am i an a$$hole in this situation y'all? only care to hear from brehs and brehettes :yeshrug:

[Born Rich]

tryna keep the initial post short and to the point but will provide additional details if needed...

tl;dr - i feel guilty for not befriending a cool breh from work cuz i already have a circle of close homies...

met breh, we'll call him Derrick, 4-5 years ago when i started at the company and we would always chop it up whenever we'd pass each other in the office on some "how's life, how's the family" shyt but we never kicked it outside of work...

back in january a bunch of us flew to Houston for our sales conference and i ended up exchanging numbers with some of my co-workers who I hadn't seen in a minute since we started WFH in 2020 and Derrick was one of em...

i was flying into Houston a few days early to see my parents and gf and told breh me and my lady and him and his lady should link on some catchin up shyt (and also so my lady can expand her friend network)...weekend before the conference gets here and I completely forgot I told breh we should link...no biggie, we see each other at the conference and chop it up a bit and agree we should link after the conference...

he's tried to link a couple times after the conference but i've admittedly been flaky...

he wanted to organize an outing wit some of the other sales people in Houston and i initially said i was down, but when he text me wit an update a month ago i didn't respond...

he hit me last weekend to watch the UFC fight at Bombshells (sports bar franchise in TX) and I meant to hit him back and tell him i probably couldn't make it, but got distracted and never responded...

breh is hella cool, good head on his shoulders, and really business minded...wouldn't be surprised if he gets a director level position in the next year of two, but I'm realizing i have no desire to actually kick it wit him outside of work and just don't care enough to make new friends...

am i contributing to the phenomenon of black men not coming together to build? How do y'all handle meeting cool brehs and brehettes through work, church, gym, etc. but don't have the capacity to bring them into your friend circle?...

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

he's probably not really trying to be your "friend" either but just as you somehow pointed out (but maybe narcissism still kept you blind to the probablity?) that he's a mover and groover and trying to network lol

 

[Dont@Me]

Fukk all that. If you don't feel like socializing to that extent, then don't. If you cannot see the benefits outweighing the perceived difficulty of getting out there etc. then why even force it? I'd straight up let the Breh know you're not social like that so he doesn't think it's personal and that you're an introvert. If he doesn't understand that, then that's on him and you've said your peace.

I do think you should stop leading Breh on though

 

[RaspberryFitted]

reject a good connection with another BM brehs. Idk why you’re fixated on the “friendship” part. You can have acquaintances in life.

edit: In business/politics, not everybody is buddy buddy with each other — nor do they need to be. They’re cordial enough to recognize both parties benefit from each other’s success

 

[Taadow]

am i contributing to the phenomenon of black men not coming together to build? How do y'all handle meeting cool brehs and brehettes through work, church, gym, etc. but don't have the capacity to bring them into your friend circle?...

Yes - you are contributing to said “phenomenon”…but you don’t have to link up with other people, man.

Your only infraction is lying to (not) kick it. That’s fake, Hollywood chit.

 

[The Half-Blood FKA Prince]

Idk what to add to this other than thread got great spin potential

 

[FluffyEyes]

You should at least be upfront and say you don't want to do an event as opposed to never responding. The fact that he's a colleague means you should probably be a bit more careful how you handle him. You never know where either of you will end up and you don't want to burn a bridge unnecessarily.

 

[TheKongoEmpire]

Be respectful and at least acknowledge you've been flakey. Then just say your not very social. At least a man of word, go on double date once and just keep it pushing. Ideally he'll get the hint and both of you guys keep it moving while being professionally connected. If you're still with the company and he does advance, that's obviously one man you want into your corner.

 

[Umoja]

Bet you would be skinning and grinning if it was a white colleague making that effort

 

[CouldntBeMeTho]

Idk what to add to this other than thread got great spin potential

Maybe tag matt504

 

[Commish]

OP..

At least you admitted that you have been flaky with dude. You don't have to be his homie. But I would caution you from making false promises, flaking out, etc..Strive to be a man of your word and be a solid and ethical professional...

If you said that dude is an upstanding person & is about his business, then your antics could block you from receiving a blessing. One day, you may need dude to elevate your business network or help you secure a deal of sorts and he will remember you or blow you off like you did him.


Lastly, I am sure you know that there are levels to friendships. Some people will be strangers and stay in that lane. Others will be distant acquaintances, friendly acquaintances, associates of varying degrees and homies. Also, some people will move up and down your social pecking order throughout your life. That come with the territory.

 

[TRUEST]

Op, the only thing you wrong about is saying something you didn’t mean to say.

Dude probably feels disrespected.

Having friends take effort. Constant communication. Invitations to getogethers. If you’re not careful, you waste endless hours on that. And if you’re not an extrovert you have no business giving off the impression that you are.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Thread Title Side Note: who else would you have heard from

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Idk.. I’m a flaky person myself but I do try

Is it you 2 specifically?

 

[Arcavian]

This shyt is not important breh