--Posted originally on relationship_advice, but this probably requires a more legal point of view--
I think I'd like to separate from my wife, and I'm trying to figure out the logistics of it. I'm not going to bother with the "why" (that's another story..), I'm just looking for the "how". Here's some info that will help.
-We're married 5 years. No kids. 2 pets. No prenup. I'm 36, she's 31. We're both Canadian.
-We own an apartment together, both names on the mortgage and deed/title (?).
-We have our finances mainly separated. Our own private accounts for day to day, and a shared account for paying bills.
-She's currently in school getting a degree, 8 months left. She has student loans of maybe $20,000 when she's done her degree. She had a lot of her own money saved up for when she was in school, but it's mostly gone and she's working limited part-time.
-I pay for almost everything, except her schooling. 80% of the mortgage, all of the utility bills (phone, power, internet, strata, etc), and all the food that we eat together whether it's eating out or dinner in. She helps a little with yearly property taxes and home insurance, and takes care of her own small grocery and personal items. I basically wanted to take as much off her financial plate as possible so she could focus on school.
We've both talked about separation recently, our marriage is having issues. It wouldn't be a surprise to her, she just doesn't think I'd follow through. I'd like to follow through though, since I'm afraid she's only staying with me at this point because of the money and comfort. She'd have significantly less money and not be able to afford the lifestyle she's used to should we separate. We're also in an open marriage, and she is seeing another man. So, she gets the lifestyle and financial freedom she wants, plus she gets to be in new, fulfilling, sex-filled relationships. Not really many incentives for her to leave me. Though, she's said she's not really into me anymore and doesn't know how much she wants to try and fix that.
So, I want to take my dignity and personal happiness into account and separate from her. I just don't know where to begin.
-Who has to leave the house we both own? I don't really want to move out, since I'd have to pay 80% of our mortgage and the rent on my own place. I don't have that much money. She can't afford the mortgage herself, and even paying rent somewhere would be tight since she's in school. Is it fair for me to stay in the house, pay 100% of the mortgage, and ask her to move out? I recognize she still owns the apartment too and when it's sold, she'd be entitled to 50% of the equity after sale. I wouldn't deny that.
-Do we even have to sell the apartment? I might be able to buy her out, but just not all at once. Or we can make an agreement that we'll visit the topic of selling again in 5 years or whatever. Meanwhile, she's still building equity while paying absolutely nothing into the mortgage. Sounds like a good deal to me...
-Am I responsible for paying spousal support during a separation, or only after a divorce? I'm willing to pay her support since I understand us separating puts her into a financial hardship, but I don't want to then have to be ordered to pay all over again once/if we eventually divorce. For instance, I don't want to voluntarily pay spousal support during a separation, to then be ordered by a judge to pay support all over again once a divorce happens. Am I making sense?
Any ideas, guidance, criticism? Appreciate you reading my post, thanks.
TL;DR- Want to separate from my wife. How do we handle shared property and support payments?
.....
he was/is sharing her
I think I'd like to separate from my wife, and I'm trying to figure out the logistics of it. I'm not going to bother with the "why" (that's another story..), I'm just looking for the "how". Here's some info that will help.
-We're married 5 years. No kids. 2 pets. No prenup. I'm 36, she's 31. We're both Canadian.
-We own an apartment together, both names on the mortgage and deed/title (?).
-We have our finances mainly separated. Our own private accounts for day to day, and a shared account for paying bills.
-She's currently in school getting a degree, 8 months left. She has student loans of maybe $20,000 when she's done her degree. She had a lot of her own money saved up for when she was in school, but it's mostly gone and she's working limited part-time.
-I pay for almost everything, except her schooling. 80% of the mortgage, all of the utility bills (phone, power, internet, strata, etc), and all the food that we eat together whether it's eating out or dinner in. She helps a little with yearly property taxes and home insurance, and takes care of her own small grocery and personal items. I basically wanted to take as much off her financial plate as possible so she could focus on school.
We've both talked about separation recently, our marriage is having issues. It wouldn't be a surprise to her, she just doesn't think I'd follow through. I'd like to follow through though, since I'm afraid she's only staying with me at this point because of the money and comfort. She'd have significantly less money and not be able to afford the lifestyle she's used to should we separate. We're also in an open marriage, and she is seeing another man. So, she gets the lifestyle and financial freedom she wants, plus she gets to be in new, fulfilling, sex-filled relationships. Not really many incentives for her to leave me. Though, she's said she's not really into me anymore and doesn't know how much she wants to try and fix that.
So, I want to take my dignity and personal happiness into account and separate from her. I just don't know where to begin.
-Who has to leave the house we both own? I don't really want to move out, since I'd have to pay 80% of our mortgage and the rent on my own place. I don't have that much money. She can't afford the mortgage herself, and even paying rent somewhere would be tight since she's in school. Is it fair for me to stay in the house, pay 100% of the mortgage, and ask her to move out? I recognize she still owns the apartment too and when it's sold, she'd be entitled to 50% of the equity after sale. I wouldn't deny that.
-Do we even have to sell the apartment? I might be able to buy her out, but just not all at once. Or we can make an agreement that we'll visit the topic of selling again in 5 years or whatever. Meanwhile, she's still building equity while paying absolutely nothing into the mortgage. Sounds like a good deal to me...
-Am I responsible for paying spousal support during a separation, or only after a divorce? I'm willing to pay her support since I understand us separating puts her into a financial hardship, but I don't want to then have to be ordered to pay all over again once/if we eventually divorce. For instance, I don't want to voluntarily pay spousal support during a separation, to then be ordered by a judge to pay support all over again once a divorce happens. Am I making sense?
Any ideas, guidance, criticism? Appreciate you reading my post, thanks.
TL;DR- Want to separate from my wife. How do we handle shared property and support payments?
.....
he was/is sharing her
