Marco Zen
Black Privilege
Yesterday
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- Thread starter Neo. The Only. The One.
- Start date
Belize King
I got concepts of a plan.
Glo, you out here apologizing in these streets? You take accountability for your actions if you are wrong?This can also be the case
My Wife said the divorce word last year in Jan. It was a misunderstanding, but it was said regardless. She has apologized several times about the behavior since then. I see and feel her shame. It has had an effect on me. I wouldnt say fear of abandonment, but more a fear of lost love. It seemed as though she can just throw away what we built over emotions. The problem of family has been a reoccurring theme within our relationship.
The reason why I just brought it up is she apologized about it again last night. She wished she would have never said it. After saying divorce, she wanted me to hold and fight for her.
Women be crazy. We hittin 7 years in July.
When was the last time you apologized? Is it that rare for women to take accountability of their actions? Are you a unicorn?
I got me one. It took time. She always had it in her but it took a man to “see” her to realize that she is safe with me.
I make it a habit to right my wrongs, both verbally and through corrective actions to show that I am sorry. I try my best to see situations from the other person's point of view and meet them halfway. I have apologized for things that were not even my fault at times, just to keep peace.
I am very accountable and I consistently push myself to grow. The last time I apologized was pretty recent, and it was a circumstance that was beyond my control, but the other person did not have the ability to find it within themselves to genuinely reflect. To move things into a more positive space (so I thought), I took the blame.
I take it that you and your family are doing well? It's great to hear that you have created a safe space for your wife to drop her guard and be present with you in each moment. I wish nothing but continued happiness for you both.
Belize King
I got concepts of a plan.
I'm sorry you have to act like that towards somebody you care about. It seems they aren't too high on the emotional intelligence. It's hard to teach. You have to be open to it. You have to put in the work as well. I don't know if you can show your person this. If it is very important to you, you should let them know. They will try to work on seeing their faults or won't. Sad thing for you is, he could be great otherwise. Self awareness seems to be lacking in most of us. It's hard out here.
As you can see from some of the responses on this thread, there's high expectations but probably very low reciprocation. It's not a gender thing at all. I bet if you ask black women the exact same question of the act of apology, you would get the same type of responses.
My Wife and I are in a great space right now. I'm half way through my rotation here and headed home the first week of May! We hit 7 years in July. It's been a journey, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. We taught each other how we want to be treated and set expectations. We are able to talk to each other when we veer from the path. That talk happens early so we can correct the course and nobody's feelings gets hurt.
I hope you have a real one.
I'm sorry you have to act like that towards somebody you care about. It seems they aren't too high on the emotional intelligence. It's hard to teach. You have to be open to it. You have to put in the work as well. I don't know if you can show your person this. If it is very important to you, you should let them know. They will try to work on seeing their faults or won't. Sad thing for you is, he could be great otherwise. Self awareness seems to be lacking in most of us. It's hard out here.
As you can see from some of the responses on this thread, there's high expectations but probably very low reciprocation. It's not a gender thing at all. I bet if you ask black women the exact same question of the act of apology, you would get the same type of responses.
My Wife and I are in a great space right now. I'm half way through my rotation here and headed home the first week of May! We hit 7 years in July. It's been a journey, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. We taught each other how we want to be treated and set expectations. We are able to talk to each other when we veer from the path. That talk happens early so we can correct the course and nobody's feelings gets hurt.
I hope you have a real one.
You have said a lot with the bolded statements. I used to think that people would make things right if they cared enough. This goes for friends, love relationships, family, etc. However, that is not the case. There are people who have an inability to self-assess. There is no insight, therefore no foresight to gauge the consequences of actions and behaviors, in order to save the relationship before it hits a breaking point.
Oftentimes couples can get stuck in a loop of pain...who hurt who first...who hurt who the most. It blocks happiness and team-building opportunities. Too many apologies convert into blockages, and a scroll of offenses made by the other party. Forgiveness is just as important as admitting fault and/or receiving an apology. If not, before you know it, it's just easier to start fresh with someone new.
You two seem to have worked out the kinks in your relationship, allowing for easy communication and fun. I can feel the excitement you have about seeing your wife again.
