A. Seales:I want to be with a brotha but a lot of you would rather be by yourselves. Why not commit?

[BigMan]

Is this what your seeing from women on social media though? Perhaps getting off social media and interacting with women who aren't as into it, is the key?

I think traveling can be a hobby, but obviously since it's not something you can do as frequently, if you work a regular job, and don't have unlimited PTO, there needs to be more that you're doing, especially if your a single woman with no obligations or responsibilities. But, I understand what your saying. Welcome to the "shallow and easy disposable" hook-up dating culture that all embraced years ago. Once you learn, that it is what it is, you won't be as affected. Trying to sort through the pool of men and women that participate in this culture to find wife or hubby material ? Yeah, okay. You got step out of that world breh.

I have a girl so I’m not looking I’m just sharing my observations from both real life and social media

 

[The ADD]

Sometimes I think both men and women try to squeeze compatibility into the people they are physically attracted to instead of finding somebody they are truly compatible with and building from there. Humans are so strange sometimes. But I love em all the same.

I think you are on to something here but I won't be able to connect the two because my brain is cloudy. Here goes:

If any dude is trying to connect with that IG looking model in general (for anything meaningful) it's bound to fail. That shyt is so far from reality it hurts my eyes looking at it. Combine that with the venues sand situations that you will meet that type and it's doomed to fail. I feel like most guys have a pretty varied idea of what is attractive so chasing that IG model look stops anything meaningful from happening from the start.

Just my $.02

 

[EndDomination]

And that's the point. A women who wants to be settled down and married will get what she wants. There's breh marrying black women who can't cook, past hoes, deep in debt etc etc. There's no you need to do this and that to be married, all a women has to do is find a man who expects himself to be married one day and if needed apply pressure for him to grant that. The one's that can't simply are not tooled enough to get it done.

All brehs in here are saying is black women need to start looking at themselves like what have they done to be in their position (regarding their love life), why are other black women getting married but you aren't. Blaming black men/women for your failure to not find a wife/husband is indicative on that individual - the minute you begin to blame a collective you are deluded yourself and only further harming your future.

The way Amanda and some brehettes in here are speaking/believing in absolutes about us is dangerous, it's the same formatted tool used by WS to destroy us by any means. Anyone who thinks or believes in this manner doesn't need to be in a relationship with another black person to begin with anyways, they are detrimental to other black people mentality.

The clear point I'm making is that there are more women that want to be married than there are men, especially in the Black community.
That is undeniable.
So, what you're saying is absolutely valueless.
There are many, many, many Black women who want to get married, date men in the appropriate groups, and get nothing out of it.

 

[ExodusNirvana]

Fellas... Stay Away From a Woman with No Hobbies

Same shyt over and over again. The Basics should be stickied.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

The clear point I'm making is that there are more women that want to be married than there are men, especially in the Black community.
That is undeniable.
So, what you're saying is absolutely valueless.
There are many, many, many Black women who want to get married, date men in the appropriate groups, and get nothing out of it.

But to a large extent I don't think this is Black men's fault.
I think we blame each other out of frustration but what we are seeing are the real live effects of white supremacy. This has always been by design.

I mean connect the dots. School to prison pipeline...

 

[BigMan]

The clear point I'm making is that there are more women that want to be married than there are men, especially in the Black community.
That is undeniable.
So, what you're saying is absolutely valueless.
There are many, many, many Black women who want to get married, date men in the appropriate groups, and get nothing out of it.

I think that’s just a numbers issue

 

[ThrobbingHood]

The clear point I'm making is that there are more women that want to be married than there are men, especially in the Black community.
That is undeniable.
So, what you're saying is absolutely valueless.
There are many, many, many Black women who want to get married, date men in the appropriate groups, and get nothing out of it.

It’s buyer’s market (for men), and the women (sellers) are overvaluing themselves. If there’s enough to supply the demand, it doesn’t make sense for any man to settle down straight away.

So you’re right, whilst there is a huge disparity between the amount of women to men ratio... some women have to realise they’re trying to shoot for the stars whilst they’re barely out of the gutter. It’s a harsh reality that many don’t want to accept.

Don’t get me wrong, there are men who think they deserve a dime when they ain’t worth shyt... but we’ve all seen the so called 10/10 go for a dusty dude with nothing going for him. When men who are trying to do well for themselves see this... it’s no surprise a lot of us are put off commiting. You see a man doing right by his woman and he still gets shytted on.

 

[The ADD]

But to a large extent I don't think this is Black men's fault.
I think we blame each other out of frustration but what we are seeing are the real live effects of white supremacy. This has always been by design.

I mean connect the dots. School to prison pipeline...

Yep.......................

It's going to be hard period and then when take away raw numbers of people in the dating pool and/or add factors that make them not as desirable.....................

