Please Don't Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes

[Doobie Doo]

Please Don't Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes

Just think about where your clothes have been.

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By Susan Shain
FEB 20, 2017

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  327.2k

"Take off your pants," I command.

When I say this, my date inevitably gives me a look from somewhere at the crossroads of bewilderment and excitement. To quell that second emotion, I've learned to quickly clarify my request with a follow-up statement: "I'm not going to sleep with you, but you can't sit on my bed in your street clothes."

And that, also inevitably, is followed by a conversation about my particular proclivity. Which is that only clean things are allowed to touch my bed. No suitcases or purses; they've been on countless floors and other suspect surfaces. Not even me when I'm dirty; I'm the weird roomie who showers when she gets home from the bar.


And definitely no other polluted people or their polluted clothing.

I'm always surprised when my request confuses my guests. I mean, why would you legitimatelyallow street clothes in your bed?

I explain it like this: "Just think about where your clothes have been: on a subway seat, a city bench, a bar stool. Now think about who else has been on those seats, benches and stools. Would you invite them into your bed? I didn't think so. Well, then what makes their sweat or cooties or bodily particles any different?"

Despite what you might think, I don't have fears about getting a specific virus or fleas or anything, but I don't discount it either. I just can't stomach the idea of running the risk of my bed being filled with something dirty or potentially dangerous.

One time, my girlfriends got to see just how serious I was about this rule.

We were in Nashville. Two friends and I had stayed out a little later than everyone else, and in an attempt to keep quiet when we returned, one friend went into the bedroom to grab all of our pajamas.

Much to my chagrin, she returned with the leggings I'd worn on the plane. Plane clothes are the worst offenders. I can't imagine how many bodies and dirty travel clothes were pressed into those cushion seats.

My face must have said it all because my friend quickly asked me what was wrong.

"Those are street leggings," I said, with disgust.

The ridiculousness of my answer — and maybe the million vodka sodas we'd just imbibed — sent us into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Which woke up the rest of the girls and forced me to explain my comment to everyone.

They weren't too stoked to have their slumber interrupted over the hygienic condition of my PJs, but I don't think they mind the fact they get to mock me about it to this day.

And waking them up did have an added perk: It meant I could enter the bedroom, grab my unsullied indoor leggings, and fall asleep without fear of the many people who'd sat in that airplane seat before me.

I think my fear of a dirty bed stems from the fact that I've seen things in the street I would never want touching my bed. Or perhaps it's because my mother is Japanese, and in our culture, people bathe before bed — not only to relax, but also to keep your bed clean. Or perhaps it's because I've lived in several studios, where my bed's been my only piece of furniture.

At its basest, though, the fear is because my bed is my sanctuary. I want to cuddle up in my sheets knowing they only contain the germs of me and the people I've invited into it. So, at least in my active imagination, I run the risk of my bed declining into a center of dirt and putrefaction if I let anything dirty touch my sheets or my outer cover.

Now that you've read this, I've probably ruined you forever. #SorryNotSorry.

When I explain my views to my friends, it's like a light bulb clicks on. Many of them start forbidding street clothes from their beds too. I've probably converted more than a dozen people over the years. (You're welcome, BTW.)

As for the guys who come home with me? They generally don't complain either.

Please Don't Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes

 

[Goodbye World]

Not coming off if we not fukking

 

[Big Brown Areola]

But the same cacs will let the dog play on their bed.

 

[Black Steph Curry]

live life like double d, brehs...




























Double D voice:"ThOsE aRe StReEt LeGgInGs!!"

 

[Formerly Black Trash]

I saw this on divorce Court

 

[Doobie Doo]

But the same cacs will let the dog play on their bed.

I'll play with her on her bed

 

[dora_da_destroyer]

Um, this is my rule. No shoes on in the house and don't sit on beds with your outside clothes.

 

[Rockstar Mom]

She doesn’t have a living room?

Also this my rule too. That was the rule in my house growing up. No wearing outside shoes in the house. Don’t wear outside clothes on the bed. Don’t put your purse or book bag on the bed. I live by that and so do my kids

I don’t let random people in my house anyway. Only people who come in are my best friends. And they take their pants off even if they don’t go in my room. That’s just how we lounge around the house(if the kids aren’t home).

 

[75 Others]

dude lost if she coming in street clothes to come sit on his bed

 

[Doobie Doo]

This must be a female thing cuz I never cared about no shyt like this but it does give you a reason to get a female naked.

 

[Big Brown Areola]

And they take their pants off even if they don’t go in my room.

 

[Rockstar Mom]

This must be a female thing cuz I never cared about no shyt like this but it does give you a reason to get a female naked.

You’ll sit on some park bench that a bum was probably sleeping on and then come and sit on your bed?

We don’t even actually get under the covers until after we’ve bathed. We chill in our house clothes on top of the sheets.

 

[smokeurobinson]

This must be a female thing cuz I never cared about no shyt like this but it does give you a reason to get a female naked.

I live in NYC where people use transportation like buses and trains. Bums and people who dont wipe their asses sit on those public transportation chairs so if u coming from a train or bus i dont want u sitting on my bed.

 

[Doobie Doo]

I live in NYC where people use transportation like buses and trains. Bums and people who dont wipe their asses sit on those public transportation chairs so if u coming from a train or bus i dont want u sitting on my bed.

I'm the South so most of my peeps didn't rock public transpo

 

[dora_da_destroyer]

This must be a female thing cuz I never cared about no shyt like this but it does give you a reason to get a female naked.

i'd assume if a female is going into your bedroom, she's going to be naked/getting naked. this doesn't give you more of a reason to get her naked unless you're studio gang and only have a bed.