onelastdeath
Banned
So I'm at my Aunt and Uncle's crib for the weekend. They been married my WHOLE LIFE. The only people I know of that have a strong successful marriage. 20+ years.
And this commercial for this show called "Hindsight" comes on, some show about a woman who gets a "second chance at life". Basically a show about a former thot getting a chance to put her "horrible" life and failed marriages behind her and go out and be a thot again.
Literally That
So it comes on, we all sittin on the couch and this is what happens.
Auntie: That show looks good. I think Ima watch it
Uncle: Wadd it about?
Auntie: A woman who gets to leave all the mistakes she made behind, and get a chance at life again.
Uncle:
You gotchu a good nikka though, so be happy.
Auntie: mmmmmhmmmmmmm
AND THAT "MHM" was all he needed to be set off
Uncle: bytch! whats all this mhm shyt about. whatchu tryna say?
Auntie: Im sayin what Im sayin I said mhm.
Uncle: Like you could do better than me.
Auntie: Not now. but back in my day I could definitely done better then yo roachface ass.
Me:
My Cousin: :blacksnoop:
Uncle: Shut yo uglass up. Titties aint been sittin up since the 80s. Walkin round da goddamn house I hear ya titties hit each step when you walk yo big ass down the steps in the mornin'. Sound like 4 motherfukkas coming down the steps at the same goddamn time
Me:
Ima go upstairs.
Uncle: No you stay. Dont worry about it.
Auntie: Mothafukka yo titties hang lower than mine. I'm a woman, what's yo goddamn excuse? What You breastfeeding yaself at night time you always thirsty diabetic blood motherfukka? Every time I kiss yo ass my blood pressure goes up.
And by this point, Im just staying for the comebacks. It was gettin too good to just leave.
Uncle: Oh you got jokes. You couldn't pay me to touch yo ass. Couldn't PAY ME to touch yo old ass.
Auntie: I'll pay ya black ass not to. Go in my purse. Whatever you find in there, is a down-payment going toward yo black ass NOT touching me. (reaches in purse) HERE. Take it. Just keep away.
Me:
( inside my head 
)
Uncle: I'll take that money. And use it to pay to make ya titties stand tall and proud again. Titties hangin like they ashamed of themselves. Yo titties always lookin like they about to have a bad day every goddamn day
Auntie: They do. Because I'm always sad. I been sad for years.
Uncle: The fukk you got to be sad about bytch?
Auntie: That thumb you call a dikk. Ya goddamn stomach hide ya dikk all the goddamn time. Like ya dikk owe some people money ,and yo stomach is just hidin him. Just hidin (does the a peakaboo thing with her hands and eyes) HIDIN.
Uncle: You go to far. You go too GODDAMN far. Certain shyt shouldnt' be said. Certain shyt you always memba, and Ima memba that :blackfdup:
Auntie: I wish you could go too far, but You don't go far enough. write it down. remember it forever. I couldnt give a fukk. :blackye:
My uncle got up and walked away :blacklaff: I saw them a few hours later all cuddled up on the couch. :blacklaff:
I guess that's what marriages is as you get older. Argue. Makeup. Repeat.
#GMB :blacklaff:
And this commercial for this show called "Hindsight" comes on, some show about a woman who gets a "second chance at life". Basically a show about a former thot getting a chance to put her "horrible" life and failed marriages behind her and go out and be a thot again.
Literally That
So it comes on, we all sittin on the couch and this is what happens.
Auntie: That show looks good. I think Ima watch it
Uncle: Wadd it about?
Auntie: A woman who gets to leave all the mistakes she made behind, and get a chance at life again.
Uncle:
You gotchu a good nikka though, so be happy.Auntie: mmmmmhmmmmmmm
AND THAT "MHM" was all he needed to be set off
Uncle: bytch! whats all this mhm shyt about. whatchu tryna say?
Auntie: Im sayin what Im sayin I said mhm.
Uncle: Like you could do better than me.
Auntie: Not now. but back in my day I could definitely done better then yo roachface ass.
Me:
My Cousin: :blacksnoop:
Uncle: Shut yo uglass up. Titties aint been sittin up since the 80s. Walkin round da goddamn house I hear ya titties hit each step when you walk yo big ass down the steps in the mornin'. Sound like 4 motherfukkas coming down the steps at the same goddamn time
Me:
Uncle: No you stay. Dont worry about it.
Auntie: Mothafukka yo titties hang lower than mine. I'm a woman, what's yo goddamn excuse? What You breastfeeding yaself at night time you always thirsty diabetic blood motherfukka? Every time I kiss yo ass my blood pressure goes up.
Uncle: Oh you got jokes. You couldn't pay me to touch yo ass. Couldn't PAY ME to touch yo old ass.
Auntie: I'll pay ya black ass not to. Go in my purse. Whatever you find in there, is a down-payment going toward yo black ass NOT touching me. (reaches in purse) HERE. Take it. Just keep away.
Me:
( inside my head )
Uncle: I'll take that money. And use it to pay to make ya titties stand tall and proud again. Titties hangin like they ashamed of themselves. Yo titties always lookin like they about to have a bad day every goddamn day
Auntie: They do. Because I'm always sad. I been sad for years.
Uncle: The fukk you got to be sad about bytch?
Auntie: That thumb you call a dikk. Ya goddamn stomach hide ya dikk all the goddamn time. Like ya dikk owe some people money ,and yo stomach is just hidin him. Just hidin (does the a peakaboo thing with her hands and eyes
) HIDIN.
Uncle: You go to far. You go too GODDAMN far. Certain shyt shouldnt' be said. Certain shyt you always memba, and Ima memba that :blackfdup:
Auntie: I wish you could go too far, but You don't go far enough.
write it down. remember it forever. I couldnt give a fukk. :blackye:My uncle got up and walked away :blacklaff: I saw them a few hours later all cuddled up on the couch. :blacklaff:
I guess that's what marriages is as you get older. Argue. Makeup. Repeat.
#GMB :blacklaff:
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that is some funny shyt. My parents arguments went nothing like that though.
