When the last time u had a dooky streak in ya drawers?

[Yung Yogurt]

I seen some shytty ass underwear in the street earlier today and somehow its still on my mind.

Anywho, I had a moment last year when i seen a lil poop residue in my good briefs, I sorta knew it was gonna b a possibility 2 since it was once of them lazy wipe sessions from a late night poop.

 

[Orbital-Fetus]

i went to a music festival in upstate New York a couple of years ago...it was during the heat wave in in 2011. i was drinking beer in the 100 degree heat for days, the nights were not much better.

on the 3rd day i think i got heat stroke...dizzy, hard to see, weak, etc.
i passed out in the shade for about 5 hours. i was drinking water here and there.

last day of the festival i got some pulled pork from a food vendor before i drove home with my girl. munched that shyt down and hit the road back to NYC.

my gut started acting up as we were driving through some bullshyt backwater part of the state...i tried to keep it cool. but then it was very clear that my anus was no longer under my control.

i had to straighten my body while driving...i was standing at a 45 degree angle because if i sat down my booty would explode. that pulled pork did me something terrible.


i'm looking for someplace to poop but the exits are 20 miles apart...no shoulder to pull over and shyt in the woods...my girl is laughing at me...my ass and gut are on some full jihad shyt against me.

finally we get to an exit with a gas station, Burger King.

i'm hyperventilating.


get the the BK bathroom, both stalls are taken...i waddle to the gas station and the cashier tells me the bathroom is for employees only.

back to the BK bathroom...the toilet is so close...i am imagining sitting on the toilet as my ass lets loose a blast of doo-doo.

what do i do?

what can i do?

i loosen my belt and cup my anus with my hand and collect the doo-doo.
dump it in the sink...the sink has the metal shyt in the drain with the small holes so i have to push the doo-doo down with my hands.

after a couple of minutes of catching poop and pushing it down the sink i realize that i have shyt all over my lower back, arm, legs and brain.

i face the toilets and say "hey, i'm sorry to bother you but i really need to use the toilet. don't mean to rush you but this is serious."

no response.


2 minutes later and some dude walks out and gives me the

then he saw my legs below my shorts and gave me the

i ran into the toilet stall, pulled down my shorts and let out whatever was left.

:fukall:

when i was done the toilet seat was covered in shyt that was on my legs...i cleaned it up the best i could.



cleaned myself up the best i could as well.

went back to the car. my girl was on the phone with her mom.

i said "where are the wet wipes"
she still talking to her mom like i didn't say nothing.

"where the fukk are the wet wipes" i said again.

she got the wipes.

i pulled my shorts and underwear off in the parking lot and started cleaning myself off as a busload of people got off 50 feet away.

i was wiping my balls and all that.

my girl starts freaking out telling me to get dressed and what not.

i took off my shirt and was standing there ass naked with nothing but wet wipes and doo-doo and a bus full of people looking at me.

she still on the phone with her mom and had to wrap it up...i told her to get me some fresh cloths.

 

[Batman]

