CarbonBraddock
You will be trolled
Basically, I married this woman I met on a cruise ship. I had been caller number 5 and answered some Beatles trivia, so I won. The question concerned Paul McCartney but i digress. Anyway, i was on the boat and met this girl who was incredible. She was exotic, having asian, black, and even faint australian in her background. We hit it off immediately and it was a whirlwind romance but we waited about three years before tying the knot. After about a month of us being married, she has just turned into the antichrist. Here are some problems I have had with her. She will only do sex on tuesdays and thursdays and on saturdays if she is drunk, which she usually is. She will only do a lazy missionary position, which is making me do all the work as she just lays there. She says the word 'yes' every like two seconds during the act in this weird lifeless monotone voice that throws off my confidence. The last time we did it, seventeen weeks ago, i just stopped thrusting for like thirty seconds and looked at her, she continued saying 'yes' with her eyes closed like some kind of goddamn robot. So i think she is doing drugs.
She has about five cats and i never know where they are in the house. Seriously, i went to get in the shower one morning last week and one of them jumped down from somewhere above the shower curtain, like it came from another dimension or some shyt. I have spiderman level reflexes so i caught it in midair and held it there. Not gonna lie, in that state of mind, i considered just crumbling his ass up but i had mercy that day. Oh, and also, she has allowed her parents and family to squat on my property. I have about twenty acres and I will be out there on my All-Terrain Vehicle and be encountering random hippie-looking people and be all like 'who the fukk are you' and they won't even tell me who they are but will just say 'it's cool bro.' She has sided with her father when i caught him on video camera going into my closet of cereal and taking three boxes out and this was after i showed her the evidence. And the worse part is that she does not consider any of this a problem. When I bring it up, she will just laugh or try to undo my pants to perform oral copulation, which ends up distracting me. Serious brehs, I am getting fed up with this shyt and feel like there's no way to even work through this by now. Discuss.
She has about five cats and i never know where they are in the house. Seriously, i went to get in the shower one morning last week and one of them jumped down from somewhere above the shower curtain, like it came from another dimension or some shyt. I have spiderman level reflexes so i caught it in midair and held it there. Not gonna lie, in that state of mind, i considered just crumbling his ass up but i had mercy that day. Oh, and also, she has allowed her parents and family to squat on my property. I have about twenty acres and I will be out there on my All-Terrain Vehicle and be encountering random hippie-looking people and be all like 'who the fukk are you' and they won't even tell me who they are but will just say 'it's cool bro.' She has sided with her father when i caught him on video camera going into my closet of cereal and taking three boxes out and this was after i showed her the evidence. And the worse part is that she does not consider any of this a problem. When I bring it up, she will just laugh or try to undo my pants to perform oral copulation, which ends up distracting me. Serious brehs, I am getting fed up with this shyt and feel like there's no way to even work through this by now. Discuss.
not bad
you married A cat lady
is the head good
