Usual story, parents divorced, lingering resentment etc. I'm 30 and will be meeting him for virtually the first time, he was a rolling stone. We've talked on the phone throughout the years but never in person. I pretty much have an idea of what I plan to ask but was wondering if any of you have been in a similar situation. I bare no ill will towards the guy, I just see him as another family member; how can you be angry at something you never had? Any suggestions on questions or stories of absent parents? What were their reasons for staying away?
So i'm meeting my dad today...
- Thread starter egsteel
- Start date
Cabbage Patch
The Media scene in V is for Vendetta is the clue
Lot of ways to be angry. Especially if they left the custodial parent in a lurch.
If you don't give a damn, means you had a substitute who was your real father figure, your moms had support, and the sperm donor's absence was irrelevant.
Nothing to ask them.
If you don't give a damn, means you had a substitute who was your real father figure, your moms had support, and the sperm donor's absence was irrelevant.
Nothing to ask them.
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Just treat him like any other stranger. Let him prove himself trustworthy. Give yourself time to get to know him. He has to earn that title "Dad."
Be straight up with him. Go with an open mind there's two sides for every stoet
Knuckles Red
<3<3<3
Allow yourself to be totally open. I mean completely open. To the point were you can let anything he tells you (or isn't willing to tell you) roll off of your back. Remember this is your chance to get clarity. Try not to be judgement because what has happened, happened. Ultimately use him as an example of what NOT to be when/if you do have kids. Good luck!
Good advice guys, I'm definitely trying to be open and not betray any sort of bias. But it's sort of hard to defend not seeing your only son when you lived in the same state for years. My main focus is to learn the history of the other side of my family, the side whose name I rightfully carry. My whole life I've been going to family reunions that didn't have my last name. That's really gotten to me recently.
agnosticlady
AL loves da kids : )
Very true....My half sister had to learn from our father that he never abandoned her and wanted full custody, but her mother was the crazy one.
Hope it turns out well for you.
I've been in more or less the same situation as you for most of my life. I knew my dad growing up, but never really spent time with him, so I never really knew him or even felt comfortable with calling him my dad. My parents kept arguing amongst themselves basically at my expense, and with enough time the distance between my father and I never recovered.
He eventually did come back into contact with me recently, and I was cautious at first.
I was a bit standoffish, but not in a cold manner, rather I just stuck to listening to my dad and what he had to say. Eventually, I just started calling him pops and checking up on him more often, and you could tell it lifted a lot of his guilt off his mind, which I felt good about.
I'm fortunate that I was able to so easily forgive, and I hope that's the case for you. If you can, get the answers you want from your dad, you deserve them, and if he's trying to really make up for that lost time, don't go too hard on em either man, cause its killer having to be the one that makes your dad feel like he's fallen short. Again, only if you feel like he deserve as much tho, cause if he does, you're going to feel good when you extend your love and support out to him
Good luck breh.
I've been in more or less the same situation as you for most of my life. I knew my dad growing up, but never really spent time with him, so I never really knew him or even felt comfortable with calling him my dad. My parents kept arguing amongst themselves basically at my expense, and with enough time the distance between my father and I never recovered.
He eventually did come back into contact with me recently, and I was cautious at first.
I was a bit standoffish, but not in a cold manner, rather I just stuck to listening to my dad and what he had to say. Eventually, I just started calling him pops and checking up on him more often, and you could tell it lifted a lot of his guilt off his mind, which I felt good about.I'm fortunate that I was able to so easily forgive, and I hope that's the case for you. If you can, get the answers you want from your dad, you deserve them, and if he's trying to really make up for that lost time, don't go too hard on em either man, cause its killer having to be the one that makes your dad feel like he's fallen short. Again, only if you feel like he deserve as much tho, cause if he does, you're going to feel good when you extend your love and support out to him
Good luck breh.
ask him what his favorite nas album is?
roxxthe96er
Emcee
How'd you set this up? You just gon ambush him at work or what? Did he just hit you up outta the blue? My homies dad did that an it was cause he had cancer, so I'd start by asking if he has cancer.
roxxthe96er
Emcee
It's Street's Disciple that has Bridging the Gap... So...
nah im gucci....if a that nikka didn't wanna be in my life as a kid then I don't wanna know him now 
nikka you just a stranger...I passed on that
nikka you just a stranger...I passed on that
ive been in a simmilar situationand i wouldnt/ didnt want any whys or how comes. Whats done is done and truthfully can you think of any valid reason or excuses he could give you? Even if we pretend your mom was an evil cow and just wouldnt "let" him be involved with you, youve been an adult for over a decade so what stopped him then?
I would get all the family info you can, hopefully establish some contact with your other side of the family so you can build on all of that/ fill in the blanks he wasnt able to answer for you. Maybe ask him if he does have any fun or important memories to share with you from when he actually was present in your life.
youre just going to sit down and talk with another grown man that you just happen to be genetically linked to.
Good luck OP. I hope that it turns out well for you. I do think its a good thing for you to do.
