Anyone here had experience with

[Obreh Winfrey]

No...but he will "allude" to it before he leaves. He is staying with me for the weekend, and I know when he leaves, he will start telling me how he wants to get his life together but then I won't hear from him anymore for about another year.

@MarloStanfield, you were who I thought of when I made this thread, but this is someone who I do not think it homeless by choice. At this point, I do not know anymore.

I'm gonna be frank, no disrespect intended, but they have to really want to turn things around for themselves. They might allude to it in a roundabout way to get some temporary help but unless they actively work to change things it's just talk. I say this from dealing with homeless through volunteer work over the years. Given there's no heavy mental illness I've seen about 3 types
1) Those who don't want to change and won't regardless of the circumstances.
2) Those who say they want to change but they're just banking on the pity party for some temporary help.
3) Those that are ashamed of where they are and want to get back to their former glory.
I really hope this person is a 3 or at the very least a 2 transitioning into a 3. That said, you took a good first step in seeking some advice so that you can help them out. When a 2 sees this and has time to reflect on it they can become a 3 and you'll see progress. You can't spoon feed them everything because they have to have that inner drive, but a nudge in the right direction is the way to go.

If you happen to find a program rather than saying "you should go..." You might try "let's go check this out". That way they can't Juelz up an excuse as to why they didn't look into it, but more importantly you being with them shows that you support their success. I've seen some powerful transformations lemme tell ya

 

[Marlostanfield.]

No...but he will "allude" to it before he leaves. He is staying with me for the weekend, and I know when he leaves, he will start telling me how he wants to get his life together but then I won't hear from him anymore for about another year.

@MarloStanfield, you were who I thought of when I made this thread, but this is someone who I do not think it homeless by choice. At this point, I do not know anymore.

Well its a tough one to decipher really you should get into his head because why you do you think he's out there like that or has he shown you signs he wants to or no?

 

[Elle Seven]

I'm gonna be frank, no disrespect intended, but they have to really want to turn things around for themselves. They might allude to it in a roundabout way to get some temporary help but unless they actively work to change things it's just talk. I say this from dealing with homeless through volunteer work over the years. Given there's no heavy mental illness I've seen about 3 types
1) Those who don't want to change and won't regardless of the circumstances.
2) Those who say they want to change but they're just banking on the pity party for some temporary help.
3) Those that are ashamed of where they are and want to get back to their former glory.
I really hope this person is a 3 or at the very least a 2 transitioning into a 3. That said, you took a good first step in seeking some advice so that you can help them out. When a 2 sees this and has time to reflect on it they can become a 3 and you'll see progress. You can't spoon feed them everything because they have to have that inner drive, but a nudge in the right direction is the way to go.

If you happen to find a program rather than saying "you should go..." You might try "let's go check this out". That way they can't Juelz up an excuse as to why they didn't look into it, but more importantly you being with them shows that you support their success. I've seen some powerful transformations lemme tell ya

No disrespect taken. Couldn't find agree more with you.

This is my daddy I'm trying to help, and I truly think he fits the third description, but he's been at this for a minute now.

He's been an addict for over 20 years now, and I know conquering that will be one of many first steps he'll have to climb.

A part of me is so sad and yet so angry at the same time. To my knowledge, my daddy left home when my mother got pregnant and they got a place together. Years later, he went between living on the street, where his sister would help him, to living with his mother at her place.

My parents divorced years ago and both my aunt and grandmother have died in recent years. If you'll notice, the pattern here is there is always a woman in the family to help him. I'm literally the only one left, and though he's my father, a part of me has always been angry he's never been able to stand on his own in a healthy way but always require help from the women. This is a pattern for all the men in my family, but that is another story altogether.

He never comes to for help though (out of shame is my guess).Though he's not asking for help from me, deep down, I already know it'll have to be me to help him and I've accepted it. That's not something I say in anger, but just as a realization.

Anyway, he has two grandkids now and maybe that can motivate him to persevere. I know I can't do the work for him, so I just try to get the information he needs to get to where he needs to be. I want him to know I support him, because, you're right, that is very important.

