Sunday discussion: Anybody mind talking about why fathers are never in the picture?

[Rockstar Mom]

Indeed.

But I feel like theres too many dudes getting took eventhough they would be willing to takecare of there kids. Ive just never understood how a judge can see a fit man, in tears begging to be a part of his children's life and then still reduce him to bi weekly visits and child support. Especially in the case where the women is unfit. The system is fukked man. Or I guess I just hear only of the horror stories and I'm exaggerating.

Yea, you're just hearing exaggerations. True, there are SOME men that are being shytted on. But majority are on CS cuz they ain't shyt, and wouldn't take care of their kid if they weren't

It's a DNA test for a reason, RM. What kind of man wants to take care of another mans kids?! I'm sure there are an unknown amount of suckers men out here taking care of a child that they believe is their own. Furthermore, not every man is about to take care of his own child if he doesn't want to be tied down. That all comes down to choosing a good mate aka, who you allow between your legs.

What does DNA have to do with anything?

If you're on CS, paternity is already established. I don't know where u are, but in NY dna test is mandatory, before support is given.

And your last statement is why theres child support. If u dont feel like taking care of your seed, maybe you shouldn't feel like running in p*ssy raw.

 

[Black Magisterialness]

Like, really tho. I grew up with both parents and I can't understand why the dad is never in the picture within the black community. Watching news reports, it's always the mom speaking on behalf of the family, like EVERY TIME! I rarely see the father in the picture. Even athletes and many famous black people lack a father in almost every instance. Why is this?! I know it's bad now but when I see a dude like 28 or older without parents, I really can't comprehend that b/c I was under the assumption that it was something that is going on currently and started in the 90's. But when I see people like lebron james, ray lewis, etc talking about fathers being absent, I understand that this issue is deeper than I thought. Take 10 of your friends (any).........how many of them have fathers?! I'm not saying post the # but think about it. Because when I think of 10 of my friends with both parents vs 10 with a single mom, the parented folks are doing MUCH better. Even the divorced parents. But what I'm more concerned about it is children growing up not knowing or having very little contact with their fathers. Why does our culture allow this?!

Good post, and a good question. I mean my parents are divorced and my dad was still in my life. Thing is i think that the issue is two fold.

1. The social landscape is stacked against young black fathers. Incarceration rates are exponentially higher for black men, they have less social mobility and on average make less money. Many men feel like they can't support a child and thus resolve to just never see the child. Its a kind of reverse shame from what i see. It doesn't make it right but it really is saddening that many men in today's world would rather do well alone, and let their children suffer.

2. The "independent woman" myth ether'd the hood. I call it a myth because NO ONE can properly raise a child alone, and EVERY child should have both mother and father around, death should be the only exception. Too many women are seeing the women around them do it alone and they think that they don't need the father around to help with the baby. I have seen it personally females GO HAM on the baby daddy, just cuz he wanted to see the child and not her. Or just sometimes ostracize from the family unit because he just simply isnt the man she wanted a child with. Its disgusting.