brown thanksgiving movie starring Kevin Hart as the goofy cousin, an americanized Eldris Alba playing the dad who works as an electrician who's on the brink of getting terminated due to downsizing, Meagon Good as a deceitful femme fatale who cuts her own hair in the dark, Kanye West as the painter/graphic artist from San Fran with a astute level Neopolitan complex and... Oprah as herself (she's there to decorate the tree with books).
We broke up last May. Which is a damn shame, cuz that was some of the best food i've ever had (candied yams, mash potatoes made from scratch, glazed turkey tender to a tee and mac and cheese so cheesey, it gives my jokes a run for its money).
When i go home, and we eat thankforgiving dinner with my fam, it just doesn't have the same feel.
Almost as if its missing something.
Ahhh. I see what it is. This ingredient can't be purchased.
Cuz you can't buy SOUL.
Umph.
.
that's how it was for me when we lived in Miami