The place I found a few hours ago offers not only assistance with ID but acquiring housing and employment. He just needs to be there bright and early on Monday to get started.

I'm praying he'll take that step. I want to see a transformation like you spoke about

 

[Elle Seven]

Well its a tough one to decipher really you should get into his head because why you do you think he's out there like that or has he shown you signs he wants to or no?

Nah. He has an addiction that caused him to lose his family he created, and most of the family he was born into has died. I think he doesn't know the first step to take to get things together. To me, it is so simple - decide you want better and then ask for help. I think he is ashamed though.

 

[Marlostanfield.]

Nah. He has an addiction that caused him to lose his family he created, and most of the family he was born into has died. I think he doesn't know the first step to take to get things together. To me, it is so simple - decide you want better and then ask for help. I think he is ashamed though.

I made a thread about heroin yesterday and from outside looking in you might think thats wrong where a person who is addicted but you have look at both perspectives. Why do so many heroin users overdose is because when you experience freedom you want to die. Drugs is freedom from this world is why people take them than you put in homelessness in it too, your father is going through something that seems bad but really isn't. Its all about perception. I know he wasn't in your life but he has go through this to grow.

Maybe your father is addicted to drugs to actually live in this world, and he lives a homeless life so he doesn't have to be too involved in worldly things. That's one way to look at it, but you know him more than I.

I'm really just trying to open your mind. Also, your father maybe crippled mentally

 

[Elle Seven]

I made a thread about heroin yesterday and from outside looking in you might think thats wrong where a person who is addicted but you have look at both perspectives. Why do so many heroin users overdose is because when you experience freedom you want to die. Drugs is freedom from this world is why people take them than you put in homelessness in it too, your father is going through something that seems bad but really isn't. Its all about perception. I know he wasn't in your life but he has go through this to grow.

Maybe your father is addicted to drugs to actually live in this world, and he lives a homeless life so he doesn't have to be too involved in worldly things. That's one way to look at it, but you know him more than I.

I'm really just trying to open your mind. Also, the man in your family could be crippled mentally by woman why father always go to woman.

That's the thing, though. My father raised me, at least up until my parents separated. It's not a situation where I'm looking at a man on the street I heard was my daddy. This is a man who I lived under a roof with as a family who started making really fukked up choices during my teen years.

I know there are those who do drugs for the reasons you suggest, but my suspicion is my father isn't one of them. He's not seeking liberation; he's the slave now, to the drug, I mean. In turn, he has lost everything.

Now, I will say I hope he has used the time to think of what he actually wants for himself in life, like just solely for him. He always just says he wants his family back, though, technically, we are here so I don't know what he's really trying to say.

Regarding your comment about the women, it's an interesting one. I do have thoughts about how my paternal grandmother may have impacted my father negatively during his upcoming, though he was raised with both parents. Unfortunately, all the people I could ask about that are already dead. Even then, that shouldn't stop him from moving forward now.

 

[Marlostanfield.]

That's the thing, though. My father raised me, at least up until my parents separated. It's not a situation where I'm looking at a man on the street I heard was my daddy. This is a man who I lived under a roof with as a family who started making really fukked up choices during my teen years.

I know there are those who do drugs for the reasons you suggest, but my suspicion is my father isn't one of them. He's not seeking liberation; he's the slave now, to the drug, I mean. In turn, he has lost everything.

Now, I will say I hope he has used the time to think of what he actually wants for himself in life, like just solely for him. He always just says he wants his family back, though, technically, we are here so I don't know what he's really trying to say.

Regarding your comment about the women, it's an interesting one. I do have thoughts about how my paternal grandmother may have impacted my father negatively during his upcoming, though he was raised with both parents. Unfortunately, all the people I could ask about that are already dead. Even then, that shouldn't stop him from moving forward now.

Like I say, its hard for me to decipher but you know better than me, I'm just giving ideas. Did your father always have his life together than your parents separated and he spiraled out of control and now is in this state?