NOTHIN LIKE A FEMALE APOLOGIZING WHILE U BALLS DEEP IN THE PUNANI
Women can indeed be a little crazy at times.Glo, you out here apologizing in these streets? You take accountability for your actions if you are wrong?
My Wife said the divorce word last year in Jan. It was a misunderstanding, but it was said regardless. She has apologized several times about the behavior since then. I see and feel her shame. It has had an effect on me. I wouldnt say fear of abandonment, but more a fear of lost love. It seemed as though she can just throw away what we built over emotions. The problem of family has been a reoccurring theme within our relationship.
The reason why I just brought it up is she apologized about it again last night. She wished she would have never said it. After saying divorce, she wanted me to hold and fight for her.
Women be crazy. We hittin 7 years in July.
Sometimes when we don’t feel heard or acknowledged we can act out in wild ways to get attention or a reaction.
My cousin’s ex did the same thing.
He gave her what she wanted and she keeps saying she didn’t really mean it and just wanted to scare him into realizing she was serious or whatever.
Yea I learned from that at a young age. If that’s a man you actually want to keep, you can’t play that game. Game isn’t the same for men and women
That’s honestly why it’s for hard for me to commit. Cuz if I’m with you, I’m with you and we riding this thing out! Not saying I would take any blatant, purposeful disrespect, but if I’m locked in it’s because I truly value and respect you, so we gonna figure the shyt out.
Your wife thought saying divorce would shake you up, but a lot of women don’t understand that while it may be a bad process in the beginning, a man with his shyt together is gonna be fine after a divorce.
Whew chile…
Now imagine if that’s how one/both of your parents are…
Shyt be hitting like a ton of bricks when these discussions arise and I’m like “oh yea, my parents
”
Only good thing is because of them I can spot it a million miles away in a potential partner lol
Yes, I actually do. LolGlo, you out here apologizing in these streets? You take accountability for your actions if you are wrong?
I made a comment on here before about how I apologized to someone and he was so shocked. It freaked me out that that was his reaction and how it seemed like he was legit surprised and appreciative that I apologized. I was like “Do women really not apologize to y’all?!”
Whew chile…
Now imagine if that’s how one/both of your parents are…
Shyt be hitting like a ton of bricks when these discussions arise and I’m like “oh yea, my parents
Only good thing is because of them I can spot it a million miles away in a potential partner lol
Yeah, that can be really tough with a parent. Especially since they will always have the upper-hand so to speak, because of a position of authority and expectations of respect.
Lemme tell you.
It’s amazing I don’t drink lmao
Once I realized the emotional game I checked out emotionally. I’ll take care of you because that’s my duty, but the emotions switch has flipped
Lemme tell you.
It’s amazing I don’t drink lmao
Once I realized the emotional game I checked out emotionally. I’ll take care of you because that’s my duty, but the emotions switch has flipped
You can't allow that, family or not. Some folks get off on a roller-coaster ride of emotions and being able to pull you to and fro.
As you said, you will do your duties, but you have to protect your mental and emotional well-being. You should be just as important to yourself as they are to you.
Don't be afraid to decompress when needed. This world can be very harsh and it can seem like enemies are inside the gate.
You are so right.
Everyone in the fam for the most part backed away a bit and it’s taken her forever to realize it.
Plus she was the fly one when they were younger so no one checked her.
Just learning the lesson and moving forward
You are so right.
Everyone in the fam for the most part backed away a bit and it’s taken her forever to realize it.
Plus she was the fly one when they were younger so no one checked her.
Just learning the lesson and moving forward
And that's exactly what should be done. You are not her, nor are you bound by her mistakes. Whatever remnants of toxicity from rearing that are left-over (if any), work them off you because they don't belong to you.
You are not your mother and there is a life to be lived with your own rules, with the attempt to minimize mistakes, because through her, you are able to see some things coming. Use that as a gift.
There is no generational curse or trauma there. You can begin anew with none of her ways attached to you. Claim it. You are now a fly on the wall, all you do is observe and go home.
Allow people to be themselves. We don't always have to try and change anyone or make them see what they have done to us. Pick up the pieces and create your own puzzle.
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YOU. ARE. SO. POSITIVE. !
🥹🥹🥹
I actually, really appreciate that. Super kind and insightful of you.
I will pay it forward, for sure.
