Question about Grief: “That’s What They Would’ve Wanted”

[Motife43]

I was thinking about my dad today and realizing how I never really grieved his death.

It brought up a thought about how we memorialize people and how we hear something along the lines “I gotta keep going, that’s what they would’ve wanted”

I KNOW 1000% my dad would be like “man take your ass to work, don’t worry about me” lol. And I did that back in 2023. I found out he passed on a Wednesday night and went to work on Thursday like a normal day

Maybe that’s a part of grieving or just deflection.

But have you yourself said or ever heard anybody say, “I need to sit down and take a break, that’s what they would’ve wanted”?

 

[Dad]

you have to give yourself grace

i took time off when my father died and i wished a nikka wouldve questioned me about it.

 

[Kumi]

Out of respect for my loved one, I'd take a break from the everyday "hustle and bustle". Whether it's to be with family, or just to sit with it for a little. I feel like that's what MY loved one would wanted, an acknowledgement of their passing, and that my life in one way or another will forever be changed. That's not to say one should wallow in it or even take that time immediately, because some people need time for the reality of it all to set in.

Sorry for your loss, Brother.

 

[Motife43]

I lived in his house for a few weeks and have been the administrator of his estate for 2 yrs. So it’s been go from day 1 due to the nature of his death (car accident) and resulting civil and criminal litigation

So maybe the process has been my way of grieving.

Appreciate yall contributing to the thread
@Dad @Kumi
Reps all around

 

[get these nets]

Did you attend the wake/funeral?

If so, you lent comfort to your Mom, siblings, and relatives while they grieved. Just your presence alone.
And depending on how you're wired, you mourned him that day, and in different ways since then.
But, while everybody is crying, somebody has to handle business, and you seem to be the designated take charge family member.

Dont beat yourself up.