Religion/Spirituality The official Bizarre Bible Stories Thread

[Robbie3000]

In honor of the "Bible" series on the History Channel, let's highlight the silly, the sick and straight up demonic verses in the Bible that the series tries to side step. I offer these two stories.

30 Now Lot went up out of Zoar and mlived in the hills with his two daughters, for he was afraid to live in Zoar. So he lived in a cave with his two daughters. 31 And the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father.” 33 So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father. He did not know when she lay down or when she arose.

Lot and his family were saved from the wrath of Yahweh in Sodom because they were so righteous.

34 The next day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father. Let us make him drink wine tonight also. Then you go in and lie with
him, that we may preserve offspring from our father.” 35 So they made their father drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 36 Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son
and called his name Moab.2 nHe is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 The younger also bore a son and called his name Ben-ammi.3 oHe is the father of the Ammonites to this day.

4 There were giants (nephilim) in the earth in those days; and also after that,
when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.

@LegendNas

Apologetics are welcomed as well. @Mrsomebody @newworldafro etc.

 

[NoMayo15]

The entire bible is a bizarre story

 

[CASHAPP]

8. Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

^That boy Jehova is a legend





1 Samuel 18:27 (NIV) David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins* (*maybe with the penises were still attached to the foreskin!) and presented the FULL NUMBER to the king* (*they counted the bloody 200 foreskins one by one with their bare hands, a few times over to make sure it was a “FULL NUMBER!” all under this wanking God watchful eye!) so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage* (*God was so turned on by this whole affair that later on God took away King Saul’s wives, including Michal’s mother and gave them to King David, for his added kinky sexual pleasure!).



Btw maybe we should move this to Locker Room because it may be more popular since Higher Learning can be dead.....unless that would be too off topic

 

[Robbie3000]

All the JBO goons might want to pay attention.

8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.

9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10 And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.

 

[88m3]

All the JBO goons might want to pay attention.

 

[Robbie3000]

@88m3, @TheReal, @the cac mamba, @VictorVonDoom, @Mowgli, @Slaimon

We need contributors and/or defenders.

 

[Robbie3000]

"And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them." (Ezekiel 4:12-13)

:scusthova:

 

[Mowgli]

I dont defend the bible to fakkit loving/defending fukk boys. Eat a dikk like you used to doin and burn in hell like you want to. nikkas call the bible disgusting and then defend aids spreading queers. You nikkas is hilarious.

 

[the cac mamba]

@88m3, @TheReal, @the cac mamba, @VictorVonDoom, @Mowgli, @Slaimon

We need contributors and/or defenders.

the bible is a disgusting book of lies full of incest and murder. responsible for an enormous amount of evil and a small amount of positivity. conveniently written 400 years after the fact, then translated into a king james version (conveniently, also used to justify the 'fact' that kings were divine :belip:

the bible

 

[the cac mamba]

I dont defend the bible to fakkit loving/defending fukk boys. Eat a dikk like you used to doin and burn in hell like you want to.

but does your other alias, mr somebody? and what does crakface have to say on the matter?

 

[Slaimon Khan Shah]

@88m3, @TheReal, @the cac mamba, @VictorVonDoom, @Mowgli, @Slaimon

We need contributors and/or defenders.

I RECOMMEND EVERYONE READ THE QURAN AT The Noble Qur'an - ?????? ?????? IT'S AMAZING HOW SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE THE QURAN IS BEFORE THERE WAS EVER THE TECHNOLOGY TO PROVE HOW SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE THE QURAN IS.

 

[Mowgli]

but does your other alias, mr somebody? and what does crakface have to say on the matter?

You a bytch and an undercover fakkit bottom line. I have nothing to say to you as far as morality goes. You've made up your mine to be a bytch and a fakkit lover and defender of the gay community. Youve made your bed of dookie now lie in it and enjoy the aroma, like you used to doin. Im not mr. somebody nikka. IM not your mutha fukkin friend.

 

[Robbie3000]

I dont defend the bible to fakkit loving/defending fukk boys. Eat a dikk like you used to doin and burn in hell like you want to. nikkas call the bible disgusting and then defend aids spreading queers. You nikkas is hilarious.

From 2nd Kings, Ch 2:

23: And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24: And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

42 kids though? Thats worse than the Newtown shooting. For cracking jokes?

 

[the cac mamba]

You a bytch and an undercover fakkit bottom line. I have nothing to say to you as far as morality goes. You've made up your mine to be a bytch and a fakkit lover and defender of the gay community. Youve made your bed of dookie now lie in it and enjoy the aroma, like you used to doin. Im not mr. somebody nikka. IM not your mutha fukkin friend.

i dont defend fakkits, but your constant tirades reek of repressed homosexuality. who talks about gay sex the most on this site? you. culo blasting

it seems like your mr somebody alias has more self control. btw, you didnt even deny that crakface is one of your aliases

 

[Mowgli]

i dont defend fakkits, but your constant tirades reek of repressed homosexuality

it seems like your mr somebody alias has more self control. btw, you didnt even deny that crakface is one of your aliases

. You're useless in this world. What do you do besides pay taxes. Useless.