Let me speak on my story. I went through a lot of mental health shyt when I was younger. Chronic depression, severe anxiety etc.
I recovered. And since then, I always thought I would be on some "I got through hell I can do anything".
But it didn't go like that. For years I subjected myself to a poverty state of mind. Working food service, thinking about the future and not the present. I never realized that time is precious
Im 26 now. I don't need to work for nobody else, Im dedicated to this music shyt, because I see music as the representation of the truth. I know how to deal with women, finally, and Ive got an odd group of friends.
But Ive got health concerns
I have asthma and vocal chord dysfunction, which is like Asthma except not easily treatable by medication.
Ive got bleeding gums. literally if I suck my gums in at any moment they start bleeding.
And of everything I been through, nothing killed my will to live. But this asthma shyt is different. Its been a problem for years now and its getting worse. the vocal chord dysfunction part makes the medication ineffective. Ive been to urgent care twice, and Ive been to the ER once in the past week. My doctor doesn't know what the fukk to do. And besides all that, part of it might be stem from anxiety. I don't know if I can't breathe or if I just think I can't breathe
So all those concerns, its given me 24 hours of genuinely wanting to die. Ive got plenty of fight left, but I maybe Ill apply it in the next universe and not this one. Im sick of this shyt. This place sucks. Everytime I get through something, I find myself in a more serious situation.
I love fighting. But Im also keen to how the fight is rigged
If the rules aren't fair I don't want to fukking fight
I'm living good for once in my life hell nah