Self-Love, California, and The Broken Black Family (A Diary Megathread)...

[murksiderock]

I envision myself revisiting this thread going forward, but my aim is in publicly brainstorming how to rebuild something that was given to me broken: the Black American Family...

And to continually value, nurture, and love something that wasn't expressly taught: myself...

I've been back in Sacramento for a little over a day, and have had an amazing time. I'm rooted here. I started here. And I haven't felt this way in many years, but I have a sense that my life's journey could end here, and it's an amazing feeling. It's not imminent, I don't think I'm coming back anytime soon, but I have a sense that at some point, 5 years, 10 years, who knows---->I'm supposed to come back here...

 

[murksiderock]

California continues to decline in its black population, but our influence is all over this fukking culture here. You can see our influence on non-black people, on the city, and Black California's impact on the United States at large is gigantic...

But I've gone thru old areas and see new areas and you watch how many of us are still struggling, and it's starts with something I've become more and more aware of with time------>how many of us come from broken homes...

I have a combined 12 siblings. My mom has 7 kids, of which I'm the second oldest. Of her 7 children, there are 6 different fathers. I'm the oldest of my dad's 7 children, with 5 different women. And therein illustrates where we are born into trauma, and my own life has shown me that trauma doesn't heal itself and unhealed trauma begets more trauma...

So I've known much of the histories of my siblings for awhile, but being around some of them again reexamines how similar our stories are:

•my older brother, born 1988, a couple mild mental disorders, never had our mom, was shuffled city-to-city, state to state in adolescence, has lived at home with his dad and stepmother his entire adult life since he graduated university;

•me, born 1989, never knew mom, never knew my dad, shuffled around in adolescence, gravitated to criminal lifestyles for about 13 years, 3 children with two different women;

•brother, born 1990, currently 7 years into a 20-year sentence, never knew mom, 3 sons with 3 different women, lived a criminal lifestyle from a young age;

•sister, born 1992, shuffled around city to city, knew both parents but grew up with grandparents because parents couldn't get right. Cut off family about 8 years ago, shuns her blackness (her mother is Hispanic and this sister looks stereotypically Hispanic), married white man + 2 kids. Never met this sister, and she has no communication with anyone in her family except her mom's mother;

•brother, born 1993, never knew father, bounced around the city because mom was in and out, has never been to prison but is a raging alcoholic with a list of felonies (just none serious enough to send him to prison), doesn't respect women, can't get right, always losing jobs and places to stay;

•brother, born 1994, only barely knew mom, currently estranged from dad, lifetime fukkup. Lived with grandparents almost entire adult life, can't take care of himself, a few minor county stints, never keeps a job, never has any money, raging junkie and alcoholic, possible mental health issues;

•brother, born 1996, same parents as Sister #1 above, mental health disorders, junkie, did a few years in prison, has 2 sons with 2 different women and he isn't in either child's lives, lives in a "home" for fukkups, immature;

•sister, born 1996, never knew dad, had a brother murdered at young age, watched her mom cycle thru man after man after man, estranged from her only living brother on her mom's side;

•brother, born 1998, came out as gay at 15, transitioned at 18-19 and is now identified as my Trans sister. Never knew mom, very up and down relationship with her dad;

•sister, born 1999, dad was in and out, married to a white man, pregnant with his child;

•sister, born 2003, same parents as the sister right above this one, except she was put up for adoption so she never knew her mom or our dad, was raised by an Asian man;

•sister, born 2009, I've never met, never knew our mom, no contact with anyone on this side;

•sister, born 2011, never knew dad, mom died 3 years ago, bounced around state to state in foster care, currently living with mom's family, never met her...

You look at these stories and then you realize the trees that all these apples fell from...

 

[Hacksaw Jim Thuggin]

unfortunately breh your story isnt that unique....

too many of us come from similar backgrounds.....

im curious how this thread will go....will it be positive or will the usual suspects derail it?

 

[Ol’Otis]

California continues to decline in its black population

I hope for a reversal
But I think this is the last hurrah for Black People in Cali

 

[Ty Daniels]

Repairing the Black Family(On an Individual Basis) has to become a "Conscious" decision.

1. Date and "Vet" a suitable Black Woman (if you are a Man), or a Black Man (if you are a Woman). THEN GET MARRIED!
2. Treat your Spouse with Respect and Dignity.
3. Work on group finances.
4. PLAN for a family (make sure steps 1-3 are FIRST).
5. Treat your Children with Respect and Dignity.
6. TEACH your Children about Respect and Dignity, and the VALUE of Blackness, and Family (also Lead By Example).
7. KEEP Nosey, Jealous Azz HATING MF's out of your Marriage.
8. Have FUN and Cherish your Family.
9. Fellowship with other Black Couples with similar goals.
10. NEVER Forsake your Family.
11. Rinse and Repeat!

 

[murksiderock]

My biological father has been imprisoned since '18, it's his second prison run. Due out in '27 at the earliest. His mom, my grandmother, was 15 years old when she had him in '69 (she turned 16 that October). His dad is gone now but was allegedly a lifetime junkie...

