Treblemaka
President, BYNKRadio.com (Retired)
I'm be 100% honest with you OP.
You have no business pursuing women right now. Your highest priority should be improving yourself. You're overweight, working a basic job, staying with your momma and we are the same age. You have nothing to offer a woman. The only women you're going to attract right now are equally broken people. Women are a distraction from self improvment if you're not already doing the basic adult requirements.
It doesn't sound like you have a marketable skill that you are monetizing, have a proper understanding of exercise and nutrition in action, or are looking to grow as a person.
Women are going to make you feel good but in your current state that's only going to be an opiate to temporarily make you feel better, and that's if you're successful in smashing (which you clearly haven't been)
Here what you need to do:
Step 1 - get a marketable skill. Whether that's a trade or a degree, you need to be able to make more money and get a career so you can improve your life and save for the future.
Step 2 (do concurrently with step 1) - change your eating habits. If you're obese you're eating too much. A decrease in calories and more nutritious foods will help your body. Start taking walks and eventually move into doing calisthenics and body weight movement, it's free and will help you become healthier. You'll sleep better, have better cognitive function, and more energy. This well help your confidence as your body changes. Realign your relationship with food by fasting at least twice a week for 18 hours a day. It will also build your discipline.
Step 3 - Get a mentor. This should be someone that is already where you want to be, but that you add value to. This could be an Uncle, family friend, someone in the community but it should be a black man that has his life together.
Step 4 - Get a therapist. This should happen as soon as possible and there are free options for those that can't afford one but you need to talk to someone while you go through this journey. Everything starts in your mind and learning yourself better will help you with everything else.
You have to want this shxt though. Everyone's advice is a total waste of time if you don't want to be a better man. Our community desperately needs better men. If you want it your actions will reflect it. Who you surround yourself with will reflect it, how you think will reflect it. Sitting on your ass won't get you shxt but regrets.
You aren't going to become a better person overnight and you will stumble but it doesn't matter how small your steps are, if you're moving in the right direction you'll get to where you truly want to be.
If you're a black man in America, then the blood flowing through your veins is that of survivors, leaders, and people who didn't take no for an answer.
Go be great.
You have no business pursuing women right now. Your highest priority should be improving yourself. You're overweight, working a basic job, staying with your momma and we are the same age. You have nothing to offer a woman. The only women you're going to attract right now are equally broken people. Women are a distraction from self improvment if you're not already doing the basic adult requirements.
It doesn't sound like you have a marketable skill that you are monetizing, have a proper understanding of exercise and nutrition in action, or are looking to grow as a person.
Women are going to make you feel good but in your current state that's only going to be an opiate to temporarily make you feel better, and that's if you're successful in smashing (which you clearly haven't been)
Here what you need to do:
Step 1 - get a marketable skill. Whether that's a trade or a degree, you need to be able to make more money and get a career so you can improve your life and save for the future.
Step 2 (do concurrently with step 1) - change your eating habits. If you're obese you're eating too much. A decrease in calories and more nutritious foods will help your body. Start taking walks and eventually move into doing calisthenics and body weight movement, it's free and will help you become healthier. You'll sleep better, have better cognitive function, and more energy. This well help your confidence as your body changes. Realign your relationship with food by fasting at least twice a week for 18 hours a day. It will also build your discipline.
Step 3 - Get a mentor. This should be someone that is already where you want to be, but that you add value to. This could be an Uncle, family friend, someone in the community but it should be a black man that has his life together.
Step 4 - Get a therapist. This should happen as soon as possible and there are free options for those that can't afford one but you need to talk to someone while you go through this journey. Everything starts in your mind and learning yourself better will help you with everything else.
You have to want this shxt though. Everyone's advice is a total waste of time if you don't want to be a better man. Our community desperately needs better men. If you want it your actions will reflect it. Who you surround yourself with will reflect it, how you think will reflect it. Sitting on your ass won't get you shxt but regrets.
You aren't going to become a better person overnight and you will stumble but it doesn't matter how small your steps are, if you're moving in the right direction you'll get to where you truly want to be.
If you're a black man in America, then the blood flowing through your veins is that of survivors, leaders, and people who didn't take no for an answer.
Go be great.
But I'm an extrovert. I met a joint through a local bike riding club riding my recumbent trike. (lost 75lbs so far doing long distance rides) The big thing at your age is getting into group activities. If you into science fiction/comics/anime/gaming, I always suggest hitting up conventions and mingle with people as you already have something in common at a con. Others have made the point to fix up your dress style. Go to a decent big and tall clothing store and get properly fitted.