Welp here we all are

 

[intruder]

Damn, dudes sound angry in this thread like they took what she said personally lol.

I see what she's saying, and I can't fault her for it because I know guys who act like this too. Part of the problem here is that a lot of people don't make their intentions clear when dating. Some things may go unsaid, but the problem is that one party (the girl) may be looking for a life partner while the other (the guy) is open to the idea of settling down where they are in life if they find someone worthwhile, but it's not urgent or something that can't wait. This leads to one (girl) trying to rush the other (guy) into getting serious, which in turn does the opposite effect since it turns guys off when girls rush things like that or come off clingy.

The other part goes back to what I and other posters have said about being willing to settle down if they find someone worthwhile. My views on marriage and relationships have changed a lot over the years from what I've experienced and learned. They may still change some more. With that being said, the qualities that I deem to be worthwhile (which I believe are realistic) haven't changed much and are not those that I've found a large majority of in any woman I've met (hence why I'm not married). A lot of woman just do not have traits that make them desirable life partners. Blame it on society, ill-equipped parents, social media, hyper-consumerism, whatever, but even the girls who seem to have a decent head on their shoulders have a shytload of baggage that they need to address before they can be taken seriously as a potential spouse.

You're right with everything you said.

But addressing why people are reacting to it is this: She advertises herself as a black feminist. The average black american male SEEMS to view feminism as minor threat but not a significant one. THe average Coli black male on the other hand, view feminism as the ultimate threat to go all the way to war DEFCON1 style over.

With that said, anything Amanda Seales says or does will always be viewed as an attack on black men even if it makes perfect sense. I bet you if she says "I love black men" and ended that sentence there, there would be a thread about it trying to dissect it for subliminals and "bedwhench" code and shyt.
www.thecoli.com I love this place

 

[Rawtid]

Damn, dudes sound angry in this thread like they took what she said personally lol.

I see what she's saying, and I can't fault her for it because I know guys who act like this too. Part of the problem here is that a lot of people don't make their intentions clear when dating. Some things may go unsaid, but the problem is that one party (the girl) may be looking for a life partner while the other (the guy) is open to the idea of settling down where they are in life if they find someone worthwhile, but it's not urgent or something that can't wait. This leads to one (girl) trying to rush the other (guy) into getting serious, which in turn does the opposite effect since it turns guys off when girls rush things like that or come off clingy.

The other part goes back to what I and other posters have said about being willing to settle down if they find someone worthwhile. My views on marriage and relationships have changed a lot over the years from what I've experienced and learned. They may still change some more. With that being said, the qualities that I deem to be worthwhile (which I believe are realistic) haven't changed much and are not those that I've found a large majority of in any woman I've met (hence why I'm not married). A lot of woman just do not have traits that make them desirable life partners. Blame it on society, ill-equipped parents, social media, hyper-consumerism, whatever, but even the girls who seem to have a decent head on their shoulders have a shytload of baggage that they need to address before they can be taken seriously as a potential spouse.

Most people suck at being desirable life partners and mainly because they've never done it before. This goes back to my point of people having an idea of how marriage should be without ever having experienced it for themselves. You can't believe in "happily ever after", while judging a person's worthwhile on who they are today. That's contradictory. With that said you shouldn't be looking to change anyone, but value those who want to change themselves. It's a cliche question, but the answer to "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" can tell you a lot about a person.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Thats the reality spending too much time online, looking for someone "perfect"

Thats how these IG thots and these male celebs got the most followers. People wanting to be "perfect" in everyone eyes end up making everyone else depressed.

Like a man ranting why cant he find a video hoe to look like Draya and still be on that domestic housewife shyt. Makes no sense.

Yep. I think social media/OLD has had an extremely negative effect on dating & relationships. A lot of people have delusions about "partners" based on the illusions(because a lot of it is fake, and artificial) that they see on social media now. I don't even fukk with social media, outside of my job, because I was hip to what was going on, years ago. But I feel for younger women that want to look like these "fake" IG thots, and the men that have to deal with delusional women who have been overrated and overhyped based on photoshopped and filtered pics they took on IG that resulted in a ton of thirsty followers. You have people that are average looking, or that don't have a reason to "toot" their horn, believing that the way they look makes them special and men believing they are wifey material based off their looks alone. I wonder if we did a poll, on dating back in the 80's and 90's, versus dating from (2000-2018) if most people have found that their dating/relationships are more positive from more technology, or if it's become more complicated and harder to find a partner. I'd say it's the latter, but I don't know.

I also think realistically, there are other factors happening too which have been touched on(a lot of people are broke and don't have the ability to be a suitable partner, numbers aren't in BW's favor, IR dating and it's impact on BM/BW and less traditional families, i.e. single parenthood producing children that never saw a normal functioning relationship or marriage so don't value either.)

