squirt lotion, prefarbly colloidal oatmeal (aveno, etc) on toitlet paper.
use three fingers to glide the lubed sheet against the puckered bud.
press middle-fingertip up into the fukkshaft and ooze the lotion around
stand up and sit down in one continous motion to allow the sphincter to 'swallow the load'
repeat step one without lotion and double-up on the paper so it dont rip
knuckle-deep, twist, curl finger, pull out.
repeat three or four times until toilet paper stay white.
dont forgot to wash your hands.
AND I CAN PROVIDED AN ILLUSTRATED POWERPOINT PRESENTATION IF REQUESTED !