6 Things I Learned Having My Penis Surgically Removed

E

el3mentary

Piff Wallace
Joined
Mar 5, 2015
Messages
700
Reputation
200
Daps
3,737
Reppin
West, West
This is from Cracked.com

Some excerpts:
First off, you have to learn to pee all over again. Each penectomy is unique, due to where the penis is snipped off (I cringe just writing that), so there is no standard way to pee -- you have to experiment, and have towels handy. The male urethra is angled to go out in front, but with no penis, suddenly you've got a spray that's more like what you'd get from a busted water line. Urinals are no longer an option, unless you're practically dry-humping them. Sitting down is also rough, since with only the stub left, pee flies out at an angle that somehow manages to hit the back of the toilet. Eventually, I figured out a way by kneeling down at the right angle to pee "normally" into a standard toilet.
Click to expand...

With a quarter-inch stem, I can still get erect and ejaculate, but due to the amputation, the lack of extra skin makes boners painful. And since I do have a wife, sex is still important. Not having sex would be unfair to her, and since we're monogamous, we decided against a sex surrogate. So we ended up doing couples shopping at a lesbian-oriented sex shop.

Those types of shops had the best range of artificial cocks, and the saleswoman noted how unusual it was to see men in there. After striking up a conversation as to which fake dikks worked best, she suggested a strap-on. The trick would be finding a way to get it on there so that I could both control the thing and not feel a lot of discomfort.
Click to expand...

I'll be blunt here. Once the penis is gone, it's never going to come back. If you accidentally cut it off while making sushi in the nude, you have about 24 hours to get it stitched back on. But my kind of cancer made that impossible. If there is any cancer left hiding like a ninja in my nether-regions, it can spread to any new tissue that would get sewn in down there.

Penis transplants aren't an option, either. Even if I got the guarantee that I was cancer-free, there's only been one successful penis transplant ever, and it's still in the experimental phase. As any amputee will tell you, prosthetics are nowhere near the same thing, and I couldn't wear one anyway. Modern medicine doesn't like to get into penis-related things (especially replacements), the lone exception being helping old dudes get erect.
Click to expand...

:sadcam: Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Count your blessings ya'll.....

Full article: http://www.cracked.com/article_22462_6-things-i-learned-having-my-penis-surgically-removed.html
 
newworldafro

newworldafro

DeeperThanRapBiggerThanHH
Joined
May 3, 2012
Messages
51,421
Reputation
5,343
Daps
116,004
Reppin
In the Silver Lining
I was watching some of Marco Polo episodes on Netflix. Marco went to see the captured princess from the Blue Empire. He was trying to ask her guard where she was. Guard tells him no, and commences to take out this device that he somehow pees into. Apparently the guard is a eunuch. Crazy.
 
KingSlime

KingSlime

All Star
Joined
May 14, 2015
Messages
601
Reputation
240
Daps
3,011
I'm sure if you got the stacks a penis implant is definitely an option. If I have to go to 20 different loan sharks to see a sketchy surgeon in Brazil so be it. I'm not living dikkless :sadcam:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top