The Radiant One
Superstar
It got me thinking as some of our parents age if you have a wife you may be expected to have your mother in law live with you or pay for their assisted living facility/nursing home once they retire.
from reddit
My wife’s parents are at the point in their lives where they can no longer live by themselves. Their children decided the best place for them is an assisted living facility. They started to look into different facilities and admittedly, I didn’t help because I figured the 5 adult siblings could handle it and I was never close to my in-laws. They found one that was perfect and my wife was very excited when she told me about it. I was less than thrilled when I found out our contribution will be roughly $3,000 upfront then $5,000 a month.
I immediately question why it cost roughly $15,000 upfront fee and $25,000 a month for 2 people in an assisted living apartment. I admit I sarcastically asked if their apartment is next door to Elon Musk’s parents. She then told me that we’re going to cover the lion’s share of the costs because we make more than her siblings. That was the beginning of a week of texts, phone, and in-person arguments. She argues that her siblings make less money combined than we do and some are single so it would impact them more thus so it’s only fair we pay more. She also argues that this facility is not the best or most expensive, it’s a mid tier one with the best ratings. According to her, anything lower have bad ratings and could put her parents’ safety in jeopardy. My argument is that there are 5 siblings so the costs should be divided equally between the 5 of them. I also argued that if 5 people can’t afford that place, they need to lower their standards. That started a circular argument for hours between cost and safety. I couldn’t take it anymore and in the heat of the moment, I yelled,
“we don’t make more that your brothers and sisters, I make more than all of you which is why you all want me to cover the cost for YOUR parents!”
That was the beginning of my nights sleeping in the guest bedroom. I know as a married couple I shouldn’t consider “mine” and “yours” income but realistically I do make more than all of them and I think it’s unfair to make me pay the largest portion.
What do you all think?
Update
I’m going to answer some questions.
- I assumed it was $25,000 a month because I assumed it was split 5 ways between the siblings and our share was $5,000 a month. It’ll be closer to $10,000 a month and our share is $5,000.
- Her parents have assets including a house so I was told they don’t qualify for government assistance. I brought up the idea of selling their house but was shot down immediately. The siblings want to keep the house in the family because their great grandfather built it or something.
- I can afford to pay it but I don’t want to based on principle. Their division means I’ll be paying $5,000 a month while the youngest brother will be paying only $300 a month and will be living in the house. Their thinking is that he’ll be paying the insurance and taxes on the house so he can’t afford more than $300.
4. I’m the only child to my parents. While they planned out their retirement, they worked their entire lives to put me through school and supported me through several degrees. I will be solely responsible for and will make sure their remaining days will be comfortable.
5. Per your suggestion, I asked my wife if we’re going contribute this much money to her parents, how they’re going to contribute to my parents when their time comes. She answered, “don’t be an idiot, that’s an entirely different situation.”
6. I don’t want ownership of their house because it’s very old and needs major work. I brought up the idea of selling the house again and it was shot down again. They’re not budging on it.
7. None of us know the laws and regulations when it comes to this so I finally got her to agree for us to sit down with an estate attorney.
8. Unless I feel up to it, this is probably the last update. I feel completely emotionally drained. I always knew my parents would get old but I never thought about it.
