Just my life, I plan on started from the beginning, but when i went to write it two years ago, i started from the end of middle school, 2000- and covered to about the end of 2003.
Excerpt from late fall 2003, when I was really pretty strung out bloody nose everyday and shyt..
It had all gotten to be Easton Eliis, in East County. Vast parties at panoramic mansions, clandestine cocaine use in elegantly sculpted bathrooms, the disaffected youth smoking joints in their parents cars, had become an assemblage of drug dealers and users, who lusted after the girls of ASB and other virtuous activities. It was an irony that was not lost on me, as I continued on, to the next party, the next drink, the next hurried line cut on someone's bathroom sink. I floated through these parties, adrift in decadence, looking for something, I was unlikely to find with a blocked nasal passage, and bloodstream full of alcohol. Lost in the crowd, alone in the party. I had begun to feel the misery and isolation of drug use, in previous months it was there, but became, sharper and more defined, yet I wandered on, buried myself in my work, seeking to alleviate my angst with money and drugs. I look back with clarity and insight of age, and I am, at once, disgusted and amused by these memories I still carry.
9:45 A.M: Hurriedly chopping out lines inside the bathroom stall, flattening the small pile of powder with a card, which lay upon the quickly wiped stainless still toilet paper dispenser, directly to the left of the toilet, I was late for class. I continued in my ritual, leaning down with a red and white cut off straw and ingesting a handful of lines, before shoving the pink plastic baggie, the straw and the card in my jacket pocket. I gagged harshly, and felt the heavy nasal burn as the powder raced up my nostrils. I hadn't eaten much, and I felt vaguely nauseous, a sickly, warm feeling. I quickly looked at myself in the mirror, washed my hands, which were sweaty and shaky, and walked into Study Hall, second period, and sat down. About 60 kids were assembled in two classrooms, heads down, headphones on, working on homework, or staring into space. It was deathly quiet. I was too distracted to listen to anything other then my heart rate, I crossed my arms, feeling my heart, discreetly, and tried to relax. The numbing chemical drips continued, as I grimaced in discomfort, and shifted my position endlessly. I was high and uncomfortable, much more so, when I realized, that I hadn't closed the baggie earlier, my fingertips came out from the inside pocket of my jacket, white and oily, horrified, I tried to wipe them off on the jacket, but powder seemed to be all over me, I brushed the jacket off, as quietly as I could. I got permission to go to the bathroom, and salvaged the situation, turning my jacket pocket inside out, on the toilet paper dispenser, I scraped 3/4 into the baggie, and sealed it, and snorted the rest, returning to study hall, as uncomfortable , and nauseous as before.