 

[GoldenGlove]

Damn, dudes sound angry in this thread like they took what she said personally lol.

I see what she's saying, and I can't fault her for it because I know guys who act like this too. Part of the problem here is that a lot of people don't make their intentions clear when dating. Some things may go unsaid, but the problem is that one party (the girl) may be looking for a life partner while the other (the guy) is open to the idea of settling down where they are in life if they find someone worthwhile, but it's not urgent or something that can't wait. This leads to one (girl) trying to rush the other (guy) into getting serious, which in turn does the opposite effect since it turns guys off when girls rush things like that or come off clingy.

The other part goes back to what I and other posters have said about being willing to settle down if they find someone worthwhile. My views on marriage and relationships have changed a lot over the years from what I've experienced and learned. They may still change some more. With that being said, the qualities that I deem to be worthwhile (which I believe are realistic) haven't changed much and are not those that I've found a large majority of in any woman I've met (hence why I'm not married). A lot of woman just do not have traits that make them desirable life partners. Blame it on society, ill-equipped parents, social media, hyper-consumerism, whatever, but even the girls who seem to have a decent head on their shoulders have a shytload of baggage that they need to address before they can be taken seriously as a potential spouse.

Another factor that you didn't touch on that is a reality...

nikkas be lying breh


I have close FRIENDS, who I know ain't shyt. Literally soaking up these attractive young black woman's youth selling them a dream, and playing into the wants that these women want. Stringing them along, because they are just selfish. I say selfish because it's like they want to be with these women at their convenience. I've seen dudes fight for their girl's back, only to go back to doing dirt and being shady. Just let her go and go find some other women to fukk, I never understand how people can just do those that obviously care for them wrong.

Some of these women have the right to be bitter as fukk. They invest years into relationships with men that act like they will marry them one day, knowing damn well that was never a part of their plan. Then she wakes up 5+ years later with the same guy that will "settle down one day". Now she's in her 30s, and wasted the latter end of her 20s for what?

I will say, women have to be better as well. Yal have to see the signs and just cut your losses sooner. Stop letting these dudes play you like this. They do it because they know you're weak and won't start a new relationship with someone else. Amanda described the dynamic to the fukking T

 

[Chapter_BLK]

Most people suck at being desirable life partners and mainly because they've never done it before. This goes back to my point of people having an idea of how marriage should be without ever having experienced it for themselves. You can't believe in "happily ever after", while judging a person's worthwhile on who they are today. That's contradictory. With that said you shouldn't be looking to change anyone, but value those who want to change themselves. It's a cliche question, but the answer to "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" can tell you a lot about a person.

You can believe in happily ever after while judging someone's potential today. This, however, is contingent upon what one thinks happily ever after consists of and what kind of values someone looks for in a partner. If someone is honest, shows integrity, is patient, and caring over the span of say one year, it is fair to believe they will remain that way for a lifetime ignoring unforeseen circumstances. Happily ever after doesn't mean easy in any marriage situation though, and I think one big issue is that people hear that and still don't get it.

I agree about assessing someone on where they at least want to go, though. But, it looks like you contradicted yourself lol. Those who want to change themselves (positively) have a quality that already makes them desirable today, and it is one that is safe to assume would carry into the future as well. Not to downplay your argument because we're essentially saying the same thing.

 

[Wild self]

There are more men in prison, with felonies, unemployed, than there are women.
Those men aren't suitable for marriage or long term commitments.

So what about women that are underemployed, ex felons, and numerous kids out of wedlock? They don't deserve long term commitment?

 

[Wild self]

Yep. I think social media/OLD has had an extremely negative effect on dating & relationships. A lot of people have delusions about "partners" based on the illusions(because a lot of it is fake, and artificial) that they see on social media now. I don't even fukk with social media, outside of my job, because I was hip to what was going on, years ago. But I feel for younger women that want to look like these "fake" IG thots, and the men that have to deal with delusional women who have been overrated and overhyped based on photoshopped and filtered pics they took on IG that resulted in a ton of thirsty followers. You have people that are average looking, or that don't have a reason to "toot" their horn, believing that the way they look makes them special and men believing they are wifey material based off their looks alone. I wonder if we did a poll, on dating back in the 80's and 90's, versus dating from (2000-2018) if most people have found that their dating/relationships are more positive from more technology, or if it's become more complicated and harder to find a partner. I'd say it's the latter, but I don't know.

I also think realistically, there are other factors happening too which have been touched on(a lot of people are broke and don't have the ability to be a suitable partner, numbers aren't in BW's favor, IR dating and it's impact on BM/BW and less traditional families, i.e. single parenthood producing children that never saw a normal functioning relationship or marriage so don't value either.)

Images on TV and on social media clouded everyone judgment. Now people live for the fukkery.