 

[Elle Seven]

Like I say, its hard for me to decipher but you know better than me, I'm just giving ideas. Did your father always have his life together than your parents separated and he spiraled out of control and now is in this state?

He had things together. I recall him starting to use around my 8th year. My parents separated but, looking back, this wasn't the main reason for him to start using. I suspect my father has some deep seated issues that go back to his own upbringing.

I remember my mother telling me she told him she didn't want to get together again because she honestly didn't love him. He told her that he didn't care and just wanted her and his family back. He is under the impression family stays together, no matter how unhealthy or delusional the members are. However, that is what his own parents did, so it's not surprising.

Examining that statement with 30-something eyes, to me, reveals a plethora of issues lying beneath the surface. What man willingly wants to be with a woman he actually knows does not love him.

So, again, I've always suspected he was drawn to drugs to escape and not he can't escape them. If my father could just live a part of his adult life in freedom and honesty, as his child, I would be so fukking happy for him.

 

[Marlostanfield.]

He had things together. I recall him starting to use around my 8th year. My parents separated but, looking back, this wasn't the main reason for him to start using. I suspect my father has some deep seated issues that go back to his own upbringing.

I remember my mother telling me she told him she didn't want to get together again because she honestly didn't love him. He told her that he didn't care and just wanted her and his family back. He is under the impression family stays together, no matter how unhealthy or delusional the members are. However, that is what his own parents did, so it's not surprising.

Examining that statement with 30-something eyes, to me, reveals a plethora of issues lying beneath the surface. What man willingly wants to be with a woman he actually knows does not love him.

So, again, I've always suspected he was drawn to drugs to escape and not he can't escape them. If my father could just live a part of his adult life in freedom and honesty, as his child, I would be so fukking happy for him.

So it could be if he had his family back he could get 8t together. I had an old associate who use sleep in my car or house years back when he wanted get away from family but now he's married and working two jobs, and he lived a somewhat homeless life. I took that as him needing a family structure to feel worthy as a man and that's why he's able to succeed now. Might be same with your dad

 

[Elle Seven]

So it could be if he had his family back he could get 8t together. I had an old associate who use sleep in my car or house years back when he wanted get away from family but now he's married and working two jobs, and he lived a somewhat homeless life. I took that as him needing a family structure to feel worthy as a man and that's why he's able to succeed now. Might be same with your dad

Never looked at it like that.

You might seriously be right.

In that case, aside from helping him get sober and working long-term, I'm not sure what I could do for him, other than spending more time with him perhaps. I'm going to keep this in mind though.

 

[Obreh Winfrey]

The first step is the hardest but when you have someone with you the journey isn't as long. Another thing that can go a long way towards helping him get back on track is giving him some responsibility. So for example, if you decided to let him live with you for a short while (have a defined time frame) tell him in exchange he's responsible for cleaning such and such or maybe reading with the kids for an hour a day (if that's the type of relationship you've let him have with your kids). Or maybe say you need to apply to X amount of jobs per day with proof. If he feels accountable to an aspect of life he may be less likely to fall backwards.

 

[Stir Fry]

Before my neighborhood got gentrified, i was good with about a couple dozen homeless people. Some were just locals that never got their shyt together, mostly due to friends and family always enabling their behaviors and being a support net for them. Lots hung around because of the recycling center a couple blocks away from us. I still get mail for them occasionally and fixed one of their bikes the other day. Breh who's bike i fixed i was actually able to land him some housing into a new low income development that we were staying in at the time. Real nice place right in the middle of downtown berkekey. He fukked it up and got himself evicted, because he couldn't get himself up at 11:30 am to go to his job everyday. Had lots of other homeless squating with him at the time too.

Basically, just give what you can afford to give, and don't get too emotionally invested in getting them on their feet. I can already tell you how your story is going to end most likely. He'll find someone else if it's not you.

My dad died living on the streets fwiw, it was by his choice, because he never really cared for getting his shyt together. He was always able to take care of himself for the most part though.

There are success stories of course, but I'm pretty sure they're the exceptions and not the norms. Give dude a little and see what he can make of it. Otherwise let him be in the wind.