Rex Tillerson - You're Fired! - Pompeo is Secretary of State; Gina Haspel is CIA Director
- Thread starter thatrapsfan
- Start date
afterlife2009
Superstar
he losing it
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
Nation Marvels at Trump’s Ability to Turn ExxonMobil Multimillionaire Into Sympathetic Figure
By Andy Borowitz
3:15 P.M.
Photograph by David Butow / Redux
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans on Tuesday marvelled at Donald J. Trump’s ability to transform the former C.E.O. of ExxonMobil into a figure deserving of their sympathy.
Across the country, Americans expressed amazement that Rex Tillerson, who presided over the nation’s largest oil company and has an estimated net worth of three hundred million dollars, is now someone they find themselves pulling for.
“Rex Tillerson made tens of millions of dollars a year while ordinary consumers like me suffered from high gas prices,” Tracy Klugian, a hardware-store clerk in Lansing, Michigan, said. “Having said that, no one deserves to be treated the way he was today.”
“ExxonMobil had an egregious record for environmental damage and human-rights violations around the world,” Carol Foyler, a school counsellor in Santa Rosa, California, said. “Still, your heart has to go out to him.”
As for Tillerson, he bid a gracious farewell to his associates at the State Department and announced that, even though his government career was at an end, he would never stop trying to harm the world as a private citizen.
Nation Marvels at Trump’s Ability to Turn ExxonMobil Multimillionaire Into Sympathetic Figure
By Andy Borowitz
3:15 P.M.
Photograph by David Butow / Redux
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans on Tuesday marvelled at Donald J. Trump’s ability to transform the former C.E.O. of ExxonMobil into a figure deserving of their sympathy.
Across the country, Americans expressed amazement that Rex Tillerson, who presided over the nation’s largest oil company and has an estimated net worth of three hundred million dollars, is now someone they find themselves pulling for.
“Rex Tillerson made tens of millions of dollars a year while ordinary consumers like me suffered from high gas prices,” Tracy Klugian, a hardware-store clerk in Lansing, Michigan, said. “Having said that, no one deserves to be treated the way he was today.”
“ExxonMobil had an egregious record for environmental damage and human-rights violations around the world,” Carol Foyler, a school counsellor in Santa Rosa, California, said. “Still, your heart has to go out to him.”
As for Tillerson, he bid a gracious farewell to his associates at the State Department and announced that, even though his government career was at an end, he would never stop trying to harm the world as a private citizen.
Nation Marvels at Trump’s Ability to Turn ExxonMobil Multimillionaire Into Sympathetic Figure
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
White House Now Just Holding Continuous Going-Away Party For Departing Staffers
2/13/18 5:36pm
SEE MORE: POLITICS
WASHINGTON—In an effort to make the frequent festivities for departing staffers more efficient, White House officials announced Tuesday that the administration is now just holding one continuous going-away party. “Instead of throwing a send-off celebration for Rob Porter and Rick Dearborn only to turn around and do it again a week later, we will now simply hold around-the-clock gatherings with light refreshments and cupcakes to honor whoever left the administration most recently,” said Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, adding that employees may now join their coworkers at any time of day in the permanently decorated White House kitchen where a never-ending stream of staffers will announce that this is their last day, perpetually deliver farewell speeches, and constantly pass around and sign goodbye cards for continuously departing coworkers. “In order to avoid another situation like when we had three separate get-togethers in one week for Sean Spicer, Michael Short, and Reince Priebus, aides may now enjoy a cup of soda, don a party hat, reminisce over fond memories together, and say their farewells whenever it is convenient for them.” Huckabee-Sanders added that she looks forward to seeing everyone in the kitchen, where she expects to be honored shortly.
https://politics.theonion.com/white-house-now-just-holding-continuous-going-away-part-1822978954
2/13/18 5:36pm
SEE MORE: POLITICS
WASHINGTON—In an effort to make the frequent festivities for departing staffers more efficient, White House officials announced Tuesday that the administration is now just holding one continuous going-away party. “Instead of throwing a send-off celebration for Rob Porter and Rick Dearborn only to turn around and do it again a week later, we will now simply hold around-the-clock gatherings with light refreshments and cupcakes to honor whoever left the administration most recently,” said Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, adding that employees may now join their coworkers at any time of day in the permanently decorated White House kitchen where a never-ending stream of staffers will announce that this is their last day, perpetually deliver farewell speeches, and constantly pass around and sign goodbye cards for continuously departing coworkers. “In order to avoid another situation like when we had three separate get-togethers in one week for Sean Spicer, Michael Short, and Reince Priebus, aides may now enjoy a cup of soda, don a party hat, reminisce over fond memories together, and say their farewells whenever it is convenient for them.” Huckabee-Sanders added that she looks forward to seeing everyone in the kitchen, where she expects to be honored shortly.
