Ancient Egyptian Myths, Translated for the Coli

[Black Panther]

What was these ancient Egyptians on?

Lettuce and Kings: The Power Struggle Between Horus and Set

According to Papyrus Chester Beatty I, the conflict between Horus and Set happened to be a series of bouts, such as when they transformed into hippopotamuses and submerged themselves into the water to see who could last the longest, to Set removing Horus’s eyeballs as he slept. Don’t worry, Horus was able to regain his eyes with the help of a mistress named Hathor. But the story takes an erotic turn soon afterwards:

Now afterward, (at) evening time, bed was prepared for them, and they both lay down. But during the night, Set caused his phallus to become stiff and inserted it between Horus’s thighs. Then Horus placed his hands between his thighs and received Set’s semen. Horus went to tell his mother Isis: “Help me, Isis, my mother, come and see what Set has done to me.” And he opened his hand(s) and let her see Set’s semen. She let out a loud shriek, seized the copper (knife), cut off his hand(s) that were equivalent. Then she fetched some fragrant ointment and applied it to Horus’s phallus. She caused it to become stiff and inserted it into a pot, and he caused his semen to flow down into it.

Allow me to translate into Coli-speak:
So this nikka Set straight up raped his nephew Horus like it was Oz

Horus's first thought is "I should catch this nut and show my mom "

Isis hit Horus with the and cut off this nikka hand

Then made him hard and gave him a handjob with the good lotion

And caught his nut in a bottle

 

[Black Panther]

But wait, there's more.

Isis at morning time went carrying the semen of Horus to the garden of Set and said to Set’s gardener: “What sort of vegetable is it that Set eats here in your company?” So the gardener told her: “He doesn’t eat any vegetable here in my company except lettuce.” And Isis added the semen of Horus onto it. Set returned according to his daily habit and ate the lettuce, which he regularly ate. Thereupon he became pregnant with the semen of Horus.

So Isis gets an idea

"Yo gardener, what kind of vegetables does Set eat? "

"Only lettuce. "

"Cool. I'll be right back. "

Set: "Yo, this lettuce look so fresh"

Isis:

Spoiler: Lettuce?

Note: Lettuce was considered an aphrodisiac in Ancient Egypt.

 

[Milk N Cookies]

I'm not sure where this is going but I'm in for an epic thread.

 

[Shabazz]

But wait, there's more.



So Isis gets an idea

"Yo gardener, what kind of vegetables does Set eat? "

"Only lettuce. "

"Cool. I'll be right back. "

Set: "Yo, this lettuce look so fresh"

Isis:

Spoiler: Lettuce?

Note: Lettuce was considered an aphrodisiac in Ancient Egypt.

lettuce is mostly water, those nikkas were dumb

 

[Black Panther]

But wait, there's more

Towards the end of the story, both Horus and Set appear in front of Thoth, who was another deity known to handle godly disputes:

Said Set: “Let me be awarded the office of Ruler … for as to Horus, the one who is standing (trial), I have performed the labor of a male against him.”

Set: I should be king caused I raped this nikka

In other words, Horus cannot be ruler of Egypt because he had been covered in sperm like a woman. Because Set has performed a “labor of a male against him,” Horus cannot rule over anyone. He had already been ruled.

Horus then took an oath by god as follows: “All that Set has said is false. Let Set’s semen be summoned that we may see from where it answers, and my own be summoned that we may see from where it answers.”

Horus: Yo, Set ain't raped nobody! Tell the cum to answer where it's at, it ain't on me!

Then Thoth, lord of script and scribe of truth for the Ennead, put his hand on Horus’s shoulder and said: “Come out, you semen of Set.”

And it answered him from the water in the interior of the marsh. [This is where Horus's hand presumably was.]

Thoth: "Where's Set's nut at "

Nut: "in the bushes"

 

[Black Panther]

But wait, there's more

Thoth put his hand on Set’s shoulder and said: “Come out, you semen of Horus.”

Then it said to him: “Where shall I come from?”

Thoth said to it: “Come out from his ear.”

Thereupon it said to him: “Is it from his ear that I should issue forth, seeing that I am divine seed?”

Then Thoth said to it:”Come out from the top of his head.”

And it emerged as a golden solar disk upon Set’s head. Set became exceeding furious and extended his hand(s) to seize the golden solar disk. Thoth took it away from him and placed it as a crown upon his (own) head […]

Thoth: "Where's Horus's nut at "

Nut: Inside Set

Thoth: "I command you to come out his ear! "

Nut: "I don't come out no ear like no regular nut "

Thoth: ...Come out the top of his head then and gimme that crown

 

[Luxury Tax]

Nut: "in the bushes"

 

[Black Panther]

Actually didn't even catch that

 

[Slangtonomo]

On another note, I wondered the significance of male rape in the way not often examined.

Akin to cattle mutilations, the anus is often cored.

Can it be that our soul or chi or energy is connected to our ass.

 

[hatealot]

what type of homo erotica is going on here

 

[Black Panther]

On another note, I wondered the significance of male rape in the way not often examined.

Akin to cattle mutilations, the anus is often cored.

Can it be that our soul or chi or energy is connected to our ass.

It was intended to be a show of dominance more than anything

 

[Knowledge]

nikka what type of moon rocks you been smoking?

 

[Ghpstface]

Somebody put a pharaoh headdress on

 

[Black Panther]

nikka what type of moon rocks you been smoking?

The good kind

On a related note, though, I didn't make this story up. This is part of Egyptian mythology

 

[wickedsm]