you don't even want to try to think outside your mindset? i know it's hard, but damn.
take a look at this pic, the shoes to the left of the line are okay. no one would bat an eye at anyone wearing these shoes.women have been wearing heels to work since the 50s. it really doesn't turn any heads but yours. shoes to the right are not okay, and would look trashy. she's probably not wanting to wear those anyway because of that reason.
so what if she wants to look different at the office? maybe she's bored with her appearance. women change hair color, clothing style, reinvent themselves all the time. not everything is about you. she existed before you and will exist after you. wanting to dress a certain way doesn't mean there is another man out there, especially if her clothing isn't that big of a deal in the office. most women just aren't thinking with your mind. seriously. may be hard to grasp, but men think about sex all the damn time, and women only a fraction of the time and mostly with their husbands or some celebrity they'll never meet. your marriage is safe. if i were you i would be asking what's normal and why you don't trust your wife.
yeah the urban comments are annoying and racist, but again that probably has to do with her fitting in to the office and not wanting to be the oddball out and the target of prejudice. maybe you can talk about that with her instead of accusing her of cheating. how hurtful is that when you don't want to be the outcast in the office and your husband won't even try to understand and talk with you, instead he points a finger too.