Ran the streets, had these 7 kids by 5 women. Never maintained consistent employment, has 7 children he was never consistently in the lives of. Not one. Some of us had him here and there but not a single one of us had him consistently growing up. He's estranged from his only brother and dad's family...

My mom, her mom was 16 when she was born in '66 (she turned 17 that October). Her dad was in and out of her life, her mom was abusive abd had a parade of men marching thru that I guess she got rightly. Was never consistently in any of her 7 kids' lives, not one...

Among my siblings parents, we have another absentee, junkie mother and an absentee father...

So then, if this is the backdrop we are all born into, how do you reverse course? How do you change your destiny?

Because all of us grew up with exposure to abuse, homelessness, fear, loneliness, and much less than ideal family structure...

So you're born into this reality. This flimsy concept of "family", and you're born into this ocean of secrets and lies that you are told to protect. You learn how to survive and thrive with what was presented to you, and I'll tell you this----->bad habits you learn young are hard as fukk to break. Hard as fukk...

It was hard to distance myself from the streets. It was sobering to acknowledge that I didn't really love myself. I was taught abusive tendencies and tactics, both physically and emotionally, and I grew up carrying these things into my own relationships and inflicted more hurt and damage...

It was hard acknowledging a lack of respect for authority, and recognizing the people I loved the most, I trusted the most, abused that trust and hardened me...

When I think of old black shows like Family Matters or Cosby or many others, those were the kinds of families I wanted but didn't have. I knew those families existed. So then how do I change that for my own children, for my own family? How do I become the Rodney, tge father and the man I want to be for my girls, and my insular community, that I had missing for me?

 

[Roger king]

The first issue is a household where both parents or guardians are actively involved and helping to raise the child as well

 

[GR13]

California continues to decline in its black population, but our influence is all over this fukking culture here. You can see our influence on non-black people, on the city, and Black California's impact on the United States at large is gigantic...

But I've gone thru old areas and see new areas and you watch how many of us are still struggling, and it's starts with something I've become more and more aware of with time------>how many of us come from broken homes...

I have a combined 12 siblings. My mom has 7 kids, of which I'm the second oldest. Of her 7 children, there are 6 different fathers. I'm the oldest of my dad's 7 children, with 5 different women. And therein illustrates where we are born into trauma, and my own life has shown me that trauma doesn't heal itself and unhealed trauma begets more trauma...

So I've known much of the histories of my siblings for awhile, but being around some of them again reexamines how similar our stories are:

•my older brother, born 1988, a couple mild mental disorders, never had our mom, was shuffled city-to-city, state to state in adolescence, has lived at home with his dad and stepmother his entire adult life since he graduated university;

•me, born 1989, never knew mom, never knew my dad, shuffled around in adolescence, gravitated to criminal lifestyles for about 13 years, 3 children with two different women;

•brother, born 1990, currently 7 years into a 20-year sentence, never knew mom, 3 sons with 3 different women, lived a criminal lifestyle from a young age;

•sister, born 1992, shuffled around city to city, knew both parents but grew up with grandparents because parents couldn't get right. Cut off family about 8 years ago, shuns her blackness (her mother is Hispanic and this sister looks stereotypically Hispanic), married white man + 2 kids. Never met this sister, and she has no communication with anyone in her family except her mom's mother;

•brother, born 1993, never knew father, bounced around the city because mom was in and out, has never been to prison but is a raging alcoholic with a list of felonies (just none serious enough to send him to prison), doesn't respect women, can't get right, always losing jobs and places to stay;

•brother, born 1994, only barely knew mom, currently estranged from dad, lifetime fukkup. Lived with grandparents almost entire adult life, can't take care of himself, a few minor county stints, never keeps a job, never has any money, raging junkie and alcoholic, possible mental health issues;

•brother, born 1996, same parents as Sister #1 above, mental health disorders, junkie, did a few years in prison, has 2 sons with 2 different women and he isn't in either child's lives, lives in a "home" for fukkups, immature;

•sister, born 1996, never knew dad, had a brother murdered at young age, watched her mom cycle thru man after man after man, estranged from her only living brother on her mom's side;

•brother, born 1998, came out as gay at 15, transitioned at 18-19 and is now identified as my Trans sister. Never knew mom, very up and down relationship with her dad;

•sister, born 1999, dad was in and out, married to a white man, pregnant with his child;

•sister, born 2003, same parents as the sister right above this one, except she was put up for adoption so she never knew her mom or our dad, was raised by an Asian man;

•sister, born 2009, I've never met, never knew our mom, no contact with anyone on this side;

•sister, born 2011, never knew dad, mom died 3 years ago, bounced around state to state in foster care, currently living with mom's family, never met her...

You look at these stories and then you realize the trees that all these apples fell from...

 

[Ty Daniels]

My biological father has been imprisoned since '18, it's his second prison run. Due out in '27 at the earliest. His mom, my grandmother, was 15 years old when she had him in '69 (she turned 16 that October). His dad is gone now but was allegedly a lifetime junkie...

Ran the streets, had these 7 kids by 5 women. Never maintained consistent employment, has 7 children he was never consistently in the lives of. Not one. Some of us had him here and there but not a single one of us had him consistently growing up. He's estranged from his only brother and dad's family...