About ten years ago I went on a trip with a buddy to Bangkok. We arrived to see a beautiful paradise rich in culture. Part of this culture includes a sex industry that is unparalleled anywhere else in the world. You can see a girl smoke a cig with her p*ssy and blow smoke rings out. A girl shooting various things out of her p*ssy, including but not limited to ping pong balls, darts that pop balloons and even fire. On any street corner you can find someone of any age or gender willing to do any perverted sex act you can think of. For those who aren't very creative, have no fear, they openly suggest things that will make you think about what the outcome of said perversions would be for years.
When we arrived at our hotel, my friend was quick to point out that there was a body rub parlor in the lobby. I made a mental note to pay it a visit later as I am a sucker for the happy endings.
We get to our room, unpack, shower and have a drink and discuss what the plan of attack will be for the evening. We decide to check out a disco that the guy at the front desk suggested after sampling some of the local cusine.
The evening is going splendidly, we dined on some vegetable/curry/coconut dish and tied on a good one while dancing the night away at the disco. We were unsure about the girls in the club, we had no idea if they were underage or even female, so we played it safe and only flirted.
When we were making our way back to the hotel I asked the cab driver if he knew where we could grab a quick snack to grab and he replies that he does indeed know of such a place. We stop at a roadside stand that looked dodgy at best, but the cabbie says
"you no worry, my cousin make numba one kabab in all Bangkok."
So like the fool we all are when on the sauce I eat a chicken kabab that was so hot it made my life flash before my eyes as I consumed it.
When we arrive at the hotel my friend is pretty much comatose, so I manage in my heavily intoxicated state to wrestle him up to the room and dump him on his bed, careful to make sure he is on his face as I don't want to explain to his family why I let him asphyxiate on his own vomit in Thailand.
Not ready to pack it in and feeling quite frisky, I decide to stumble down to the body rub in the lobby.
When I get there I'm greeted by what can only be described as one of the most exotic beauties I have ever laid eyes on. I mean she was dripping with sex, the very essence of sensuality was dripping from every tight and nubile pore on this lovely little goddess. My new obsession leads me to a backroom where she starts to undress me all the while cooing and moaning softly into my ear. In her lovely sing song voice, she says in broken English,
"Big sexy man lay down, I take care of you. I make you want to love me long time. Come to see Kiki all the time while in Bangkok. I make you feel so horny, I love you big white man."
So I lay down on the table and Kiki starts a very gentle and light fluttery thing with her fingertips. About the same time as she is doing this, I get a faint rumble in my stomach. I ignore it as Kiki is working her magic and I'm loving it.
Time progresses and the rumble in my stomach has now turned into a cramp in my bowels. As my bubble guts continue to churn, Kiki has now switched to a more vigorous and intense style of massage. At this point I'm starting to show some concern. Kiki starts to push on my lower back, and the pressure is too much. I try to let out a slow and controlled squeaker, but to my horror out comes something that can only be described as Satan playing a tuba, with a rancid stench so foul that I only envision a corpse making. At this point I think that my new found friend is forever put off and my happy ending is now something that is left only for me to fantasize about.
To my surprise Kiki says,
"Big man, you very relaxed now, I can see."
All the while continuing with her massage. I feel relieved knowing that I haven't ruined my happy ending and releasing some pressure on my colon. A few minutes pass, and back comes a cramp that would have doubled me over had I not been laying in the prone position. Kiki at this point must have been getting pretty disgusted at the noxious cloud of tear gas I released earlier, as she asks me to turn over. I happily oblige, thinking that I can get my happy ending and then find an appropriate place to empty my now burning bowel. How wrong I was. fukking street corner inferno chicken. Kiki now slowly starts the whole process from the beginning after slowly undressing, making it impossible in my drunken mind to do the right thing and excuse myself politely to use the facilities. I decide to try my luck and hold it in. Things are going quite well for me, to the point where I think I'm sailing free and clear. I couldn't have been more wrong. As Kiki lifts my leg to bend my leg at the knee, the pressure is so intense that I almost shrieked in pain. As my feeble mind is still trying to process what just happened, Kiki once again bends my leg and that's where it all goes wrong. A stream of hot liquid shyt that I can only describle as a frothy brown geyser of filth with an even more unbearable stench of the gas assault that escaped me earlier comes blasting out of my now burning a$$hole, coating the table I'm on, the walls, the floors, myself and even the beautiful Kiki. After the initial shock and realization of what just happened, Kiki now projectile vomits all over me, triggering me to start vomiting as well. The spasms from throwing up is more than my already weakend bowels can handle and I completely empty myself on the once beautiful girl of my dreams who is doubled over and still wretching from the first assault.
I start to apologize profusely between the wretching my stomach is uncontrolably doing in reaction to be covered in shyt and vomit. Kiki, between gasps, points to the door and screams,
"Get out!"
I try and collect my things while slipping in various liquids exepeled from the both of us, falling more than once due to my drunkenness and a slippery tiled floor.
I finally make my escape, leaving the mortified Kiki in my wake, only to be stared at by dozens of people in the lobby as I stumble past, naked as the day I was born, covered in liquid shyt and vomit.
I managed to get to the room, clean myself off and eventually pass out.
The rest of the stay I avoided the body rub parlor like the plague. Nothing is ever said untill the day we checked out. There was a $300 cleaning fee attached to our final bill. Needless to say I had some serious explaining to do as my friend was shocked to see this unwarranted charge. I had neglected to share my story with him as I didn't think he would believe me and out of pure shame.
I will never forget my time in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. Nor will I ever forget the image of one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever laid eyes on standing there covered in feces and vomit, dripping from her hair, spitting it out and looking mortified.

 

[James Carter]

i would rep batman if he wasnt a racisr cac

 

[MustafaSTL]

fukk is up with these long ass posts?

Ain't nobody reading all that shyt.

 

[MR. SNIFLES]

fukk is up with these long ass posts?

Ain't nobody reading all that shyt.

DO IT BREH. IT WAS WORTH IT.

 

[Giselle]

Never

 

[Heafcliffe]

Currently

 

[Kliq_Souf]

I was @ Satan playing the tuba... im done