I didn't grow up in church, but I've tried Jehovah Witness, Catholicism, and Buddhism in my adult life. But the only one I felt didn't judge was Buddhism, but I was not receptive to the community. Sometimes I feel bad the community banned me twice. I could have thrived there.
But right now I'm attempting to take a simpler, spiritual method. Good Orderly Direction keeps me clean, out of jail or psych ward. But I'm realizing I wish harm on people, and do struggle not lashing out. I'm doing great at keeping my hands to myself. When I find out people who hurt me end up in the hospitalized for serious health issues, or they relapse on drugs and suffer; I'm slightly satisfied. It's like "good for them". From what I'm hearing, that's not right.
I was told God's grace is powerful, and can forgive any mistake. I was told I'll be okay if I follow his will. I don't believe God can help me in certain situations, in those cases, he's just not available. I am doing okay for now, but I still feel a place of worship would help even more. The christian music I listen to helps me a lot.
Seeking a therapist and medication adjustment so I can let go of this garbage and move forward. Not satisfied with falling short a often a I do. i have to learn to navigate through these chemical imbalances, my denial of beign gay, and my limitations. I know strengths and weaknesses already.
But right now I'm attempting to take a simpler, spiritual method. Good Orderly Direction keeps me clean, out of jail or psych ward. But I'm realizing I wish harm on people, and do struggle not lashing out. I'm doing great at keeping my hands to myself. When I find out people who hurt me end up in the hospitalized for serious health issues, or they relapse on drugs and suffer; I'm slightly satisfied. It's like "good for them". From what I'm hearing, that's not right.
I was told God's grace is powerful, and can forgive any mistake. I was told I'll be okay if I follow his will. I don't believe God can help me in certain situations, in those cases, he's just not available. I am doing okay for now, but I still feel a place of worship would help even more. The christian music I listen to helps me a lot.
Seeking a therapist and medication adjustment so I can let go of this garbage and move forward. Not satisfied with falling short a often a I do. i have to learn to navigate through these chemical imbalances, my denial of beign gay, and my limitations. I know strengths and weaknesses already.
