The "Black women have limited options to pick from" narrative

[mamba]

Can bw compare bm to non black men? @mamba

What i will concede with non black women is they are not ashamed to expect a man to have a solid foundation snd can take care of a family before they entertain him. But at the same time, they have more options to pick from than bw.

This is one narrative that needs to put to rest.

In comparing non-Black women to Black women vis-a-vis dating/marriage success, the argument that rears its head quite often is BW have fewer options to pick from.

The implication being Black women are actively out here aggressively pursuing and choosing men! No. Black women are entertaining the men who happen to approach them. When most of those options happen to be bums, Black women try to paint all Black men as poor options.

The difference between non-Black women and Black women is that a lot of non-Black women are aggressive in their pursuit of the men they want. They don't just sit back and hope that he falls in their laps.

Black women take a passive approach to dating and hope for success. A lot of non-Black women (especially cacs and some Latinas) take a more proactive approach to get what they want.

There are quality Black men all around. If you aren't getting the type of man you think you deserve, it's probably because you aren't putting in the work to get him or to get him to notice you.

 

[Elle]

I don't believe a woman should have to chase a man to get him to notice you, plus it throws the balance of the relationship off.

I have been trying my hand at online dating and I have notice how men don't even try anymore. They will send you a flirt or a message and then sit back and wait for you to keep the conversation going.

The information age has just made men lazy.

 

[Yup]

This is one narrative that needs to put to rest.

In comparing non-Black women to Black women vis-a-vis dating/marriage success, the argument that rears its head quite often is BW have fewer options to pick from.

The implication being Black women are actively out here aggressively pursuing and choosing men! No. Black women are entertaining the men who happen to approach them. When most of those options happen to be bums, Black women try to paint all Black men as poor options.

The difference between non-Black women and Black women is that a lot of non-Black women are aggressive in their pursuit of the men they want. They don't just sit back and hope that he falls in their laps.

Black women take a passive approach to dating and hope for success. A lot of non-Black women (especially cacs and some Latinas) take a more proactive approach to get what they want.

There are quality Black men all around. If you aren't getting the type of man you think you deserve, it's probably because you aren't putting in the work to get him or to get him to notice you.

So you are insinuating that non black women and black women deal with the same hand. Is that a fair assessment to be making?

 

[Blackout]

Responding to the topic title Ive seen too much normal black men get rejected for just being average looking and not good looking or popular for me to believe that narrative of black women having limited options to pick from.

Any lady who says that need to think back on the various men they rejected in the past.

 

[mamba]

I don't believe a woman should have to chase a man to get him to notice you, plus it throws the balance of the relationship off.

I have been trying my hand at online dating and I have notice how men don't even try anymore. They will send you a flirt or a message and then sit back and wait for you to keep the conversation going.

The information age has just made men lazy.

They are just taking the path of least resistance.

Most women are giving it up without much resistance these days.

A man is only going to put in the effort a woman requires.

The women's empowerment/sexual revolution has been a blessing in disguise for most men.

 

[YeLovesBoston]

edit

 

[YeLovesBoston]

I don't believe a woman should have to chase a man to get him to notice you, plus it throws the balance of the relationship off.

I have been trying my hand at online dating and I have notice how men don't even try anymore. They will send you a flirt or a message and then sit back and wait for you to keep the conversation going.

The information age has just made men lazy.

looks like we've identified your problems

 

[mamba]

So you are insinuating that non black women and black women deal with the same hand. Is that a fair assessment to be making?

They don't deal with the same hand.

But, to suggest that Black women's and non-Black women's approach to dating is the same is no accurate.

Most Black women passively date and then complain about it after the fact.

A lot of non-Black women are more proactive when it comes to dating.

 

[Elle]

looks like we've identified your problems

And what are they?

 

[QuintessentialBM]

The usual suspects are present as well...

 

[Elle]

They are just taking the path of least resistance.

Most women are giving it up without much resistance these days.

A man is only going to put in the effort a woman requires.

The women's empowerment/sexual revolution has been a blessing in disguise for most men.

I don't know about "most women" but there are some. Its funny because in another thread men were crying abut women wanting to much wining and dining and not giving it up. lol

 

[Aceofspades404]

 

[mamba]

The information age has just made men lazy.

The information age has also made women lazy. They equate "likes" on social media to their value in the dating market.

When that doesn't translate offline, they get confused.

Value in the dating market goes beyond looks. A man may approach based on looks, but what gets him to stick around goes beyond that.

A lot of women in this current age aren't developing the traits to keep a man.

 

[YeLovesBoston]

And what are they?

you don't believe women should make thr occasional chase. Yes, traditionally men should be the pursuers. But you have to be aggressive in finding what you want. Don't be the girl just sitting around at a bar waiting for a douche to hit on her.

Also, online dating? sistah, please.

 

[mamba]

I don't know about "most women" but there are some. Its funny because in another thread men were crying abut women wanting to much wining and dining and not giving it up. lol

Yeah. nikkas are going to complain because it would mean they would have to put in work.

Most men don't mind putting in work to get something of value.

What most men will not do is put in work to get something that other men have gotten or are currently getting for free. That's a universal principle all humans can relate to. We don't want to pay for something others are getting for free or at a reduced cost. We feel like we've been cheated in that situation.

Most men are against wining and dining in this current age because they know a lot of women are juggling dudes and are giving it up or have given it up for far less. Doing the "Netflix and chill" with one nikka and then expecting another to take you out for a nice meal and drinks to get the same thing is sending the wrong signal. Most men don't want to be the sucker in the latter situation.

Can you imagine standing in line for hours for the iphone 6s and paying $$$, only to have Apple give it away for free two weeks later? How would you feel in that situation?