https://politics.theonion.com/white-house-now-just-holding-continuous-going-away-part-1822978954
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
NEWS IN BRIEF
Secretary Of State Fired After Inappropriately Weighing In On International Politics
Today 1:30pm
SEE MORE: REX TILLERSON
WASHINGTON—Saying the administration would not tolerate such egregious behavior from an official in his capacity, the White House confirmed Tuesday that outgoing Secretary of State Rex Tillerson had been fired for inappropriately weighing in on international politics. “Mr. Tillerson was well aware of what we expected from him as the nation’s chief diplomat, and therefore should have known better than to give his opinions on a foreign policy matter,” read the statement from the White House, citing Tillerson’s public condemnation of Russia for its likely involvement in a nerve agent attack in the U.K. as “completely out of line” and “inconsistent with the current administration’s understanding of his duties.” “By assessing an international situation between allies and voicing his perspective as head of the State Department, Mr. Tillerson completely overstepped his jurisdiction. This administration’s firm stance against this kind of overreach by senior diplomatic advisers led President Trump to act swiftly and remove Mr. Tillerson from his position.” At press time, Trump was praising his new nominee for secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, for his strong commitment to diplomacy within the boundaries of what the president will allow.
Secretary Of State Fired After Inappropriately Weighing In On International Politics
Today 1:30pm
SEE MORE: REX TILLERSON
WASHINGTON—Saying the administration would not tolerate such egregious behavior from an official in his capacity, the White House confirmed Tuesday that outgoing Secretary of State Rex Tillerson had been fired for inappropriately weighing in on international politics. “Mr. Tillerson was well aware of what we expected from him as the nation’s chief diplomat, and therefore should have known better than to give his opinions on a foreign policy matter,” read the statement from the White House, citing Tillerson’s public condemnation of Russia for its likely involvement in a nerve agent attack in the U.K. as “completely out of line” and “inconsistent with the current administration’s understanding of his duties.” “By assessing an international situation between allies and voicing his perspective as head of the State Department, Mr. Tillerson completely overstepped his jurisdiction. This administration’s firm stance against this kind of overreach by senior diplomatic advisers led President Trump to act swiftly and remove Mr. Tillerson from his position.” At press time, Trump was praising his new nominee for secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, for his strong commitment to diplomacy within the boundaries of what the president will allow.
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
Rex Tillerson Shoots Mike Pompeo Quick Email Explaining All The Countries
Today 1:39pm
SEE MORE: REX TILLERSON
WASHINGTON—Jotting down a few thoughts in order to help his replacement hit the ground running, departing Secretary of State Rex Tillerson reportedly shot Mike Pompeo a quick email Tuesday to help get him up to speed on all the countries. “Hey Mike, just wanted to give you a brief rundown on the nations of the Earth before I head out,” read Tillerson’s email, which then proceeded to list, in no particular order, the 206 countries of the world, along with brief, often one-word descriptions for each. “Mexico: Spanish-speaking nation on southern border that doesn’t like walls; Australia: big island with kangaroos and no guns; China: communists, trading partner, we owe them lots of money; Nigeria: hot; Saudi Arabia: fantastic; South Korea: ???” Sources confirmed Tillerson concluded his email by saying there was no need to stress out about remembering everything on the list, as he hadn’t found it necessary to know all that much about the countries and Pompeo probably wouldn’t either.
Today 1:39pm
SEE MORE: REX TILLERSON
WASHINGTON—Jotting down a few thoughts in order to help his replacement hit the ground running, departing Secretary of State Rex Tillerson reportedly shot Mike Pompeo a quick email Tuesday to help get him up to speed on all the countries. “Hey Mike, just wanted to give you a brief rundown on the nations of the Earth before I head out,” read Tillerson’s email, which then proceeded to list, in no particular order, the 206 countries of the world, along with brief, often one-word descriptions for each. “Mexico: Spanish-speaking nation on southern border that doesn’t like walls; Australia: big island with kangaroos and no guns; China: communists, trading partner, we owe them lots of money; Nigeria: hot; Saudi Arabia: fantastic; South Korea: ???” Sources confirmed Tillerson concluded his email by saying there was no need to stress out about remembering everything on the list, as he hadn’t found it necessary to know all that much about the countries and Pompeo probably wouldn’t either.