My mom, her mom was 16 when she was born in '66 (she turned 17 that October). Her dad was in and out of her life, her mom was abusive abd had a parade of men marching thru that I guess she got rightly. Was never consistently in any of her 7 kids' lives, not one...

Among my siblings parents, we have another absentee, junkie mother and an absentee father...

So then, if this is the backdrop we are all born into, how do you reverse course? How do you change your destiny?

Because all of us grew up with exposure to abuse, homelessness, fear, loneliness, and much less than ideal family structure...

So you're born into this reality. This flimsy concept of "family", and you're born into this ocean of secrets and lies that you are told to protect. You learn how to survive and thrive with what was presented to you, and I'll tell you this----->bad habits you learn young are hard as fukk to break. Hard as fukk...

It was hard to distance myself from the streets. It was sobering to acknowledge that I didn't really love myself. I was taught abusive tendencies and tactics, both physically and emotionally, and I grew up carrying these things into my own relationships and inflicted more hurt and damage...

It was hard acknowledging a lack of respect for authority, and recognizing the people I loved the most, I trusted the most, abused that trust and hardened me...

When I think of old black shows like Family Matters or Cosby or many others, those were the kinds of families I wanted but didn't have. I knew those families existed. So then how do I change that for my own children, for my own family? How do I become the Rodney, tge father and the man I want to be for my girls, and my insular community, that I had missing for me?

Breh,

You'll have to decide that regardless of what circumstances/cards you were dealt, that YOU have the ability to change your future outcome(s).

One of the best Fathers I know, is a Breh who had bad "circumstances" growing up, he made an effort to "Not Do" the shyt that his "Parents" did to him.

Like I stated above, it has to be a "Conscious" decision/choice.

The "Story" of your life is not finished being written, you can "Take the Pen" and "Write your own chapters"!

 

[murksiderock]

I hope for a reversal
But I think this is the last hurrah for Black People in Cali

I sure hope not. Part of me can't accept that. We're too instrumental in how this land was developed...

 

[murksiderock]

Breh,

You'll have to decide that regardless of what circumstances/cards you were dealt, that YOU have to ability to change your future outcome(s).

One of the best Fathers I know, is a Breh who had bad "circumstances" growing up, he made an effort to "Not Do" the shyt that his "Parents" did to him.

Like I stated above, it has to be a "Conscious" decision/choice.

The "Story" of your life is not finished being written, you can "Take the Pen" and "Write your own chapters"!

I want to be clear, I am and have been rewriting my own story fir several years...

I recognize the responsibility I have to my own daughters and to the woman I'll eventually find who brings me peace and happiness and I provide that to her in turn as well...

But bro, it took me a long time to get there, probably around 30-31. Started off with this shaky ass slate. And for most of my life dysfunction was natural to me. It's hard to break the web of dysfunction...

Many were raised like me and mine for sure, but many weren't, and I think more than anything, I wish there were more examples around of those families who weren't. I have one example of the kind of family I want anywhere around me---->my stepmom's sister. Who didn't pass down the trauma she was given...

That's the goal for me, rebuilding my black family, reclaiming my ownership of it, killing the generational curses that have plagued my family for generations on both sides. I'm better than that, I want better than that, my girls deserve better than that...

 

[Ty Daniels]

I want to be clear, I am and have been rewriting my own story fir several years...

I recognize the responsibility I have to my own daughters and to the woman I'll eventually find who brings me peace and happiness and I provide that to her in turn as well...

But bro, it took me a long time to get there, probably around 30-31. Started off with this shaky ass slate. And for most of my life dysfunction was natural to me. It's hard to break the web of dysfunction...

Many were raised like me and mine for sure, but many weren't, and I think more than anything, I wish there were more examples around of those families who weren't. I have one example of the kind of family I want anywhere around me---->my stepmom's sister. Who didn't pass down the trauma she was given...

That's the goal for me, rebuilding my black family, reclaiming my ownership of it, killing the generational curses that have plagued my family for generations on both sides. I'm better than that, I want better than that, my girls deserve better than that...

Props to you Breh!

Keep pushing.

 

[Ol’Otis]

The state went from a high of 7.7% Black in 1980 to 5.5% Black in 2018, Census data shows, even as it added 15 million residents who were mostly Latino, Asian or multi-racial. Nearly 75,000 Black Californians left the state in 2018, according to a CalMatters analysis of federal estimates, compared to 48,000 Black people who moved in. The three most popular states for Black ex-Californians were Nevada, Texas and Georgia, reflecting both a national reversal of last century’s Great Migration and movement to emerging middle class hubs for Black homeownership, education and entrepreneurship.



I’m staying but I need to find a community

 

[UberEatsDriver]

If Asians Hispanics and whites can increase their numbers then so can blacks.

it’s all about mindset

 

[Formerly Black Trash]

I hope for a reversal
But I think this is the last hurrah for Black People in Cali

There's no way unless housing prices fall

I had an argument with my uncle, and he said NYC and Cali were always expensive

They may have been more expensive than the rest of the country, but the fact that they had majority populations shows they were affordable at one point in time