Is It OK to Discipline Someone Else’s Kid? The Great Debate
Whether or not you believe in the adage “It takes a village to raise a child,” when it comes to discipline, the rules aren’t always so clear. Is it ever OK to scold someone else’s child for behaving badly? And does it matter if the badly behaving kid is targeting your child or belongs to a friend or a stranger?
The Research
A Today survey asked if it’s ever OK to discipline someone else’s child. More than 8,000 people responded, and the answers were practically split down the middle: 52 percent said it’s fine to reprimand the child, while 48 percent said it’s not OK to do so.
What the Experts Say
In general, when your child’s friend comes over to play at your house, he or she should abide by your rules. If the friend is doing something you don’t allow, such as jumping on the couch with his shoes on or roughhousing, experts recommend speaking up. “You have the right to set the rules,” Lawrence Kutner, a clinical psychologist at Harvard University, wrote in Parenting. “Just because a visiting child claims that he’s allowed to do something at his house doesn’t mean you have to let him do it in yours. Sticking to your limits will help your own child feel secure. You don’t have to explain or justify your house rules. Just make them simple and clear.”
Although your house rules don’t apply to a public playground, Maralee McKee, author of Manners That Matter for Moms, says you should intervene if a kid you don’t know is playing with your child and is misbehaving and affecting the good time of other children. McKee wrote in her blog: “If your child is at the playground and is playing with a child you don’t know who is not playing nicely, say to him or her, ‘Hi, I’m Mrs. Horn, Tara’s mom. I don’t allow Tara to play with people who throw sand. If you want to keep playing with her, you’ll have to stop throwing sand. Is that OK?’ If the child throws sand again, move Tara to another spot in the park a few feet away. The sand throwing will probably stop soon enough, and they can play again.”
Parenting expert Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time, generally advises against disciplining other people’s children, with one exception: “If the child is in danger, then, of course, you should intervene swiftly and without hesitation,” McCready told ABC News.
What the Parents Say
“I never discipline children I do not know unless my child is in danger as a result of their behavior. Lecturing, ranting, or yelling at other people’s children is, in my book, completely unacceptable. That said, I have experienced horribly mannered children to which I bite my tongue, and they are never invited back. The only true scold I will offer other children (again, in my care) is [if they have] a rude tone or attitude, to which I always say the same thing: ‘Excuse me, but you may not speak to me in that manner.’” —Jane Mount.
“I’ve reprimanded kids on the playground, but never in an obnoxious or loud manner. I usually try to speak to them in a nice, friendly tone. I try my best to explain to the child what they are doing wrong and how it’s affecting the other kids. I have never had to reprimand any of my friends’ kids, thankfully.” —Allan Suarez.
I've seen kids in DR get belt whoopings on the street in front of EVERYBODY from people who weren't the parents.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But America seems to be soft on kids.
Whether or not you believe in the adage “It takes a village to raise a child,” when it comes to discipline, the rules aren’t always so clear. Is it ever OK to scold someone else’s child for behaving badly? And does it matter if the badly behaving kid is targeting your child or belongs to a friend or a stranger?
The Research
A Today survey asked if it’s ever OK to discipline someone else’s child. More than 8,000 people responded, and the answers were practically split down the middle: 52 percent said it’s fine to reprimand the child, while 48 percent said it’s not OK to do so.
What the Experts Say
In general, when your child’s friend comes over to play at your house, he or she should abide by your rules. If the friend is doing something you don’t allow, such as jumping on the couch with his shoes on or roughhousing, experts recommend speaking up. “You have the right to set the rules,” Lawrence Kutner, a clinical psychologist at Harvard University, wrote in Parenting. “Just because a visiting child claims that he’s allowed to do something at his house doesn’t mean you have to let him do it in yours. Sticking to your limits will help your own child feel secure. You don’t have to explain or justify your house rules. Just make them simple and clear.”
Although your house rules don’t apply to a public playground, Maralee McKee, author of Manners That Matter for Moms, says you should intervene if a kid you don’t know is playing with your child and is misbehaving and affecting the good time of other children. McKee wrote in her blog: “If your child is at the playground and is playing with a child you don’t know who is not playing nicely, say to him or her, ‘Hi, I’m Mrs. Horn, Tara’s mom. I don’t allow Tara to play with people who throw sand. If you want to keep playing with her, you’ll have to stop throwing sand. Is that OK?’ If the child throws sand again, move Tara to another spot in the park a few feet away. The sand throwing will probably stop soon enough, and they can play again.”
Parenting expert Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time, generally advises against disciplining other people’s children, with one exception: “If the child is in danger, then, of course, you should intervene swiftly and without hesitation,” McCready told ABC News.
What the Parents Say
“I never discipline children I do not know unless my child is in danger as a result of their behavior. Lecturing, ranting, or yelling at other people’s children is, in my book, completely unacceptable. That said, I have experienced horribly mannered children to which I bite my tongue, and they are never invited back. The only true scold I will offer other children (again, in my care) is [if they have] a rude tone or attitude, to which I always say the same thing: ‘Excuse me, but you may not speak to me in that manner.’” —Jane Mount.
“I’ve reprimanded kids on the playground, but never in an obnoxious or loud manner. I usually try to speak to them in a nice, friendly tone. I try my best to explain to the child what they are doing wrong and how it’s affecting the other kids. I have never had to reprimand any of my friends’ kids, thankfully.” —Allan Suarez.
I've seen kids in DR get belt whoopings on the street in front of EVERYBODY from people who weren't the parents.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But America seems to be soft on kids.
"
Beat up on kids, but don't confront grown adults who also give you the same disrespect brehs.