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
Gina Haspel Recalls Having To Torture More Prisoners Than Male Colleagues To Prove Herself
Today 2:14pm
SEE MORE: POLITICS
WASHINGTON—Acknowledging the gender discrimination she faced in her field before receiving President Trump’s nomination to become the first female director of the CIA, career intelligence officer Gina Haspel recalled Tuesday having to torture many more prisoners than her male colleagues to prove herself. “For a long time, no one would take me seriously even though I was abusing twice as many detainees and employing far crueler methods than most of the men I worked with,” said Haspel, the current CIA deputy director, adding that her work overseeing the “Cat’s Eye” secret prison in Thailand in the early 2000s proved she could run an extralegal black site just as well as any man. “It was really frustrating how I’d have to continually come up with more innovative and brutal ways to torture high-value assets just to receive the slightest bit of recognition from my superiors, whereas the men who held the same position as me could just coast by on the same old sensory-deprivation techniques. I mean, I had to waterboard one suspected al-Qaeda member 83 times in a single month until he lost an eye—you think any of my male coworkers had to work that hard to get ahead? When you’re a woman, they never fully appreciate the things you do for them. It doesn’t matter how many videotapes of illegal torture you help destroy on the CIA’s behalf.” Haspel added that she hoped her promotion would help usher in a new age where there were more women like her in power.
Today 2:14pm
SEE MORE: POLITICS
WASHINGTON—Acknowledging the gender discrimination she faced in her field before receiving President Trump’s nomination to become the first female director of the CIA, career intelligence officer Gina Haspel recalled Tuesday having to torture many more prisoners than her male colleagues to prove herself. “For a long time, no one would take me seriously even though I was abusing twice as many detainees and employing far crueler methods than most of the men I worked with,” said Haspel, the current CIA deputy director, adding that her work overseeing the “Cat’s Eye” secret prison in Thailand in the early 2000s proved she could run an extralegal black site just as well as any man. “It was really frustrating how I’d have to continually come up with more innovative and brutal ways to torture high-value assets just to receive the slightest bit of recognition from my superiors, whereas the men who held the same position as me could just coast by on the same old sensory-deprivation techniques. I mean, I had to waterboard one suspected al-Qaeda member 83 times in a single month until he lost an eye—you think any of my male coworkers had to work that hard to get ahead? When you’re a woman, they never fully appreciate the things you do for them. It doesn’t matter how many videotapes of illegal torture you help destroy on the CIA’s behalf.” Haspel added that she hoped her promotion would help usher in a new age where there were more women like her in power.
rough interrogation ... yeah msnbc and the nytimes are the left's version of faux news (and sinclair) alright.
88m3
Fast Money & Foreign Objects
rough interrogation ... yeah msnbc and the nytimes are the left's version of faux news (and sinclair) alright.
they say she roughed them up real good
ORDER_66
The Fire Rises 2023
Nation Marvels at Trump’s Ability to Turn ExxonMobil Multimillionaire Into Sympathetic Figure
By Andy Borowitz
3:15 P.M.
Photograph by David Butow / Redux
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans on Tuesday marvelled at Donald J. Trump’s ability to transform the former C.E.O. of ExxonMobil into a figure deserving of their sympathy.
Across the country, Americans expressed amazement that Rex Tillerson, who presided over the nation’s largest oil company and has an estimated net worth of three hundred million dollars, is now someone they find themselves pulling for.
“Rex Tillerson made tens of millions of dollars a year while ordinary consumers like me suffered from high gas prices,” Tracy Klugian, a hardware-store clerk in Lansing, Michigan, said. “Having said that, no one deserves to be treated the way he was today.”
“ExxonMobil had an egregious record for environmental damage and human-rights violations around the world,” Carol Foyler, a school counsellor in Santa Rosa, California, said. “Still, your heart has to go out to him.”
As for Tillerson, he bid a gracious farewell to his associates at the State Department and announced that, even though his government career was at an end, he would never stop trying to harm the world as a private citizen.
Nation Marvels at Trump’s Ability to Turn ExxonMobil Multimillionaire Into Sympathetic Figure
shyt is insane that he appears the only one who took his job seriously!!! out of all the people...